Language

  • Tory shows how to be racist without using racist language

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics

    The British refusal to discuss reparations at the recent Commonwealth Heads of Government (Chogm) in Samoa (posts passim) is still having repercussions in national politics.

    Both candidates for the Conservative Party leadership have now voiced their opinions on the matter.

    Talking to the Telegraph, the Tories’ house magazine, the deeply unpleasant Kemi Badenoch has claimed British politicians are “too embarrassed” to oppose Britain paying reparations for slavery, which is a strange way of looking at the problem, as that is what Starmer has actually done. Moreover, Badenoch is now on record as saying: “I would not put my name to any document that mentioned reparations”.

    Smirking Bob Jenrick, a boil on the bottom of the body politicHowever, Badenoch’s arrogance and lack of contrition for centuries of crimes against humanity committed in the name of the British empire is nothing compared with the arrogant ignorance and ignorant arrogance displayed by her rival for the Tory Party leadership, Robert ‘Honest Bob’ Jenrick.

    As today’s Guardian reports, Honest Bob, who as immigration minister, infamously ordered murals of Disney characters be painted over at a children’s asylum centre, is now patronisingly stating that former British colonies “owe us a debt of gratitude for the inheritance we left them”. In particular, writing in the Daily Mail, Jenrick stated as follows in the mode typical of apologists for the centuries of crimes against humanity perpetrated first in the name of England and then later on behalf of Great Britain/the Untied Kingdom*:

    “The territories colonised by our empire were not advanced democracies. Many had been cruel, slave-trading powers. Some had never been independent. The British empire broke the long chain of violent tyranny as we came to introduce – gradually and imperfectly – Christian values.

    You managed to leave out invasion, genocide, the introduction of infectious diseases against which the locals had no immunity, expropriation of land, the imposition of lines on maps by the colonisers that cut across traditional cultural, ethnic and religious divides, divide and rule policies, systematic theft, looting and other criminal acts, Mr Jenrick. This surprises me as your Wikipedia page alleges you are supposed to have a first class honours degree in history from St John’s College, Cambridge, although your correspondent notes that the current history course at St John’s does not – except in the broadest terms – mention either colonialism or decolonisation, the latter of which was a module for honours students I took as part of the political science element of my 1970s polytechnic modern languages degree.

    I’m sorry to say this Robert, but the imposition of Christianity, the English legal system and cricket do not make up for all the misery the empire caused and you really should know better instead of indulging in the typical politician’s response to having an open – and in your case ignorant – mouth to any subject.

    Your attitude clearly displays your bigotry and racism even if you managed to avoid using deliberately racist and insulting language.

    * = Spelling is deliberate.

  • When saying sorry is too hard

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Social Media

    The last week has seen the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting (Chogm) held in Apia in Samoa. However, the meeting did not necessarily turn out in favour of the British state and its representatives, one Charles Philip Arthur George Mountbatten-Windsor, who some believe is its legitimate head of state, and ‘Sir’ Keir Rodney Starmer, head of government and leader of an allegedly Labour administration.

    The main point of contention was one of the many crimes against humanity committed by the English/British during their centuries-long invasion, colonisation and exploitation of vast areas of the world’s land surface – chattel slavery.

    The Caribbean members of the Commonwealth, under the umbrella of Caricom, have been demanding reparations for slavery for some time. Their reasoning is based on the fact that when slavery was abolished within the British Empire in 1833 (the slave trade as abolished in 1807. Ed.), the owners were compensated for their loss of ‘property‘ in the form of 700,000 enslaved persons This amounted to £20m and accounted for nearly one-quarter of the government’s budget in the year that it was paid. The emancipated slaves and their descendants were never compensated. Indeed to add further a insult to their suffering, the freed slaves were expected to work for free for the people who had already exploited them and were being handsomely rewarded for their inhumanity.

    Mr Windsor, whose ancestor Charles Stuart II granted the Royal African Company (RAC) a monopoly on all English trade with Africa, had particular difficulty in apologising for the harm his family and his state have done to Africa and the Caribbean. The RAC’s initial purpose was to trade in gold, but quickly moved on to trading in captured human beings, which became its main activity. The so-called royal family also invested in the slave trade: William of Orange (the King Billy so beloved of certain people in Ireland’s occupied six counties) bought shares in the RAC off one Edward Colston, whose statue in Bristol was toppled a few years ago and taken for a bath in the city docks. Despite his own family having blood on its hands from the slave trade, the best Charlie boy could manage was to call slavery the “most painful aspects of our past continue to resonate. according to the BBC.

