Language | Steve Woods

Another Bristol Live exclusive

21/04/2025 Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media, Politics, Social Media

Another day, other news.

Your ‘umble scribe awoke this morning to hear that Pope Francis, head of the Roman Catholic church, had died aged 88 years.

In a situation eerily reminiscent of the demise of Mrs Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Mountbatten-Windsor in September 2022, when she had been visited just two days beforehand by a certain Mary Elizabeth Truss, the pontiff’s death comes very shortly after an audience with a certain James David Vance, who has been appointed to preside over vice by the disgraced former 45th president and current disgraceful 47th president of the United States of America, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat commonly known as Donald John Trump.

Social media has been awash this morning with posts about the similarities between the two deaths

However, all this speculation is pointless, as is any explanation that the pope was a very ill man.

For the real reason for the passing of the pontiff, one has to consult Bristol ‘Live’, the West Country’s newspaper of (warped) record.

Under the Bristol News header, this Reach plc title seems to have an exclusive scoop at to what or who was actually liable for Francis’ demise – West Country folk reacting.

Now look what you’ve done, Bristolians and neighbours!

Unless, of course, it’s yet another example of bad English usage and even worse journalism of the putting the cart before the horse variety.
The new British invasion

13/04/2025 Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics
One of my regular weekly listens is The Coffee Klatch presented by former US Secretary of Labor Robert Reich and Heather Lofthouse of Inequality Media.

Bob’s and Heather’s are two of the few voices of sanity I hear coming across the Atlantic from a country where the head of state wants to Make America Grate Again (or something like it. Ed.) when he’s not on the golf course.

However, what has surprised me in the last two weeks is Mr Reich’s increasingly regular use of British English vocabulary.

Yesterday, for instance, he used the rude and informal term shite to describe one of the authoritarian Trump regime’s latest outrages, whilst the week before he defined another as bonkers.

We’ll return to bonkers later.

However, it seems your ‘umble scribe is not the only one to have noticed British English. Yesterday’s Guardian drew attention to the increasing use of British English terms in the USA, particularly amongst the young.

It states:

The most common was bonkers, meaning “absurd”, which was applied to topics from politics to sports to internet trends, according to the language learning platform Babbel.

The rest of the Top Ten Briticisms are:
- Amongst, rather than “among”;
- Queue, as opposed to “line”;
- Wonky;
- Cheeky;
- Snarky;
- Cheers, in the context of thanking someone;
- Keen, i.e. enthusiastic;
- Maths instead math; and finally
- Nil.
The piece notes that this phenomenon is partly fuelled by British musicians such as Charli xcx, as well as newspapers such as the Grauniad creating US editions, as well as general “global culturization“.

However, if your correspondent were to pick holes in the piece, it would be with the following assertion:

In addition to the list of words, researchers examined the demographics of the speakers. They found that the use of “bonkers” is most common among gen Z, whose members accounted for 77% of uses in the database. People aged 66 and older didn’t use it at all. Meanwhile, 90% of “bonkers” speakers were women, and 97% lived in urban areas.

Mr Reich, like your ‘umble scribe, is over 66 and therefore incapable of using vocabulary such as bonkers according to the academic researchers quoted.

In case Mr Reich happens to read this, corrections and clarifications can be submitted to the paper should you so wish.
The Felon’s thought police

11/04/2025 Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Social Media

In 1948 an old Etonian then living of the Scottish island of Jura wrote a novel about future authoritarian dystopia.

The novel was written as a warning, although in recent decades even allegedly democratic governments seem to have used it more as a manual to control what their citizens not only do, but also think.
The novel is, of course, George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four and the main method of mind control was via the so-called thought police.
Nothing is efficient in Oceania except the Thought Police.

Along with the Thought Police, Orwell also developed the idea of thoughtcrime, i.e. the offence of thinking in ways not approved by the ruling regime.

