language | Steve Woods

For UK, see England

04/05/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics, Social Media

For some in England – an it only obtains in England – happens throughout the whole of the island of Great Britain and the occupied six counties of the Ireland of Ireland that suffers under the monicker of the United Kingdom.

Those in England frequently forget that England isn’t the whole of the UK. It includes Wales, which England first colonised in the late 12th century, Scotland, which has its own system of law and institutions, and the aforementioned occupied six Irish counties, the remnant of yet more colonial activity likewise dating back to the late 12th century.

People in parts of the UK that are not England frequently view England as the most privileged part of the union, particularly when it displays arrogance, exceptionalism and a lack of tact, especially as the union did not come about voluntarily and secession from which may only be put to the vote if Whitehall is feeling generous.

However, arrogance, exceptionalism and a lack of tact does not apply only in the political sphere, but in the reporting of politics by the media.

The following post has appeared on the X/Twitter account of London-based Channel 4 News on 3rd May.

The what decides?

The only local elections taking place in the UK were mostly in England on 2nd May and involved elections for a large number of local authorities, regional mayors and police and crime commissioners.

By virtue of Henry VIII’s 16th century Acts of Union, the only electoral activity anywhere else in the UK involved the election of the four Welsh police and crime commissioners for the four regional Welsh police forces. As regards these Welsh elections, Nation Cymru carries an opinion piece advocating the abolition of commissioners due to the extremely low voter turnout.
The proportion of people on the electoral register who bothered to vote was 19.2% in the Dyfed-Powys police force area, 17.19% in North Wales, 16.58% in South Wales and 15.63% in Gwent.

This hardly the UK really decides, now is it, Channel 4 News?
60 year-old toddler denied vote

03/05/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics

A polling station in South Oxfordshire had the embarrassing duty of refusing to allow someone with a toddler haircut the opportunity to vote.

The toddler in question was 60 years old and rejoiced in the title and name of disgraced former party-time alleged prime minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.

According to the BBC, former Conservative Prime Minister Boris Johnson was turned away from his local polling station after forgetting to bring acceptable photo ID. However, he returned later with the necessary ID and was able to vote.

The irony of this occurrence is that the production of photo ID to vote was introduced by Johnson’s government in the Elections Act 2022 in a deliberate act to suppress votes for the opposition. How so? there are far more forms of photo ID acceptable as proof of identity that held by older people than those held by younger people. Furthermore, younger people are generally less inclined to vote Conservative.

The justification given at the time for introducing photo ID was to eliminate personation, i.e. assuming the identity of another person with intent to deceive, particularly within the scope of an election. Nevertheless, this is a non-problem in Britain. As Andy Beckett helpfully points out in today’s Guardian: “According to the Electoral Commission, at the last nationwide elections before voter ID was introduced, in 2022, only seven people were accused of the crime that the new system is supposed to end – impersonating another voter at a polling station – and none of these allegations led to police action“.

So why did Johnson turn up at the polling station without valid photo ID? There could be a couple reasons. Firstly, for all his erudition and love of quoting classical mythology and ancient history,Johnson isn’t all that bright. Even when one examines his use of classical references, they too can fall apart under the most cursory examination (posts passim). Could he simply have forgotten the impact of his legislation? Hardly likely, considering how the need to furnish photo ID is printed in bold characters on every poll card. Secondly there’s Johnson’s arrogance and sense of entitlement. He believes rules are for everyone else and don’t apply to patrician types like himself. This was amply demonstrated by the Downing Street Partygate affair during the lockdown for the Covid 19 pandemic.

Finally, the disgraceful Johnson was not the only high-level Tory to be caught out by falling foul of the photo ID requirement.

Step forward Tom Hunt, the Conservative MP for Ipswich. According to The Independent, Mr Hunt asked local members to act as his “emergency proxy” after he found that he had no appropriate ID to vote in the local council elections. The paper goes on to explain that under certain circumstances, where you have an emergency that means you can’t vote in person, you can apply for an emergency proxy. Such emergency proxy applications can be made up to 5pm on polling day. Unlike Johnson, Mr Hunt has been diagnosed with both dyslexia and dyspraxia, which could explain his predicament.
Avian neighbours

20/04/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities

Your ‘umble scribe is spending a few days beyond the confines of HM Open Prison United Kingdom staying with family in the Campo de Gibraltar. It’s his first time in the country for a few decades and a good chance to brush up on rusty spoken Spanish, as well as get some much-needed sun after a long, wet English winter.

Being out in the countryside, your correspondent has been amazed by the local birdlife, which features species that are never or rarely seen back home.

Firstly, let’s introduce the biggest of the local avian species, the Eurasian Griffon Vulture. These are described by my trusty half a century old Collins bird book as having a flight outline like a “tea tray in the sky“, stand as high as 1.22 metres high and have a wingspan up to 2.8 metres.

They are spotted throughout the day on the crags behind the house, as well as riding the thermals in large flocks.