    As for Starmer, he has ruled out any talk of reparation, but has indicated he is open to non-financial reparations, as The Guardian reports I don’t somehow think the Caribbean governments of Caricom will be persuaded by offers of mirrors, glass beads and other trinkets for supplying two centuries of free labour for Britain and its elite.

    Beside slavery being discussed slavery, the transatlantic slave trade and reparatory justice have all made their way into the meeting’s final communiqué (PDF) in its paragraphs 21 and 22.

    Finally, here’s a little song about saying sorry especially for Charles and Keir., which your ‘umble scribe hopes they will enjoy.

  • Font for fascism

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Tech

    Convicted serial offender and fascist Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, who for some inexplicable reason prefers to be called Tommy Robinson, has brought out a book with the help of a ghost writer Peter McLoughlin.

    For a day the book entitled Manifesto was top of Amazon UK’s best-seller chart, according to The Guardian, is is currently unavailable on Amazon’s website.

    Cover of Manifesto written by Peter McLoughlin with interference from Stephen Yaxley-Lennon

    Whilst the cover looks like the flag of St George folded in half, the text below the title dubiously claims the book deals with Free Speech, Real Democracy and Peaceful Disobedience, whilst what Yaxley-Lennon and his supporters indulge in is freedom to be racially prejudiced, fascism and violent disorder, as the media have duly reported down the years.

    However, the most salient feature of the cover that caught your correspondent’s eye was that the title and the names of the book’s authors were all written in the Comic Sans font.

    This friendly sans serif font is popular in place like primary schools due inter alia to its assumed legibility. This font, termed notorious by none other than the BBC, has also been in existence for 30 years this year.

    However, the font has not proved universally popular, as is imparted by its Wikipedia page.

    Film producer and The New York Times essayist Errol Morris wrote in an August 2012 posting, “The conscious awareness of Comic Sans promotes—at least among some people—contempt and summary dismissal.” With the help of a professor, he conducted an online experiment and found that Comic Sans, in comparison with five other typefaces (Baskerville, Helvetica, Georgia, Trebuchet MS, and Computer Modern), makes readers slightly less likely to believe that a statement they are reading is true.

    Contempt and summary dismissal are both apposite to anything that comes out of Yaxley-Lennon’s mouth, from his pen (or in his case crayon. Ed.) keyboard or camera.

  • Know worries

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics

    The verb to know and the associated noun knowledge are both concerned with the possession of information, awareness, familiarity, recognition and the like.

    Over the centuries this has resulted in some very specialised uses. One of these is the phrase carnal knowledge, described by Wikipedia as “an archaic or legal euphemism for sexual intercourse“. Thus the verb to know can take on sexual connotations. The most notable example of this usage is in the King James Bible in Luke 1. This is where Mary receives news from the angel Gabriel that she is to be mother of the son of God. When so enlightened, she replies as follows in verse 34, implying she is either unmarried, a virgin, or both:

    Then said Mary unto the angel, How shall this be, seeing I know not a man?

    Three members of the Metropolitan Police
    Hello, hello, hello!
    What are you writing about here then?
    Besides the field of human physical relationships, another field in which know has a particular meaning is law enforcement. The phrase in question in this context is “known to police“. Anyone who is known to police is not usually a person who drops into the station regularly for tea, biscuits and a chat. The phrase implies one has been arrested, charged and possibly convicted too, i.e. one has a criminal record.

    Or at least it did until this week.

    Yesterday’s Bristol Live/Post carried a report of an Avon & Somerset Police Question Time on 14th October featuring Chief Constable Sarah Crew and Clare Moody, the elected Police & Crime Commissioner.

    At one stage the discussion turned to human trafficking and modern slavery. The Chief Constable remarked that places of employment where trafficking was suspected included car washes, nail bars, care homes and agriculture.

    To this Ms Moody added:

    Victims of modern slavery and human trafficking are some of the most vulnerable people in our society.


    In order to be able to intervene in this criminality you have to be able to identify it’s happening. Your own threat assessment estimates that only ten per cent of the victims of this crime are known to Avon & Somerset Police.

    Is Ms Moody implying that 10 per cent of slavery and trafficking victims have a criminal record or have been previously arrested by Avon & Somerset’s finest? Or is she unaware of the special meaning of known to police?

    Your ‘umble scribe suspects the latter.

    Is known to police on the route to becoming another archaic or legal euphemism? Add your thoughts in the comments below.

  • Whom the gods wish to destroy…

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Social Media

    The seventeenth and eighteenth centuries saw the revival of a phrase dating back to ancient Greece and such luminaries as the philosophers Sophocles, Plato and the playwright Aeschylus. That phrase, still with us today, is generally rendered as Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.

    All of which bring us neatly from ancient Greece and the Enlightenment to the 21st century and the United States presidential campaign.

