English usage

  • Curved handles

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media

    Friday’s Bristol Live/Post had a piece on an appeal to the public for information on an incident that happened a while ago in Easton. The vital part of the appeal reads as follows:

    Investigating officers have released a picture of a man, who was riding a silver road bike with curved handles, who they would like to identify in connection with the assault. They said it took place on Stapleton Road on Wednesday, August 7.

    Curved handles? Since when has a bicycle had handles, let alone curved ones.

    At first, your correspondent believed this was just another of Reach plc ‘journalists’ publicly displaying his/her ignorance of the English language, bearing in mind the fact that the correct use of terminology – le mot juste as the French would have it – is vital for comprehension and a lack of confusion on the part of the reader.

    The police press office also provided a useful picture of the suspect, plus bicycle complete with those mysterious curved handles.

    Those infamous curved handles. Image courtesy of Avon & Somerset Police.

    Anyway, your ‘umble scribe went looking for Plod’s original press release on the Avon & Somerset Police website.

    .

    The following sentence can be read therein:

    The man pictured is described as white, slim, in his 20s or 30s and has dark hair and facial hair. He is seen wearing a black Adidas hooded top and tracksuit bottoms. He is in possession of a silver road bike with curved handles {sic].

    That’s right! Those curved handles actually originated at police headquarters out at Portishead and not in Bristol’s infamous Temple Way Ministry of Truth.

    This is curious as the police allegedly require high standards from their staff as a recent advertisement for a communications officer reveals.

    You will have strong oral and written communications skills, an exceptional eye for detail…

    The use of the phrase curved handles does show that the author has written communications skills but not strong ones, whilst the lack of an exceptional eye for detail is displayed by an ignorance of the importance of the correct use of terminology.

    Words matter, except in Plod’s press room, whilst the ‘journalist’ responsible for copying and pasting the original press release should have been diligent enough to notice the original error and not repeated it, but as a former sub-editor cum media studies lecturer friend pointed out, today’s media studies student (and by implication graduates. Ed.) do not have a very high standard of English.

    Finally, hose curved handles are known to most folk outside the police press office and Bristol Live/Post as drop handlebars. 😀

  • Council seizes fly-tipper’s van

    Steve WoodsBristol, Media, Politics

    There was a rare item on the Bristol Live website today. Bristol City Council decided to publicise an element of its enforcement activities against fly-tippers and other environmental criminals.

    Normally a shy and retiring organisation where its enforcement activities are concerned, the council is very publicity-shy about the number of people it deals with for environmental crimes, preferring quietly to issue fixed penalty notices (FPNs) of up to £1,000 a time. However, the council has this time taken firmer than normal action against an alleged fly-tipper by seizing the alleged offender’s vehicle in the city’s Hartcliffe are and towing it away, as well as the more unusual step of publicising its operation.

    Image courtesy of Bristol City Council Neighbourhood Enforcement

    The council was acting under section 34b of the 1990 Environmental Protection Act – the right to search or seize vehicles if a fly-tipping offence has been committed, the vehicle was used in the commission of the offence and proceedings for that offence have not yet been brought, or if the vehicle is about to be used or is being used in a fly-tipping offence.

    Having repeatedly pleaded with the council to publicise its actions – if only for their deterrent effect – your ‘umble scribe is very pleased to see this welcome change and only has a further five words of advice to those in waste management and enforcement down the Counts Louse*: keep up the good work!

    * = The traditional spelling for and pronunciation of the local authority’s headquarters within the city.

  • Two cities, two cuisines, one politics

    Steve WoodsBristol, Oddities, Politics, Social Media

    All cultures, countries and regions around the world have their own local cuisines, some indigenous, some introduced by incomers and yet others a mixture of the two.

    Also termed food cultures, your correspondent notes that food is often inextricably linked to politics as well as identity, as has been apparent in two separate examples from the cities of Bristol and Chicago.

