media

  • Driverless vehicles – a nationwide danger?

    Every day in the UK people are being seriously injured or even killed by vehicles which apparently have minds of their own or are not under the control of a human being.

    If you need confirmation of this fact, just open any local newspaper or visit any local news website.

    Police Accident road sign

    Yesterday’s Bristol Post carries such a story of a fatal collision in Burnham-on-Sea in Somerset.

    Bearing the headline “Pensioner driving a mobility scooter dies after being hit by truck in Burnham-on-Sea“, this is a tragic tale, whose first sentence reads:

    An 80-year-old man has died after being hit by a pickup truck while driving his mobility scooter in Burnham-on-Sea.

    Further details are then provided by a police officer who confirms the absence of human intervention the other party involved in the incident. The officer is quoted as saying the following:

    At about 11.50am, a Nissan Navara was travelling along Oxford Street and, having turned into Adam Street, was in collision with the man who was on his mobility scooter.

    Nowhere in the article – short though it is – is there any mention of the Nissan Navara having a driver.

    This phenomenon of vehicles without drivers but with a mind of their own is not confined to the West Country either.

    A quick glance at the Express and Star website reveals that yesterday in the Bewdley and Stourbridge area, another crash occurred in which at least one of the vehicles was driverless.

    The crash involved a black Ford Ka and a black Ford Fiesta.

    The driver of the Ford Ka, an 18-year-old woman, sustained serious head injuries.

    Why is such a peculiar style of wording used for press reports of road traffic collisions? Are the highways and byways of the country really full of driverless, out of control vehicles with a sadistic or psychopathic streak?

    Probably not.

    The likely explanation for this curious style of reporting is that the majority of road traffic incidents ending in collision and injury will involve either insurance liability or criminal liability or both. The wording used carefully avoids attributing any blame.

    Furthermore, these collisions are often referred to as “accidents“. The last thing the majority of road traffic incidents are is accidental since the majority of them involve either driver error, as shown by the graph below.

    Dept of Transport graph showing causes of collisions 2005 to 2014
    Source: Department of Transport

    So, are the country’s roads full of metal boxes intent on causing harm to humans? Unlikely, but they are full of frail, fallible humans in charge of potential killers.

  • This year’s first celandines

    Spotted on Stapleton Road this morning.

    celandines spotted on Stapleton Road on 5th March 2018

    Actually, the plant’s full name is the lesser celandine (Ficaria verna).

    According to the Woodland Trust, lesser celandines may be found along damp woodland paths and tracks, as well as stream banks and in ditches. They also grow well in the shade of hedgerows, in meadows and in gardens: they usually start to flower between January and April each year.

    As one of the first flowers to appear after winter, they provide an important nectar source for early pollinating insects, including some bee species.

    In earlier times, the plant had medicinal and nutritional uses: lesser celandine was once believed to be a remedy for haemorrhoids and was known as ‘pilewort’. It is also high in vitamin C and was used to prevent scurvy.

    Furthermore, the lesser celandine has its place in literature too. William Wordsworth (1770-1850) composed three poems to the plant between 1802 and 1807, of which one – To the Small Celandine – is reproduced below.

    PANSIES, lilies, kingcups, daisies,
    Let them live upon their praises;
    Long as there’s a sun that sets,
    Primroses will have their glory;
    Long as there are violets,
    They will have a place in story:
    There’s a flower that shall be mine,
    ‘Tis the little Celandine.

    Eyes of some men travel far
    For the finding of a star;
    Up and down the heavens they go,
    Men that keep a mighty rout!
    I’m as great as they, I trow,
    Since the day I found thee out,
    Little Flower!–I’ll make a stir,
    Like a sage astronomer.

    Modest, yet withal an Elf
    Bold, and lavish of thyself;
    Since we needs must first have met
    I have seen thee, high and low,
    Thirty years or more, and yet
    ‘Twas a face I did not know;
    Thou hast now, go where I may,
    Fifty greetings in a day.

    Ere a leaf is on a bush,
    In the time before the thrush
    Has a thought about her nest,
    Thou wilt come with half a call,
    Spreading out thy glossy breast
    Like a careless Prodigal;
    Telling tales about the sun,
    When we’ve little warmth, or none.

    Poets, vain men in their mood!
    Travel with the multitude:
    Never heed them; I aver
    That they all are wanton wooers;
    But the thrifty cottager,
    Who stirs little out of doors,
    Joys to spy thee near her home;
    Spring is coming, Thou art come!

