facepalm

  • Stephen Williams MP caused by Al Qaeda – Post exclusive

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media, Oddities, Politics

    It’s not very often the Bristol Post manages to come up with an exclusive, but today’s online edition proved a winner on that score.

    The text below was concealed in a letter to Post from reader Stephen Farthing:

    THE news of 15-year-old girl Yusra Hussien leaving Bristol to become a supporter of IS, allegedly, is a worrying outcome and I echo what Stephen Williams said, that such an objective is not only foolish but profoundly unwise.

    In some ways, what Al Qaeda started in 2001 has produced many problems of his kind.

    Yes, you did read that correctly: “problems of his kind“, i.e. problems like him, if you prefer to paraphrase.

    image of Stephen Williams MPThe Post has exclusively revealed that Bristol West MP Stephen Williams is a problem that has been caused by Al Qaeda, an organisation never before known for its links to the UK’s Liberal Democratic Party, let alone elected members thereof.

    Perhaps Mr Williams would care to comment on his links to Al Qaeda below; or alternatively perhaps the Post could employ a little more care when publishing reader’s letters where a lost or missing consonant can give a phrase a whole new meaning.

  • Jane Street, Bristol celebrates Zero Waste Week

    Steve WoodsBristol, Politics, Social Media

    Zero Waste Week, now in its seventh year, is currently taking place in the United Kingdom between 1st and 7th September 2014.

    The aim of Zero Waste Week is to “an opportunity to reduce landfill waste & save money“.

    The theme of this year’s event is “One More Thing“.

    Jane Street in Redfield, Bristol, shows in the picture below just what can be achieved with “One More Thing” in Zero Waste Week, in this case, one more instance of fly-tipping!

    Jane Street fly-tipping
    Image courtesy of Amy Harrison

    As part of the campaign to clear up Easton and Lawrence Hill wards (under the #tidybs5 moniker. Ed.), I recently attended a meeting with Marg Hickman, my local councillor, and council officers (news passim). At that meeting I was informed by the officers that the problem of fly-tipping in Jane Street had disappeared since a local mafrish – a café used for chewing khat – had closed down following the UK’s outlawing of khat. Obviously the council officers concerned hadn’t bargained for the persistence of Bristol’s filthy fly-tipping community!

    Besides alerting @BristolCouncil via Twitter, fly-tipping can be reported to the city council by:

    • using the dedicated fly-tipping report form on the council website (which also has a mobile version that works on smartphones);
    • a third party smartphone app, such as My Council (which is available for both Android and iOS; and
    • telephoning 0117 922 2100.

    The most direct reporting route is using the fly-tipping form as the report is sent directly to the department concerned, whereas the other methods require the report to be forwarded by its original recipient.

  • Bristol invents the bup

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media, Oddities

    Bristol likes to regard itself as a place of innovation.

    Bearing this inventive spirit in mind, contractors working in Old Market Street for Bristol City Council have invented a new public conveyance vehicle – the bup.

    image of bus stop featuring words Bup Stop

    A spokesperson for Bristol City Council said: “We take the misspelling of road marking very seriously and will soon be appointing an expensive CONsultant to advise us of the best possible solution.” (That quotation was made up, wasn’t it? Ed.)

    Hat tip: Bristol Post.

    Update 27/08/14: the orthographical gaffe was corrected yesterday, according to the Bristol Post.

  • Builder’s English?

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language

    Seen this morning on Church Road, Lawrence Hill, Bristol.

    sign stating smile your on camera

    The person who wrote the copy must have fallen asleep in English classes when the difference between the abbreviated second person conjugation of the verb ‘to be’ and the second person possessive adjective was being explained.

    Never mind, poor English skills don’t seem to have been a barrier to employment with Cleverley Builders of Whitchurch, Bristol or Swann Security; it was uncertain to your correspondent as to who had produced the sign. However, the ability to lie on signage is also valued by Cleverley Builders and/or Swann Security as no evidence of the physical presence of video surveillance equipment could be discerned.

    If the author of the sign happens to read this, help is at hand to assist you in learning the distinguish them.

    Neither of my parents, both of whom left school at 14 years of age and received not much more than a primary education in rural Norfolk in the 1930s and 1940s would not have made such a glaring mistake in English – a mistake which seems all too commonplace amongst the beneficiaries of the modern British education system.

  • Telegraph on prolonged peace mission

    Steve WoodsMedia, Oddities

    A typographical error in a headline on the Telegraph’s website envisaged a long lull in the present conflict between the Palestinians in Gaza and the state Israel which has now been raging for more than 3 weeks.

    headline stating 72-year ceasefire agreed by both sides

    The error has since been corrected to read Gaza conflict: 72-hour ceasefire agreed by both sides.

  • Provided? No, neglected!

    Steve WoodsBristol, Oddities

    Bristol City Council is a local authority that will seemingly stop at nothing to waste public money blowing its own trumpet.

    On the way back from the shops, this pointless sign by the flats on Easton Road caught my attention.

    sign in overgrown gardens stating provided by caretaking services

    The sign’s wording should be amended in my opinion to read “Neglected by Caretaking Services“.

    Council budgets all around the country are under pressure. In view of these financial constraints, here’s a suggestion for Bristol City Council: stop wasting money on pointless, self-aggrandising signage and you might find funds in the corporation coffers to cut the grass! 🙂

  • Caption chaos

    Steve WoodsBristol, Media, Oddities

    Being sloppy is one thing at which the Bristol Post consistently excels and the situation only looks to get worse following the announcement by David Montgomery of Local World – the owners of the Bristol Post – on the future direction of its titles and the role of journalists.

    Today’s most glaring howler features photographs with the wrong captions in this article, as illustrated below.

    incorrectly captioned photo from Bristol Post

    That’s the first locomotive I’ve seen with blonde hair! 😉

    The chaos continues with subsequent photographs in the series too.

    incorrectly captioned photo from Bristol Post

    How anyone can confuse a girl with a locomotive is anyone’s guess.

    Is the Post employing visually-impaired journalists?

    We should be told.

  • Bristol Post: England invests £168 in roads

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media, Oddities, Politics

    Road works traffic signAccording to yesterday’s online edition of the Bristol Post, the Department of Transport is to invest the princely sum of £168 – the largest amount it has spent on tarmac for four decades – in England’s road network.

    Of this total, the amount earmarked for local authorities in the Bristol area swells magically to more than £2 mn., according to a this piece by an unidentified Post hack.

    The second paragraph of the report reads as follows:

    The handout from a £168 funding pot which will see more than £3 million potholes filled is part of what is being billed as “the biggest investment in roads since the 1970s”.

    For those who prefer their information unmangled by the illiterates of the local media, the original Department of Transport press release is available here.

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