    Kindly step forward disgraced former president, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat, one Donald John Trump, an immodest man with much to be modest about.

    Despite being the worst president in modern times, the felonious Trump is once again running for office. One reason for this might be to keep him out of jail for his 34 current felony convictions, with probably more to follow for stealing classified documents and other high crimes and misdemeanors (as per the US constitution).

    However, as the campaign has progressed – not necessarily to The Donald’s advantage – it has become increasingly apparent that Trump is becoming increasingly incoherent and possibly senile.

    Take, for example, the post below on his Truth Social account on the havoc caused by Hurricane Helene recently.

    Note in particular the use of block capitals, a sure sign of something awry.

    Post reads DEVASTATION IN THE SOUTH LIES SQUARELY ON THE SHOULDERS OF THE INEPT BIDEN AND HARRIS ADMINISTRATION. THIS HURRICANE NEVER WOULD HAVE COME ANYWHERE CLOSE TO OUR BORDERS AND WREAKED HAVOC ON THIS BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY IF I WERE STILL IN OFFICE. THE FRAUDULENT 2020 ELECTION HAS ONCE AGAIN WROUGHT A TERRIBLE FATE ON AMERICA!

    Yes, you did read that correctly: it was all the fault of the incumbent Biden-Harris administration, which is a fairly typical Trump assertion. However, the claim in the next sentence that the hurricane would never have come near the US of A reveals delusions of divine powers, i.e. the ability to control the weather.

    This is not the first time Trump has had difficulty with a hurricane. Those with long political memories may recall Sharpiegate during The Donald’s disastrous occupancy of the Oval Office. The hurricane’s name was Dorian and, as CNN reported at the time, little Donny used a black Sharpie (a brand of felt-tipped pen popular in the USA. Ed.) to alter an official National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration map to include Alabama in the hurricane’s predicted course.

    Make America Grate Again, eh Donald? 😉

  • Curved handles

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media

    Friday’s Bristol Live/Post had a piece on an appeal to the public for information on an incident that happened a while ago in Easton. The vital part of the appeal reads as follows:

    Investigating officers have released a picture of a man, who was riding a silver road bike with curved handles, who they would like to identify in connection with the assault. They said it took place on Stapleton Road on Wednesday, August 7.

    Curved handles? Since when has a bicycle had handles, let alone curved ones.

    At first, your correspondent believed this was just another of Reach plc ‘journalists’ publicly displaying his/her ignorance of the English language, bearing in mind the fact that the correct use of terminology – le mot juste as the French would have it – is vital for comprehension and a lack of confusion on the part of the reader.

    The police press office also provided a useful picture of the suspect, plus bicycle complete with those mysterious curved handles.

    Those infamous curved handles. Image courtesy of Avon & Somerset Police.

    Anyway, your ‘umble scribe went looking for Plod’s original press release on the Avon & Somerset Police website.

    .

    The following sentence can be read therein:

    The man pictured is described as white, slim, in his 20s or 30s and has dark hair and facial hair. He is seen wearing a black Adidas hooded top and tracksuit bottoms. He is in possession of a silver road bike with curved handles {sic].

    That’s right! Those curved handles actually originated at police headquarters out at Portishead and not in Bristol’s infamous Temple Way Ministry of Truth.

    This is curious as the police allegedly require high standards from their staff as a recent advertisement for a communications officer reveals.

    You will have strong oral and written communications skills, an exceptional eye for detail…

    The use of the phrase curved handles does show that the author has written communications skills but not strong ones, whilst the lack of an exceptional eye for detail is displayed by an ignorance of the importance of the correct use of terminology.

    Words matter, except in Plod’s press room, whilst the ‘journalist’ responsible for copying and pasting the original press release should have been diligent enough to notice the original error and not repeated it, but as a former sub-editor cum media studies lecturer friend pointed out, today’s media studies student (and by implication graduates. Ed.) do not have a very high standard of English.

    Finally, hose curved handles are known to most folk outside the police press office and Bristol Live/Post as drop handlebars. 😀

  • The ‘little list’ man returns

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics

    'Lord' Peter 'Little List' Lilley in 2022One of the more interesting aspects of the current Nasty Party (© Theresa May) leadership competition is the number of old Tory politicians sticking their heads back above the parapet to endorse various Conservative leadership contenders. In addition, it serves as a reminder to the rest of us just how awful those candidates are, as well as how dreadful the endorsers were when in office and still are today.