    Comfort have thou of thy merit,
    Kindly, unassuming Spirit!
    Careless of thy neighbourhood,
    Thou dost show thy pleasant face
    On the moor, and in the wood,
    In the lane;–there’s not a place,
    Howsoever mean it be,
    But ’tis good enough for thee.

    Ill befall the yellow flowers,
    Children of the flaring hours!
    Buttercups, that will be seen,
    Whether we will see or no;
    Others, too, of lofty mien;
    They have done as worldlings do,
    Taken praise that should be thine,
    Little, humble Celandine!

    Prophet of delight and mirth,
    Ill-requited upon earth;
    Herald of a mighty band,
    Of a joyous train ensuing,
    Serving at my heart’s command,
    Tasks that are no tasks renewing,
    I will sing, as doth behove,
    Hymns in praise of what I love!

    Incidentally, back in 2011, the Daily Mirror christened Stapleton Road “Britain’s worst street” where “murder, rape, shootings, drug-pushing, prostitution, knifings and violent robbery are commonplace“.

    As a local resident for over 40 years, I didn’t agree then and nowadays still don’t agree with or recognise the Mirror’s sensationalist description. Surely somewhere that dangerous wouldn’t be home to such gentle and uplifting life-forms as the lesser celandine, which have inspired such souls as one of the great English Romantic poets?

  • Post exclusive: UK’s Met Office now part of Walmart, Inc.

    In amongst the blizzard of snow-related news coverage, one significant item of information has been overlooked by almost all of the media: the Met Office, formerly an executive agency and trading fund of the UK government’s Department for Business, Energy and Industrial Strategy, is now part of major British supermarket chain Asda Stores Ltd., which is itself owned by US retail giant Walmart, Inc.

    Indeed, the only part of the mainstream media to pick up this news yesterday was the Bristol Post, the city’s newspaper of (warped) record, as shown by the screenshot below of that mighty organ’s home page.

    screenshot bearing the wording Asda - Met Office extends yellow weather warning for ice to cover Bristol and South West

    Unless the above headline and tagging are yesterday’s deliberate mistake by the Temple Way Ministry of Truth, it is most baffling why such a momentous government asset disposal has not been mentioned elsewhere.

    Finally, Walmart is rumoured to be such a hands-on company that the heating in all its stores is controlled from corporate headquarters. This blog trusts that Met Office employees are prepared for such control-freakery.

  • The D’ohval Office

    There have been many occupants of the Oval Office in the White House that have possessed of brilliant minds and some not so brilliant.

    When it comes to the latter, think of both Presidents Bush as prime examples.

    Bush Senior, i.e. George H.W. Bush, even gave rise to a neologism for gaffes – Bushisms. Below is an example.

    It’s no exaggeration to say the undecideds could go one way or another.

    (We’ll draw a discreet veil over Bush Senior’s Vice-President Dan Quayle and his “Potatoe” gaffe. Ed.)

    The lack of intellectual firepower must be hereditary. “Dubya”, as the 43rd president was affectionately known, seems to have inherited his father’s legendary language skills, as per the following example, uttered in Bentonville, Arkansas, on 6th November 2000.

    They misunderestimated me.

    For masochists, there’s plenty of Dubya gaffes out there.

    Coming right up to date, many would concede the 45th President of the United States of America was not at the front of the queue (or line for Transatlantic readers) when brains were being handed out. His mental stability has even been called into question.

    The Donald is well known for his irrational outbursts and prolific use of social media, sometimes combining both, as in this tweet from a few days ago.

    Trump tweet saying In the East, it could be the COLDEST New Year’s Eve on record. Perhaps we could use a little bit of that good old Global Warming that our Country, but not other countries, was going to pay TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS to protect against. Bundle up!

    Let’s just analyse that tweet a bit and before we begin, it’s worth remembering insisting that global warming is a “hoax” invented by the Chinese, not to mention his appointment of climate change sceptics/deniers to both his cabinet and the Environmental Protection Agency.

    Firstly, there’s the term Global Warming. The generally accepted term for what is happening to the earth is now climate change. NASA helpfully points out the following:

    “Climate change” and “global warming” are often used interchangeably but have distinct meanings. Similarly, the terms “weather” and “climate” are sometimes confused, though they refer to events with broadly different spatial- and timescales.

    This is exactly what Trump has done, not only confused climate change and global warming but weather and climate too.

    To quote NASA on all these matters:

    Weather refers to atmospheric conditions that occur locally over short periods of time—from minutes to hours or days. Familiar examples include rain, snow, clouds, winds, floods or thunderstorms. Remember, weather is local and short-term.