    In your ‘umble scribe’s sixty-something years of existence, food in the Untied Kingdom (mis-spelling deliberate. Ed.) has changed beyond all recognition with dishes and tastes from right around the world become increasingly available. I well remember the curiosity and excitement when the first Chinese takeaway opened in my home town of Market Drayton in North Shropshire all those decades ago.

    Since those long gone days, takeaway food has become a staple in the British diet; and with the advent of delivery services such as JustEat and Deliveroo, customers can now order takeaways without having to rise from their sofas.

    In this post, your correspondent notes that in two separate cites – Bristol and Chicago.

    Bristol

    First Bristol and a comment on the ephemeral nature of catering establishments despite everyone’s need for food and delivery services. The subvertising in the following photograph was spotted on the city’s Fishponds Road yesterday afternoon.

    Note how the subvertising has got the background colour of the original JustEat sign almost right, as well as matching the original font faithfully.

    Subvertised sign on disused takeaway now reading Just Eat The Rich

    As regards the phrase ‘Eat The Rich, your ‘umble scribe thought it was a modern phrase arising out of anarchist political thought in response to ever-increasing increasing wealth inequality and food insecurity. However, it actually goes back rather further.

    That rather further back takes us to the days of the Terror which followed the French revolution. On 17th October 1793, Pierre Gaspard Chaumette, President of the Paris Commune, gave a speech to the city in which he apocryphally remarked that the philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau said the following:

    Quand le peuple n’aura plus rien à manger, il mangera le riche.

    In English this translates to the following:

    When the people shall have nothing more to eat, they will eat the rich.
    Chicago

    Next to Chicago and more specifically The Wieners Circle, which describes itself as an ‘iconic hotdog stand on the north side of Chicago serving up high quality street food with a side of insults‘ [sic].

    The Chicago eatery has responded in feisty fashion to the unfounded assertion made by the disgraced former president, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat, one Donald John Trump, that immigrants in Springfield, Ohio were eating residents’ pets during his recent televised debate with the Democrats presidential election candidate, Kamala Harris, as shown below.

    Illuminated sign for The Wieners Circle withe the addendum Immigrants eat our dogs

    Politics and food also have a long relationship. Back in 1798, Cartoonist James Gillray published ‘John Bull taking a Luncheon: – or – British Cooks, cramming Old Grumble-Gizzard, with Bonne-Chere‘ shortly after Nelson’s victory over the French at the Battle of the Nile. The strong link continues today as shown not only by these examples from Bristol and Chicago, but also by American Republicans renaming French fries ‘freedom fries‘ after French opposition to the 2003 Iraq war (cheese-eating surrender monkeys anyone? Ed.).

    Update 15/09/24: Trump has continued to make unsubstantiated claims about immigrants in Springfield to such an extent that his cult-like followers have targeted the Springfield’s city Hall and other buildings with bomb threats and a side serving of racial hatred.

  • The ‘little list’ man returns

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics

    'Lord' Peter 'Little List' Lilley in 2022One of the more interesting aspects of the current Nasty Party (© Theresa May) leadership competition is the number of old Tory politicians sticking their heads back above the parapet to endorse various Conservative leadership contenders. In addition, it serves as a reminder to the rest of us just how awful those candidates are, as well as how dreadful the endorsers were when in office and still are today.

    Yesterday’s Guardian reminds us that in an article in The Times (paywalled) that ‘Lord’ Peter Lilley, who was Secretary of State for Social Security under John Major, as well as occupying other ministerial and party positions under other party leaders, announced his endorsement of leadership contender Kemi Badenoch (a person so unpleasant Guardian political sketch writer John Crace has described her as being able to “start a fight with her own reflection. Ed.), drawing attention to her engineering background and aligning it with the scientific background of the sainted Thatcher, as follows:

    Since Margaret Thatcher, a science graduate, nearly every prime minister and party leader of both the Tories and Labour has been a wordsmith. They mostly studied politics, philosophy and economics, or law. They were good at using words, all too often twisting words to explain away failure and rationalise broken promises, or finding out what people want then telling them what they want to hear. But they lacked the mindset to organise and plan the deployment of resources and people.