Moving forward from 1948 to 2025 and the presence of the state’s thought police is very apparent, particularly at present in the United States of America under the regime of the disgraced former 45th president and current disgraceful 47th president of the United States of America, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat commonly known as Donald John Trump, who has a mission to Make America Grate Again (or something similar. Ed.).

The Felon’s thought police have been particularly active, expunging DEI policies.

However, the thought police have also been active in the far-flung reaches of Uncle Sam’s domain, where the job of policing thoughts and ideas critical of or hostile to The Donald, his rule and his cronies falls to the Immigration and Customs Enforcement service,, commonly abbreviated to ICE.

In a social media post which has since been deleted, ICE included ideas in a list of of targets from which it was keeping Trump’s Grate America safe, according to the Huffington Post.

Ideas thought illegal include any objections and/or criticism of US support for the continuing Israeli genocide in and annexation of the Palestinian territories of the Gaza strip and West Bank.

But returning to the far-flung reaches of Uncle Sam’s domain referred to above, these also include the confines of the grandly titled Pituffik Space Base, recently the venue for an insult our allies session by the deeply unpleasant JD Vance (posts passim).

The alleged vice-president’s remarks during his brief three-hour visit did not go down too well with the base commander, Col. Susan Meyers, according to Military.com. In the aftermath of Vance’s brief stopover, Col. Meyers sent a message to all personnel at Pituffik seemingly aimed at generating unity among the airmen and Guardians, as well as the Canadians, Danes and Greenlanders who work there, following Vance’s appearance.

It is not clear whether Meyers is still serving as commander of the 821st Space Base Group following her email, but the email itself will have come to the attention of the thought police.
JD’s worldwide charm offensive continues

08/04/2025 Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Politics

Back in 1936 an American writer and teacher of courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking and interpersonal skills called Dale Carnegie wrote a self-help book entitled How to Win Friends and Influence People. According to Wikipedia, over 30 million copies of the book have been sold.

Nevertheless, judging by both their actions and statements – both private and public – it can be safely assumed that none of the senior members of the Trump regime have bought copies, assuming of course they are intelligent enough to read.

Their playbook seems to be the complete opposite of Carnegie’s goal, i.e. How to Lose Friends and Irritate People.

Kindly step forward with no style at all one James David Vance (born James Donald Bowman. Ed.), inexplicably made vice-president of the United States by the disgraced former 45th president and current disgraceful 47th president of the United States of America, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat commonly known as Donald John Trump.

As revealed in so-called Signalgate (posts passim), James David, ably assisted by Pete Hegseth, The Felon’s totally unqualified pick for Defence Secretary, who though it perfectly fine to insult European NATO allies. https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/no10-slams-trump-cabinet-attack-on-freeloading-europe_uk_67e26eabe4b06e4e058d2f42, the relevant part of the Signal messaging thread reads as follows:

Vance said: “If you think we should do it let’s go. I just hate bailing Europe out again.”

Hegseth then replied three minutes later, saying: “I fully share your loathing of European free-loading. It’s PATHETIC.”

For those that don’t know their history, the only time NATO’s Article 5 has been invoked was by the United States after the September 11th attacks. Several of those free-loading European nations contributed to the subsequent US invasion and occupation of Afghanistan, putting their troops in harm’s way for Uncle Sam.

Now James Donald is at it again. This time he’s insulting the Chinese, referring to them as peasants. His words are reported to have been the following:

We borrow money from Chinese peasants to buy the things those Chinese peasants manufacture. That is not a recipe for economic prosperity. It’s not a recipe for low prices and it’s not a recipe for good jobs in the United States of America.

In response Chinese foreign ministry spokesman Lin Jian said:

“It is surprising and sad to hear such ignorant and impolite words from this vice president.

I’d agree with Mr Lin that it is sad, but not surprising given James Donald’s past remarks in respect of European allies, not to mention his appalling attitude to Greenland and the obsession of his boss therewith.
Number Ten reacts to Signalgate

30/03/2025 Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics, Social Media

The international political news has been dominated in the last week by what has become known as Signalgate.