Three vultures perched on crags. Very easy photographic subjects at rest, but testing the phone camera’s technical limits.

It’s rather difficult to get a decent photo of them on a phone, so here’s a close-up from elsewhere.

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

The other 2 very impressive local birds are more colourful but slightly smaller: the golden oriole and the European bee-eater respectively.

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Orioles are truly spectacular, flitting across the valley in a flash of gold and black. Although they do migrate to Britain, their distribution is rather limited, whilst your ‘umble scribe had four sightings in a couple of hours one afternoon.

Where the oriole impresses with its two-tone plumage, the bea-eater has colourful plumage reminiscent of a member of a 1970s psychedelic rock band.

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

These birds are not regular migrants to Britain, but have bred on several occasions in recent years, according to the RSPB. Down in southern Spain, it can sound as if there’s one in just about every shrub at times!
The importance of proofreading

17/04/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Social Media

Within minutes of each other, two occurrences reminded your ‘umble scribe of the importance of proofreading, i.e. the process of finding and correcting mistakes in text before it is printed out or posted online.

If nothing else, it proves the person or company involves knows what it’s doing and writing, providing evidence of professional competence

The first was spotted on a change machine in Terminal 1 of Manchester Airport in the early hours of this morning.

SPECIMAN? What’s one of those?

According to Wikipedia, a specimen – not SPECIMAN – banknote is printed generally in very limited quantities for distribution to central banks to aid in the recognition of banknotes from a country other than their own. Furthermore, To avoid use of specimen banknotes as legal tender notes, the banknotes are deformed, typically by being overprinted and/or punched (perfin) with an inscription such as “SPECIMEN”, “SPECIMEN NO VALUE”, “CANCELLED” or the equivalent in one or more other languages.

The second turned up a couple of minutes later on your correspondent’s social media feed.

Should those with a poor grasp of English be gaoled?

A reverse image search reveals that the original image first emerged on social media some 4 years ago and originated in the United States. Note that the snack is accurately defined as having caramelized onion relish its long description. Y’all have a good misspelt sandwich now! 😀
Single news day, double ambiguity

10/04/2024 Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media

In his first job after graduation at Bristol’s Imperial Tobacco, your ‘umble scribe was coached in writing in the company’s house style, which included writing clearly to avoid any ambiguity, i.e. the quality of a phrase or sentence being open to more than one interpretation.

This avoidance of ambiguity is something that clearly needs to be instilled in what passes nowadays for the journalists at the Bristol (Evening) Post/Bristol Live, who yesterday demonstrated that Bristol’s Temple Way Ministry of Truth is quite capable of serving up double helpings thereof.

Firstly, have you got a few spare quid? Do you fancy buying a foreign city, especially one where property prices are so low that the whole metropolis will only set you back a mere £18?

What can one complain about? A nice cheap price and 300 days sunshine per year. When can I start packing? And are other similarly priced settlements available nearby? I really do feel I can afford to build up a property portfolio. 😀

The day’s other bit of ambiguity is far more grisly and disturbing involving two deaths, one of them violent.

Did the murder take place in the caravan? Thankfully, the byline provides reliable information where the headline, by trying to cram in the whole story in one phrase, merely serves to sow confusion.

Language is a precision tool, capable of imparting detailed information. However, those employed as ‘journalists’ by Reach plc titles like the Post/Live, only seem capable of using it like a crude, blunt instrument. 🙁
Asda vs Asbo

04/04/2024 Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Oddities, Politics

British supermarket chain Asda is well known for the lime green livery of its grocery delivery vans, as per the photograph below.

Photo credit: Asda

However, there is now a serious rival to Asda’s dominance of the lime green delivery van sector. The vehicle below was spotted last week outside the Chelsea Inn at the junction of Chelsea Road and Bloy Street in Bristol’s Easton area.

Both Asda and Asbo are acronyms, i.e. abbreviations formed from the initial letters of other words and pronounced as a word. Asda is a truncated version of the first part of its original name of Associated Dairies and Farm Stores , whilst Asbo denotes an Anti-Social Behaviour Order, a past form of sanction for naughty boys and girls which has now been replaced by two penalties – the Community Protection Order (CPO) and the Criminal Behaviour Order (CBO).

Note that the Asbo van is parked on the footway (which some refer to as the pavement (posts passim). Ed.); how apposite! 😀
Distracted boyfriend: Tory Lite edition

30/03/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Social Media
The latest variant of the Distracted boyfriend meme has just come into my social media feed (posts passim).

This time the dramatis personae are:
- Distracted boyfriend – ‘Sir’ Keir Rodney Starmer, allegedly leader of the democratic socialist (on paper anyway. Ed.) Labour Party;
- Annoyed girlfriend – Clement Attlee, leader of the 1945-51 post-war Labour government, which introduced the National Health Service amongst other achievements; and
- New love interest – one Margaret Hilda Thatcher, one of the Untied Kingdom’s worst prime ministers and figure of divine devotion to the right-wing Conservative Party, the person who inspired the addition to the English language of the noun Thatcherism and the adjective Thatcherite.
Some would say that any similarity between Starmer and a socialist is – as Hollywood would say – purely coincidental; others would even go as far as to declare such to be non-existent.
Honest Bob does a racism

30/03/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics

Backbench Tory MP Robert “Honest Bob” Jenrick has proposed that details of a person’s nationality, immigration and visa status should be recorded whenever he or she is given a criminal conviction, Nation Cymru reports.