    Lilley may have denounced the law and Oxbridge PPE graduates who tend to dominate modern politics and their twisted use of words, but he himself has not been immune in his time from twisting words for political effect, as was more than apparent in his 1992 speech to the Conservative Party conference, in which he referred to his notorious ‘Little List‘ which demonised those unfortunate enough to have to claim social security benefits under a Tory government – usually demonised as fraudsters and scroungers.


    The transcript of Lilley’s parody from Gilbert and Sullivan’s The Mikado reads as follows:

    I’ve got a little list / Of benefit offenders who I’ll soon be rooting out / And who never would be missed / They never would be missed. /
    There’s those who make up bogus claims / In half a dozen names / And councillors who draw the dole / To run left-wing campaigns / They never would be missed / They never would be missed. /
    There’s young ladies who get pregnant just to jump the housing queue / And dads who won’t support the kids / of ladies they have … kissed / And I haven’t even mentioned all those sponging socialists / I’ve got them on my list / And they’ll none of them be missed / They’ll none of them be missed.

    Do you remember what is said about people who live in glass houses, Mr Lilley? 😀

  • One American can’t do irony

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Social Media

    Last week this blog featured a post entitled America does irony (posts passim). However, your ‘umble scribe perhaps ought to have prefaced the title with the qualifying Some of… as rules that are not hard and fast have exceptions to them.

    And here we come to a very big exception: namely the disgraced former 45th president of the United States, convicted felon, insurrectionist, adjudicated business fraudster, confirmed sexual predator, perpetual liar and serial golf cheat one Donald John Trump.

    Text reads trying to claim that America does not have a gun problem while standing behind a sheet of bullet proof glass is peak Republican

    Anyone with two working brain cells and a hole in their backside can see the ridiculousness of The Donald’s position, even though the man himself – in the loosest sense of the word – is totally unaware of the fool he is making of himself, against which the so-called Bushisms, i.e. those unconventional statements, phrases, pronunciations, malapropisms, and semantic or linguistic errors made in the public speaking of George W. Bush, the 43rd President of the United States, look positively endearing. But then again, George Dubya is another Republican…

  • Days out ideas. Time machine required

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media, Oddities, Social Media

    When parliament rises for the summer recess, the period until it reconvenes in the autumn is traditionally known as the silly season. This time of year was traditionally when the press would scramble around desperately for something newsworthy and printable.

    This has changed somewhat in recent decades due to the emergence of the 24 hours news cycle driven by technological change, including the rise of social media.

    However, the need to find worthwhile to publish is exacerbated when the silly season also includes a public holiday, a time when the great unwashed needs to be kept amused and entertained, which brings us to a piece in today’s edition of the Bristol Post/Live.

    Headline reads 7 of the prettiest villages near Bristol to visit in 2023

    Yes, you did read the headline correctly. It does say 2024. Sadly, in this particular item, Bristol’s Reach plc local news title has not followed standard Reach procedure and included affiliate links to time machine providers in the copy, so those intent on visiting Bristol’s hinterland last year will have to go and look for their own, at least until the proofreader returns from holiday. 🙂

  • America does irony

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Social Media

    A common misconception about US citizens is that Americans en bloc cannot do irony.

    This is known as stereotyping, i.e. people attributing a set idea they have about what someone or something is like, especially an idea that is wrong.

    The stereotyping was misproved (yet again!) earlier this week by the post below on the former social media site now known as X (mostly for the rating of its content. Ed.) in relation to the disgraced 45th President of the United States, adjudicated sexual predator, condemned business fraudster, convicted felon and compulsive liar, one Donald John Trump.

    Post reads Sorry, but I have to agree with Trump. Crime is out of control. Just look at New York. There is a dude who was convicted of 34 felonies there, and he's still walking the streets.

    In the dictionary irony is defined as follows:

    a situation in which something which was intended to have a particular result has the opposite or a very different result.

