English usage

  • Ambiguity

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media

    The dictionary definition of ambiguity is “the fact of something having more than one possible meaning and therefore possibly causing confusion“.

    Any sensible person would therefore believe that ambiguity has no place in a newspaper headline.

    However, newspapers are not written nowadays by sensible people: or so it would seem.

    This is exacerbated by the modern media practice of trying to cram the entire story into the headline in a condensed form, as shown by the screenshot below of this piece from the Daily Post, a title in the Reach plc stable which serves the north of Cymru.

    Headline - Prisoner on run with smiley face tattoo and links to North Wales

    For the benefit of passing illiterate Reach ‘journalists’, an unambiguous version of the headline would read “Prisoner with smiley face tattoo and links to North Wales on run”.

    It has since been rumoured that the smiley face tattoo has been recaptured by police. 😉

  • Spot the difference

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Politics, Security, Social Media

    From my social media timeline.

    Two road signs both dealing with ice. The Canadian sign warns of frozen water, the US one of the actions of a racist federal government agency

    For those unaware of the actions of the racist US Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency under the less than benign presidency of the disgraced former 45th president and current disgraceful 47th president of the United States of America, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat commonly known as Donald John Trump, the mock-up US road sign is on the right (naturally. Ed.).

    The cruel actions of ICE are all part of The Felon’s chief mission to Make America Grate Again (or something like that. Ed.).

  • First… for greenwashing

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Tech

    First Group has a virtual monopoly on public transport in Bristol via its buses and GWR Trains. However, its inability to run any service to timetable – no matter how important – has earned it the nickname of Worst Group.

    First Bus was all over the local media at the start of June when it announced the opening of a new bus depot in the city’s Hengrove area for servicing its fleet of electric buses which will eventually total 74 vehicles.

    One of Worst's new electric double decker buses.

    Your ‘umble scribe recently tried out one of the new double decker electric buses on the Number 24 route, which runs between Ashton and Southmead Hospital. On the whole the experience was very positive. The bus was clean, the ride silent and smooth. However, at this point a significant however enters the picture, namely that your correspondent was less than impressed by the greenwashing on the sides of the bus.

    Text reads I'm a zero-emission electric bus

    According to Wikipedia, greenwashing may be defined as follows:

    Greenwashing (a compound word modeled on “whitewash”), also called green sheen, is a form of advertising or marketing spin that deceptively uses green PR and green marketing to persuade the public that an organization’s products, goals, or policies are environmentally friendly. Companies that intentionally adopt greenwashing communication strategies often do so to distance themselves from their environmental lapses or those of their suppliers.[6] Firms engage in greenwashing for two primary reasons: to appear legitimate and to project an image of environmental responsibility to the public.

    Whilst the engines of the new buses produce zero greenhouse gases or particulate emissions, that does not necessarily mean the vehicles are entirely free of emissions, especially when significant elements of the vehicle produce particulates due to wear and tear caused by their function. The two components involved are the brakes and tyres.

    Until First acquires vehicles with zero tyre and brake wear, they should continue to be called out for being less than honest with the (travelling) public.

  • Car park to be replaced by jargon

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media, Politics

    In a further perceived blow to Bristol’s allegedly long-suffering but volubly vocal motoring lobby, Bristol City Council has announced it is investigating alternative uses for two current car parks, according to Bristol247.

    One of the two, near the SS Great Britain down the city docks and known as the Maritime Heritage Centre Car Park, is being investigated as a site for up to 150 flats. However, the fate of the other behind the Counts Louse (which some insist on calling City Hall. Ed.) is completely different; it’s due to be superseded by, er, jargon, i.e. special words or expressions used by a profession or group that are difficult for others to understand, in this instance something termed a last-mile micro-consolidation hub.

    Thankfully a picture showing what this could look like has been provided by WSP, the city council’s chosen gibberish partners.

    Yer tiz, as we say in Bristol.

    Image of the so-called last-mile micro-consolidation hub.
    Image courtesy of WSP

    According to WSP, the gibberish “will provide a sustainable solution for freight deliveries, reducing reliance on traditional vans and supporting the city’s decarbonisation goals”.

    Note how yet more jargon has to be used to explain the initial gobbledygook. If two loads of jargon are required to explain a fairly simple concept, perhaps the verbal diarrhoea merchants need to have a long sit down and a rethink. 😀

  • BBC exclusive – bronze rusts!

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Oddities

    The BBC loves to boast about the quality of its journalism.

    However, every now and again, it manages to publish an untruth so egregious and also stupid that one wonders how it gained a reputation for high class output in the first place.

    To continue our story, we must travel to Nottinghamshire and the banks of the River Trent.

    In April members of the police Underwater Search Team found a corroded ship’s bell during a routine training exercise and brought it ashore for a closer look, where the name Humber Prince emerged after the item was cleaned.

    The bell was formerly attached to a vessel originally known as the Esso Nottingham, which was built in 1956 and subsequently re-registered as the Humber Prince in 1964 by Hull-based company by John H Whitaker Tankers, which used to ferry hydrocarbons on the river.

    The ship's bell - before and after cleaning
    Photo courtesy of Nottinghamshire Police

    When the BBC published its version of the story, a remarkable thing happened; the bell had turned rusty.

    However, there is no mention of rust or any other metallic corrosion in Nottinghamshire Police’s original press release.

    From the photos on the police press release, it is obvious that the bell is made of brass or bronze, not a ferrous metal such as iron or steel, which typically rusts as it corrodes.

    Wikipedia’s page on the ship’s bell gives full details of the typical materials used.

    The bell itself is usually made of brass or bronze, and normally has the ship’s name engraved or cast on it.