For a few days earlier this month a group of United States national security leaders used insecure communications services and personal devices to conduct a group chat on the Signal messaging service about imminent military operations against the Houthis in Yemen. Among the chat’s members were Vice President JD Vance, top White House staff, three Cabinet secretaries and the directors of two intelligence agencies.

However, National Security Advisor Mike Waltz erroneously added Jeffrey Goldberg, the editor-in-chief of The Atlantic to the group.

Discussions in the group included sharing details of planned airstrikes, including types of aircraft and missiles, as well as launch and attack times. Furthermore, Vice-President JD Vance and Defense Secretary used the group to denigrate allegedly freeloading European allies.

Signalgate has raised concerns inter alia about US national security leaders’ information security practices, what other sensitive information the group might have revealed, whether they were following the Federal Records Act and other related legislation (they were not. Ed.), not to mention accountability within the Trump regime.

So far the British political establishment has either been silent or said very little about Signalgate with one notable exception. Alleged Labour prime minister ‘Sir’ Keir Starmer might not have approached this matter with an open mouth, but that does not mean that Downing Street has been completely silent: one just has to know where to look to find comment.

In this case it’s the Mastodon social media network.

Larry the Downing Street cat is a name not unfamiliar to this blog (posts passim). His latest tongue-in-cheek comment mocks the abject incompetence of the sycophantic MAGA louts the disgraced former 45th president and current disgraceful 47th president of the United States of America, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat commonly known as Donald John Trump.

By so doing, Larry has done what the appeasing Starmer would never do: openly mock Trump’s extreme right wing regime.

Keep up the good work, Larry!
In your own time, Bristol City Council!

26/03/2025 Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media, Politics

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
The best part of 30 years ago,the late cycle campaigner Chris Hutt of Bristol’s Cyclebag remarked that perhaps the simplest way in which mobility within the city could be improved would be to tweak the timings of pedestrian crossings so that they switched over to the pedestrian green phase within seconds of the button being pushed.

Fifteen years after Chris’ death it looks like something similar to what he suggested is finally being implemented – albeit half-heartedly – by Bristol City Council.

Today’s Bristol Post reports that around 100 crossings – i.e. a fraction of those in the city – will be changed as suggested by Chris all that time ago.The change has been described by councillors as a “cost-effective way to get traffic-calming measures” that have already proved popular on some busy roads. The setting, known as “pre-timed max”, will also be installed on new crossings as they are provided.

In addition, the tweak will only be made to stand-alone pedestrian crossings, not those associated with junctions where they are just as badly needed and could be equally as beneficial.

Commenting on the scheme, Green Councillor Emma Edwards said: “When people realised what had happened, I got phone calls saying ‘can we have one down here and there, and it would be useful here’. Residents really love them and it’s such a cost-effective way to get traffic calming measures in and to help with things like school routes.”

What has taken you so long, Bristol City Council?

Your ‘umble scribe’s best guess is that the idea was filed away in the “not invented here” cabinet combined with the propensity of highways department staff not being able to see beyond the bonnet of their respective motorised tinned three-piece suites.

Given these shortcomings, your correspondent is only prepared to give the council one extremely grudging cheer.
Mermaids, volcanism and… Google Translate!

18/03/2025 Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Oddities, Social Media, Tech

Google Translate, the Mountain View behemoth’s translation service is noted for not being very good on technical terminology, even of the most basic kind. Furthermore, it also struggles with a little thin called context, i.e. the circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea and in terms of which it can be fully understood.

When Google Translate gets the context wrong and confuses protecting the public with ancient Greek mythological figures, the result is at the very least amusing and at must alarming and downright dangerous, as revealed by the following social media post by Prof. Jenni Barclay of the University of Bristol.

Prof. Barclay’s research is the reduction of risk and prevention of disaster in volcanic settings, with a particular focus both on volcanic processes and the social processes that amplify volcanic risk.