    Anyone who does come out with the ‘Americans can’t do irony‘ phrase needs to look up what a national or ethnic stereotype is. 😀

  • Cat educates thick rich man

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Social Media

    The social media account of Larry the Cat, Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office, is no stranger to this blog (posts passim).

    Larry has now taken to his keyboard yet again to educate an ignorant, insulting rich man who owns a social media platform to educate the latter on the letter of the law in connection with the recent fascist riots in the Untied Kingdom*.

    In recent days Elon Musk, (yes, him! Ed.) has waded into the debate about rioting thugs, claiming the disturbances to be a matter of free speech, not violence and racism against vulnerable people who have sought asylum in the country.

    Post reads: Support freedom of speech in the UK

    Amongst the many replies to Musk came one from the Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office, a canny political operator who has so far survived the premierships of six prime ministers – David ‘Call Me Dave’ Cameron, Theresa May, disgraced former alleged party-time PM Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, one Mary Elizabeth Truss and Rishi Sunak.

    Although he started out life as a stray, Larry quickly became acclimatised to the political climate in Whitehall, famously being one of those resignations which led to the downfall of Johnson, a man unfit to clean a public lavatory, let alone occupy the highest elected public office in the land (posts passim).

    Larry has posted the following response to Musk’s bland and blissfully ignorant exhortation.

    Post reads We have freedom of speech in the UK; it's written into our law in the 1998 Human Rights Act. But rights come with responsibilities (I appreciate that's a concept you're not familiar with); there's a requirement not to incite criminality or spread hatred online. We find society works better that way. Attachment to post reads Everyone has the right to freedom of expression. This right shall include freedom to hold opinions and receive and impart information and ideas without interference by public authority and regardless of tiers. This Article shall not prevent States from requiring the lensing of broadcasting, television or cinema enterprises. The exercise of these freedoms, since it carries with it duties and responsibilities, may be subject to such formalities, conditions, restrictions or penalties as are prescribed by law and are necessary in a democratic society, in the interests of national security, territorial integrity or public safety, for the prevention of disorder or crime, for the protection of health or morals, for the protection of the reputation rights of others, for preventing the disclosure of information received in confidence, or for maintaining the authority and impartiality of the judiciary.

    Ouch!

    * = Mis-spelling is deliberate.

  • The continuing menace of driverless vehicles

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media

    All over the country, every day driverless vehicles are colliding with other vehicles and/or structures according to the local press.

    Here’s a typical example from today’s Bristol Live/Post to accompany the screenshot below.

    Headline - Live: Trains stopped between Bristol and Bath after vehicle crashes into bridge

    Nowhere in the entire report is there any mention of a driver, i.e. someone who might have been able to avoid the vehicle in question deciding to crash into the railway bridge of its own volition.

    Furthermore, the byline shows that someone is unfamiliar with basic English language. It reads:

    Services are at a stand.

    The byline is in fact quoted from Inrix, a US-based traffic data company which now operates in the Untied Kingdom, but seems to be unfamiliar with the word standstill. If any illiterate Inrix employees happen to be passing, it is defined as a condition in which all movement or activity has stopped.

    The phrase at a stand does exist, but its meaning – in a state of confusion or uncertainty; undecided what to do next – is subtly different from standstill.

  • Bristol Live exclusive: man given dog’s face

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media, Oddities

    Cross-species organ transplants – a technique also known as xenotransplantation – are becoming more common in modern medicine.

    Such transplants usually involve pig or cow organs, but a new species has now entered the list of donor transplant species, according to today’s Bristol Live/(Evening) Post.

    Headline reads Man has face rebuilt by surgeons after it was ripped off his dog.

    However, judging from the headline the means by which the victim’s rebuilt face was provided sounds brutal, almost as if it was performed with malicious intent and without the use of anaesthetics, unless of course the author didn’t proof-read his piece adequately and failed to notice the absence of a simple two-letter preposition. 😀

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