    May I suggest that the BBC’s author writes out 100 times “Iron and steel rust. Other metals corrode!“

  • Gone quishing

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Security, Tech

    QR code with link to one of the reference articles for this postIn recent times, QR codes have started to be exploited in phishing attacks, as reported and explained by The Daily Record. This has given rise to another neologism and such attacks are also known as ‘quishing’.

    The phenomenon has been very prevalent in Cymru recently, as noticed by the Rhyl Journal.

    Denbighshire County Council and Conwy County Borough Council has urged residents to take care, as neither use QR codes as a payment method at council-run car parks.

    Similarly, more than 20 fake QR code reports have been made regarding parking meters across the promenade in Llandudno.

    For comprehensive advice on fake QR codes and how to avoid them, plus other scams visit Stop Scams UK.

    NB: The QR code at the top of this post contains a QR code to one of the links used in the piece.

  • What a Fine fellow

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Social Media

    In his 1948 dystopian novel, Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell introduces the concept of Newspeak, a new of language, which is defined as follows, according to Wikipedia.

    To meet the ideological requirements of Ingsoc (English Socialism) in Oceania, the Party created Newspeak, which is a controlled language of simplified grammar and limited vocabulary designed to limit a person’s ability for critical thinking. The Newspeak language thus limits the person’s ability to articulate and communicate abstract concepts, such as personal identity, self-expression, and free will, which are thoughtcrimes, acts of personal independence that contradict the ideological orthodoxy of Ingsoc collectivism.

    Talking about a limited or non-existent ability for critical thinking, it’s time to introduce Rep. Randy Fine, the Republican Party’s representative for Florida’s 6th congressional district, in whom the capacity for critical thinking is completely lacking, as shown by his social media activity earlier in the week and the following post in particular.

    I want to congratulate @Israel on its mostly peaceful bombing of Iran.

    Peaceful bombing, Congressman?

    Yes, of course it was peaceful, Randy; there was absolutely no bloodshed and flowers bloomed where the bombs fell.

    Rep. Fine’s Wikipedia entry also reveals he is an Islamophobe, racist, gun rights supporter, cheerleader for the genocidal Israeli state (he called Ireland antisemitic for its recognition of Palestine in 2024. Ed.) and, last but not least, homophobic.

    Randy Fine reminds your correspondent of another very pertinent quotation from Orwell’s novel, i.e.:

    War is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength.

    Have a nice day!

  • Grammer, AI style

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Tech

    From your ‘umble scribe’s social media timeline.

    Social media post by @prettybbuckley reading well no over an image featuring the text but truly wasn’t sure how., which Grammarly AI has suggested should be corrected to was trulyn't [sic]

    We all occasionally need help with English grammar, even we pensioners who have spent decades working at linguists, but the above ‘suggestion‘ from Grammarly could be diplomatically described as unhelpful.

    According to Wikipedia, “Grammarly is an American English language writing assistant software tool. It reviews the spelling, grammar, and tone of a piece of writing“, as well as being a tool for detecting plagiarism.

    On its own website, Grammarly is described as ‘Grammarly, the trusted AI assistant for everyday communication‘.

    On the basis of the above howler, your correspondent would not trust it to write out the alphabet in the correct sequence.

  • Golden Arches anthropophagism?

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Social Media

    The photograph below popped up in your ‘umble scribe’s social media feed this morning.

    Sign reads Restroom is for eating customers only!!!

    Judging by the use of the term restroom, the sign was apparently affixed to the door to the toilets of a fast food outlet somewhere in the USA, allegedly in a branch of junk food giant McDonalds, according to the original social media post.

    Note the three exclamation marks at the end of the phrase. One is usually sufficient.

    It is not known how long the chain itself – or indeed the United States as a nation – has permitted cannibalism either within or outwith toilet facilities, let alone endorsed the practice.

    One pertinent question springs to mind: “Do you want fries with that?

    Bon appétit !

    Just ignore the smell and the sound of running water…

  • For UK, see England

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media, Oddities

    Ever since Æthelstan became King of the English in 927 CE, some in England – starting with Æthelstan himself – have had difficulty recognising where England ended and the rest of the world began. Indeed Æthelstan meddled so much in the land of the Scots that they allegedly nicknamed him “The Bastard“.

    Given the dominance of England within the Untied Kingdom, this has persisted down through the centuries that separate the present from the days of Ælfred of Wessex‘s grandson.

    The latest manifestation of this Englandshire = the entire UK occurs in yesterday’s online edition of Bristol ‘Live’, the city’s unfortunate newspaper of warped record, which managed to defy both demographics and geography in one awful little puff piece masquerading as “news“.

    A screenshot of the headline of the offending article is offered below.

    Headline - UK's smallest city an hour from Bristol is as charming as York and Canterbury - but has far fewer tourists. Byline - The smallest city in England has plenty to offer visitors and yet it remains off the beaten track.

    Although Wells is described in the piece as “England’s smallest city“, there is no empirical evidence provided of its lack of size. Your ‘umble scribe used a little-known research technique called using a search engine to provide an answer; in this case 5 seconds’ work gave a census population figure of 12,000 for Wells.

    However, Wells is not the Untied Kingdom’s smallest cathedral city. Cymru has two cathedral cities that together have a combined population of well under Wells’ 12,000 souls. First of all there’s Llanelwy/St Asaph (pop. 3,485) and Tyddewi/St Davids (pop. 1,751), which is actually the UK’s smallest cathedral city in terms of number of residents.

    Your correspondent is surprised that today’s ‘journalists’ are not familiar with this research technique he often uses, which is recommended they use as a matter of course. 😀

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