    Climate, on the other hand, refers to the long-term regional or even global average of temperature, humidity and rainfall patterns over seasons, years or decades. Remember, climate is global and long-term.

    Global warming

    Global warming refers to the upward temperature trend across the entire Earth since the early 20th century, and most notably since the late 1970s, due to the increase in fossil fuel emissions since the industrial revolution. Worldwide since 1880, the average surface temperature has gone up by about 0.8 °C (1.4 °F), relative to the mid-20th-century baseline (of 1951-1980).

    Climate change

    Climate change refers to a broad range of global phenomena created predominantly by burning fossil fuels, which add heat-trapping gases to Earth’s atmosphere. These phenomena include the increased temperature trends described by global warming, but also encompass changes such as sea level rise; ice mass loss in Greenland, Antarctica, the Arctic and mountain glaciers worldwide; shifts in flower/plant blooming; and extreme weather events.

    Referring to “good old Global Warming“, this is POTUS getting down with his supporters denoting someone something – in this case global warming – that will do what is wanted or expected of them or it respectively.

    As for shouting about “trillions of dollars”, remember that climate change denier Trump has pulled the USA out of the Paris Agreement.

    Donald has received plenty of criticism from many quarters for the above tweet. One of the most interesting implies that Trump is being hypocritical. The Hill reports that celebrity chef José Andrés has more or less accused Trump of hypocrisy.

    On the same day as the infamous Trump tweet, José Andrés tweeted the following response:

    Why are you trying to build a wall in Ireland to protect your Golf club from raising seas?…..Mr. Trump just we had one of the bigger seasons of hurricanes in a century! People in USA are without homes, food and electricity because of Global warming!!! Really?

    Andrés was originally going to be opening a restaurant in a Trump establishment in Washington, D.C., but pulled out after Trump made racist remarks about Mexicans during his presidential campaign.

    Trump sued then Andrés for breach of contract; the chef countersued.

    Although a settlement was reached earlier this year, Andrés has continued to criticise Trump, particularly in respect of the response to Hurricane Maria’s devastation of Puerto Rico and Trump’s attitude to Moslems.

    Even given some stiff competition from the Bush family, Trump’s global warming tweet is in my mind the dumbest thing to come out of the Oval Office since the days of Ronald Reagan, who, incidentally, was out-acted by a chimpanzee in Bedtime for Bonzo in 1951.

    On 11th August 1984 Reagan famously gave the following sound check for his weekly Saturday address on National Public Radio:

    My fellow Americans, I’m pleased to tell you today that I’ve signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.

    Coming back environmental matters, Reagan also matches Trump in idiocy. Your ‘umble scribe can never forget the following, as quoted by Martin Schram in ‘Nation’s Longest Campaign Comes to an End’ in the Washington Post of 4th November 1980:

    Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do.

  • Introducing the Stockholm

    In the world of metrology there are standardised and internationally-recognised units of measurement such as the metre for linear distance, gram for weight and litre for liquid measurement.

    In everyday life there are also informal units of measurement used by people to give or gain an idea of the magnitude of a particular phenomenon.

    In terms of surface area, for instance, there’s the football pitch. Imperial Tobacco, my employers many years ago, used to like to boast that the cigarette production hall at W.D. & H.O. Wills’ factory in Hartcliffe, Bristol, (once the largest cigarette factory in Europe. Ed.) had an unobstructed floor area, i.e. free of the pillars supporting the roof structure, equivalent to three football pitches. Another common measurement for surface area is the Wales, particularly for larger items than football pitches.

    Also in common use for informal metrics are the double-decker bus and cricket pitch, both for linear distance.

    This plethora of informal measurements has now been joined by a newcomer, the Stockholm, courtesy of the Bristol Post, the city’s newspaper of warped record.

    Stockholm city views
    Stockholm: once just the capital city of Sweden, now a unit of measurement. Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

    Reporting yesterday on the shameful fact that Bristol, in spite of its huge housing crisis, now has 5,785 empty homes in the city, the Post then goes on to introduce Sweden’s capital as a new unit of measurement specifically for vacant homes, stating:

    Nationally, there are now just short of a million (980,565) properties deemed uninhabited – about the same amount as the entire housing stock of Stockholm.

    There you have it.

    Finally, a word of caution, under no circumstances should the Stockholm as a measurement of empty homes ever be compared with so-called Stockholm syndrome, a psychological condition in which hostages develop a psychological alliance with their captors as a survival strategy during captivity.

    If readers do happen to come across any further undocumented units of measurement, please alert your ‘umble scribe via the comments below.