My question for Prof. Barclay is are mermaids a social process?

Mis-translations definitely are!
LibreOffice 25.2 video subtitled in 17 languages

18/03/2025 Steve WoodsLanguage, Open Source, Open Standards, Tech

LibreOffice 25.2, the latest stable release* of this popular free and open source office suite, contains many new features, which are described in the video below.

Furthermore, The Document Foundation blog reports that the but has subtitle translations in 17 languages, thanks to our awesome localisation communities!

In addition, the blog post also includes an appeal for volunteers prepared to help with localisation.

The video can also be viewed on Peertube, for those who don’t wish to hand their data to the Google subsidiary.

* = Your ‘umble scribe is currently using a pre-release version – 25.8.0.0alpha0+ – of the software. As intimated by the version number, the second version release this year will take place in August.
All day?

06/03/2025 Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Social Media

A crime against the English language appeared in my social media feed today. It loomed out of a photograph of part of the menu from an unidentified McDonald’s drive through somewhere in the United States.

Dies irae* if you roll up at 1.01 pm?

It centres on the use of the word day whose meaning for this context is provided by Merriam-Webster:

“the time of light between one night and the next”.

When combined with the words all and breakfast one would expect the fare proffered to be provided throughout the hours of daylight between sunrise and sunset; or at the very least to be available between the business’ opening and closing times.
Not “ONLY UNTIL 1PM” as the menu shouts loudly.

The picture seems to have been taken some while ago, as the price of eggs in the USA has rocketed due to avian influenza and Walmart is rationing egg purchases. The egg shortage has not gone unnoticed under the golden arches either: Newsweek reports a customer of a McDonald’s in Fairfield, Connecticut was charged $7.29 per Egg McMuffin and complained about it on social media.

* = Day of wrath (usually divine. Ed.).
Telling the truth costs NZ diplomat his job

06/03/2025 Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics

The BBC reports that New Zealand’s right wing new Zealand First party foreign minister Winston Peters has dismissed his country’s high commissioner (that’s Commonwealth speak for ambassador. Ed.) to London after the latter told a few home truths about the disgraced former 45th president and current disgraceful 47th president of the United States of America, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat commonly known as Donald John Trump.

According to the BBC:
At an event in London on Tuesday, High Commissioner Phil Goff compared efforts to end the war between Russia and Ukraine to the 1938 Munich Agreement, which allowed Adolf Hitler to annex part of Czechoslovakia without any involvement of the Czechoslovak government.

The Munich Agreement was signed on 30th September 1938, by Nazi Germany, the United Kingdom (represented by prime minister Neville Chamberlain. Ed.), France and Fascist Italy and provided for the German annexation of part of Czechoslovakia called the Sudetenland, where more than three million people, mainly ethnic Germans, lived.

Neville Chamberlain returned triumphantly to Britain proclaiming he’d achieved “peace in our time” and waving a piece of paper allegedly including Hitler’s signature above his head.

One of the critics of Chamberlain was Winston Churchill, who was to succeed Chamberlain as the UK’s second wartime prime minister. Churchill remarked:

You had the choice between war and dishonour. You chose dishonour, yet you will have war.

Mr Goff noted that, “President Trump has restored the bust of Churchill to the Oval Office. But do you think he really understands history?”

In support of Mr Goff, Trump’s woeful knowledge of history is a matter of public record. In July 2019 claimed in a speech Continental Army “manned the air” and “took over the airports” during the Revolutionary War, despite the fact that the Wright brothers’ first flight did not take place in 1903, one hundred and twenty years after the end of the American revolution.

The BBC piece describes Mr Goff as “a veteran politician who had been high commissioner since January 2023. Before that, he served for two terms as mayor of Auckland, New Zealand’s largest city, and was leader of the Labour Party from 2008 to 2011. He had also held several ministerial portfolios, including justice, foreign affairs and defence“.

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