    Yesterday’s Guardian reminds us that in an article in The Times (paywalled) that ‘Lord’ Peter Lilley, who was Secretary of State for Social Security under John Major, as well as occupying other ministerial and party positions under other party leaders, announced his endorsement of leadership contender Kemi Badenoch (a person so unpleasant Guardian political sketch writer John Crace has described her as being able to “start a fight with her own reflection. Ed.), drawing attention to her engineering background and aligning it with the scientific background of the sainted Thatcher, as follows:

    Since Margaret Thatcher, a science graduate, nearly every prime minister and party leader of both the Tories and Labour has been a wordsmith. They mostly studied politics, philosophy and economics, or law. They were good at using words, all too often twisting words to explain away failure and rationalise broken promises, or finding out what people want then telling them what they want to hear. But they lacked the mindset to organise and plan the deployment of resources and people.

    Lilley may have denounced the law and Oxbridge PPE graduates who tend to dominate modern politics and their twisted use of words, but he himself has not been immune in his time from twisting words for political effect, as was more than apparent in his 1992 speech to the Conservative Party conference, in which he referred to his notorious ‘Little List‘ which demonised those unfortunate enough to have to claim social security benefits under a Tory government – usually demonised as fraudsters and scroungers.


    The transcript of Lilley’s parody from Gilbert and Sullivan’s The Mikado reads as follows:

    I’ve got a little list / Of benefit offenders who I’ll soon be rooting out / And who never would be missed / They never would be missed. /
    There’s those who make up bogus claims / In half a dozen names / And councillors who draw the dole / To run left-wing campaigns / They never would be missed / They never would be missed. /
    There’s young ladies who get pregnant just to jump the housing queue / And dads who won’t support the kids / of ladies they have … kissed / And I haven’t even mentioned all those sponging socialists / I’ve got them on my list / And they’ll none of them be missed / They’ll none of them be missed.

    Do you remember what is said about people who live in glass houses, Mr Lilley? 😀

  • One American can’t do irony

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Social Media

    Last week this blog featured a post entitled America does irony (posts passim). However, your ‘umble scribe perhaps ought to have prefaced the title with the qualifying Some of… as rules that are not hard and fast have exceptions to them.

    And here we come to a very big exception: namely the disgraced former 45th president of the United States, convicted felon, insurrectionist, adjudicated business fraudster, confirmed sexual predator, perpetual liar and serial golf cheat one Donald John Trump.

    Text reads trying to claim that America does not have a gun problem while standing behind a sheet of bullet proof glass is peak Republican

    Anyone with two working brain cells and a hole in their backside can see the ridiculousness of The Donald’s position, even though the man himself – in the loosest sense of the word – is totally unaware of the fool he is making of himself, against which the so-called Bushisms, i.e. those unconventional statements, phrases, pronunciations, malapropisms, and semantic or linguistic errors made in the public speaking of George W. Bush, the 43rd President of the United States, look positively endearing. But then again, George Dubya is another Republican…

  • Days out ideas. Time machine required

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media, Oddities, Social Media

    When parliament rises for the summer recess, the period until it reconvenes in the autumn is traditionally known as the silly season. This time of year was traditionally when the press would scramble around desperately for something newsworthy and printable.

    This has changed somewhat in recent decades due to the emergence of the 24 hours news cycle driven by technological change, including the rise of social media.

    However, the need to find worthwhile to publish is exacerbated when the silly season also includes a public holiday, a time when the great unwashed needs to be kept amused and entertained, which brings us to a piece in today’s edition of the Bristol Post/Live.

    Headline reads 7 of the prettiest villages near Bristol to visit in 2023

    Yes, you did read the headline correctly. It does say 2024. Sadly, in this particular item, Bristol’s Reach plc local news title has not followed standard Reach procedure and included affiliate links to time machine providers in the copy, so those intent on visiting Bristol’s hinterland last year will have to go and look for their own, at least until the proofreader returns from holiday. 🙂

  • America does irony

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Social Media

    A common misconception about US citizens is that Americans en bloc cannot do irony.

    This is known as stereotyping, i.e. people attributing a set idea they have about what someone or something is like, especially an idea that is wrong.

    The stereotyping was misproved (yet again!) earlier this week by the post below on the former social media site now known as X (mostly for the rating of its content. Ed.) in relation to the disgraced 45th President of the United States, adjudicated sexual predator, condemned business fraudster, convicted felon and compulsive liar, one Donald John Trump.

    Post reads Sorry, but I have to agree with Trump. Crime is out of control. Just look at New York. There is a dude who was convicted of 34 felonies there, and he's still walking the streets.

    In the dictionary irony is defined as follows:

    a situation in which something which was intended to have a particular result has the opposite or a very different result.

    Anyone who does come out with the ‘Americans can’t do irony‘ phrase needs to look up what a national or ethnic stereotype is. 😀

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