  • Littered with innuendo

    Yesterday’s Bristol Post reported on the first month of operation of what it’s dubbed the “litter police”, the private contractors brought in by Bristol City Council to take enforcement action on such environmental crimes as dropping cigarette ends, littering, failing to clear up the mess of one’s dog, tagging and spitting.

    They’ve had a busy first month, issuing 1,368 fixed penalty notices with a total value of nearly £70,000.

    Whilst this long overdue enhanced enforcement against the untidy is welcome (as a founder of Tidy BS5 I wholeheartedly support their engagement by BCC. Ed.), it’s not the numbers that interest me, but the Post’s choice of language, particularly at the top of the article, which is reproduced below.

    sub-heading under headline reads the civil enforcement officers had a busy first few weeks on the job

    Look between the headline and the byline and you’ll see the following sentence: “The civil enforcement officers had a busy first few weeks on the job“.

    All you Brits can stop sniggering.

    Now!

    On the job” in the sense of something related to work is, to the best of my knowledge, an import from American English that has in recent decades started appearing increasingly in British corporate jargon. During my youth over 4 decades ago, the phrase had only one meaning and that had salacious connotations.

    Collins Dictionary gives the following definitions for the phrase in British English:

    • actively engaged in one’s employment;
    • (taboo) engaged in sexual intercourse.

    As regards the first definition, this could cover tuition given during employment (e.g. on the job training): no further explanation is required for the second.

  • “Brexity”

    Today’s Times has discovered a new word being used by younger people in the UK, i.e. “Brexity“.

    It turns up in a comment piece by Janice Turner admonishing those outward-looking folk who voted to remain in the EU in that disastrous referendum for continuing to criticise the isolationist Little Englanders who voted to undo 4 decades of European integration and dragging a partly reluctant UK into a more modern era.

    Ms Turner’s piece gives a couple of examples of the usage of “Brexity“. For instance, concerning places: “It was this horrible Brexity little town“; and food: “He ate this disgusting Brexity pasty“.

    According to Ms Turner, it denotes something low-grade, provincial, unsophisticated; enjoyed or frequented by the old, the white working class.

    Brexit Monstrosity float in Manchester
    Brexit Monstrosity float in Manchester. Image by Robert Mandel courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

    Commenting on a reference to the Times comment piece, Twitter user Fish in a hat has pointed out the following:

    I understand it is now coined freely in youth slang to mean trashy & tawdry. The young have a good eye, but are cruel. OTOH it is their future that is being trashed & were denied a vote. They have the right to complain. I am sure they will rejoin as soon as they are old enough to.

    Quite. Those under 18 have even greater grounds for being upset as they were denied a vote in the referendum, unlike the 2014 Scottish independence referendum when all Scots over 16 years of age were given a say.

    Getting rather old and coming from white working class stock, your correspondent hopes his readers won’t find him and his attitudes too Brexity. 😀

  • Sexy shellfish?

    Many press organisations have sacked sub-editors and dispensed with proofreading in recent years as a means of saving money.

    Alabama’s Times Daily in the USA seems to have been part of this movement, as is apparent from the following photo of its front page today on the unfolding story of former Alabama state judge and Republican politician Roy Moore‘s past sexual indiscretions.

    Headline reads party divided over sex clams

    If one were dining out, what would be the right wine to accompany sex clams? 😉

    Hat tip: Dr Ray Schestowitz.

  • Real tripe from Florence

    Today Theresa May, a woman who does Prime Minister impressions, will descend on the Italian city of Florence to make a speech. She will have with her a full supporting cast of cabinet ministers, plus hangers-on from the British mainstream media.

    The speech, all about Brexit, is being talked up by the British media as an attempt to prompt progress in the stalled negotiations on the UK’s exit from the European Union.

    However, no senior figures from the EU will be in attendance at May’s speech at the church of Sant Maria Novella (conveniently situated opposite the main railway station for a quick getaway. Ed.).

    However, for true lovers of tripe, this blog has a better recommendation: ignore Theresa’s speech altogether and go for Lampredotto instead.

    Lampredotto sandwich
    Picture courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

    This typical Florentine dish is made from the abomasum, the fourth and final stomach of the cow.

    Lampredotto” is derived from the Italian word for lamprey eels, lampreda, as the tripe resembles a lamprey in both shape and colour. Lampredotto is typically chopped, slow-cooked in a vegetable broth, seasoned with herbs and served on a bread roll; in addition, it is sometimes topped with either a piquant or green sauce.

    One final point: Florence was once a leading financial centre – a status it may soon be sharing with a post-Brexit City of London.

Posts navigation