This piece of blatant racism has been submitted an amendment to the government’s Criminal Justice Bill, with Jenrick justifying it by saying the data would help to inform deportation and visa policies.

Under Jenrick’s plan, there would be an annual requirement to publish the nationality, visa and asylum status of every offender convicted in English and Welsh courts in the previous year.

In the traditional early morning media round for politicians in the last few days, Jenrick has been claiming without any citations or empirical evidence that there is “significant and growing evidence that we [the UK] were importing crime”.

The BBC notes that Jenrick’s proposal has been backed by 25 Tory MPs, including the likes of former ministers ‘Sir’ Jacob “Happier Fish” Rees-Mogg and ‘Sir’ Robert Buckland, who presumably are also not bothered about being labelled as racists.

Well-informed readers will be aware that Jenrick is a former immigration minister, who resigned because alleged prime minister Rishi Sunak was not being sufficiently nasty to foreigners.

There is an old idiom in English, the fox guarding the hen house, which dates back to at least the 1580s. It denotes a set of circumstances in which someone who should not be trusted has been chosen to protect someone or oversee a situation.

It is ideal to describe xenophobe like Jenrick being elevated to such a public office. Now he’s back on the back benches of the Commons, he’s clearly not letting opportunities to embrace his inner racist pass him by.
Greggs – EN-US written here

21/03/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Social Media, Tech

In recent days, pastry products purveyor Greggs suffered an IT outage that left shops unable to process certain types of payment, the BBC reported yesterday. The company has over 2,000 branches and employs 21,500 persons.

Some shops were forced to close and posted notices saying they were closed for the day or could only accept certain payment types. Fans of hot pastry-based snacks took to social media, with some labelling it as bordering on a national emergency. One of the more interesting signs from an unidentified branch of Greggs is shown below.

Yes, you did read that correctly: “Due to a system outage, we are CARD ONLY temporarily and our staff cant do math“.

A system outage is not the only woe to beset this particular branch of Greggs. First of all, there’s a punctuation thief about, unless the staff cant is hypocritical and sanctimonious talk, typically of a moral, religious, or political nature from employees. Secondly, what is this math? Mathematics, the knowledge that includes the topics of numbers, formulas and related structures, shapes and the spaces in which they are contained, and quantities and their changes, is abbreviated differently by speakers of British and American English; the former with maths, the latter with math, as in the well-known US phrase, (you) do the math.

Fears of the creeping Americanisation of British English have been doing the rounds for about a century already, but are becoming more prevalent due to the pervasiveness of US culture and a general lack of awareness of the distinctions between the two dialects. For instance, your ‘umble scribe would call something that ran his laptop a program, whilst something broadcast on the radio or TV would be a programme: some folk – quite possibly younger – would use program without distinction for both.
Bristol’s Roman Road

20/03/2024 Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Oddities

There’s a Roman road that runs across Durdham Down in the Clifton area of Bristol.

However, it’s not the one near the top of Blackboy Hill with the modern name plate and the posh BS9 postcode. That ‘Roman’ road is an imposter, albeit a short but straight one.

There is a real Roman road that crosses Durdham Down, but it’s much harder to spot on the ground since it consists of just the agger, the raised bank upon which the road was laid and its two accompanying side ditches. Your ‘umble scribe actually had to lie on the ground to spot it, as the lumps and bumps on the ground can be measured in mere centimetres. The sharp-eyed may be able to discern the differences between the agger and side ditches in the photograph below.

It’s somewhat easier to spot on a Lidar scan of the area. It can be seen in the 2 faint parallel lines depicting the ditches on either side of the agger, which are enclosed by the red ellipse in the photo below.

This section of Roman highway is a scheduled monument. Its official listing reads as follows.

The monument includes part of the Roman road which originally ran from Bath to Sea Mills, situated on a wide plateau known as Durdham Down. The road survives as a length of flat-topped bank measuring approximately 100m long, 10m wide and 0.6m high with a visible although largely buried ditch on the south side.

The Sea Mills mentioned above is a modern-ish suburb of Bristol. It was, however, also home to the Romans who established a settlement called Portus Abonae there. From Portus Abonae, travellers on the road would have had to take to water to continue their onward

In between the surviving section on the Downs and Portus Abonae, part of the original Roman road’s alignment is still in use today, its course being followed by the current Mariner’s Drive/Mariner’s Lane.

The map below shows how this Roman Road, known as the Via Julia, fitted into the general system of roads in Rome’s province of Britannia.

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

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