language

  • Can’t tell Kernewek from Cymraeg? You must be Tesco

    Steve WoodsLanguage

    There must have been red faces all round in Tesco’s boardroom yesterday.

    In a bid to ingratiate themselves with the residents of Helston in Cornwall (and thus extract more revenue from their bank accounts. Ed), Tesco bosses decided the store needed bilingual signage.

    So signage in the vernacular was duly installed, according to The Guardian.

    However, the signs were in the wrong vernacular as signage in Cymraeg (Welsh) was installed, instead of in Kernewek (Cornish).

    Bilingual English/Cymraeg sign in Cornish spuermarket

    There are about 400 to 500 advanced speakers of Kernewek with between 2,500 and 5,000 people having some basic ability in the language. More than 100,000 people expressed their main national identity, ethnicity or main language as Cornish in the 2021 census.

    The Cornish people are a recognised national minority under the European Framework Convention for the Protection of National Minorities, meaning they share the same status as the Welsh, Irish and Scots within the UK.

    The company has since apologised for the cock-up and removed the signs.

  • Metrology – introducing the corgi

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Social Media

    The United States of America has long had a system of weights and measures that make the British Imperial system seem logical even if the latter does include such oddities as the furlong, chain and barleycorn even just in the length measurements alone.

    And the US metrological landscape has just been augmented by one East Coast addition to the units of measurement.

    Your ‘umble scribe much prefers the symmetry and simplicity of the metric system that he was first taught and used in science and mathematics classes six decades ago and which still has to adopted wholeheartedly by a British state allegedly unwilling to upset or confuse (really? Ed.) those of his generation, although he suspects this reluctance is also heavily coloured by a large measure of English/British exceptionalism.

    In addition to the officially adopted systems of weights and measures, ordinary folk have always used their own informal and somewhat odd units. In the past this site has covered the introduction – usually by the mainstream media – of units as diverse as the Stockholm (housing stock/housing crisis) and the Leaning Tower of Pisa (height).

    As mentioned above, these venerable units of measurement have now been joined by another – the corgi – which is currently being used in North Carolina to assess the depth of the local snowfall. 😀

    Post reads 'I can officially confirm that the snow in NC is now roughly one (1) corgi deep.'

  • A nightmare at the movies

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics, Social Media, Tech

    A new ‘documentary’ film is currently being shown in cinemas across the United States. Entitled Melania, it documents the life of Melania Knauss Trump, the first lady of the United States, in the twenty days before the second presidential inauguration of her husband, the disgraced 45th and current disgraceful 47th President of the United States, adjudicated sexual predator, condemned business fraudster, convicted felon and compulsive liar, one Donald John Trump (who is on a personal quest to Make America Grate Again or something similar. Ed.).

    According to The Guardian, Amazon MGM Studios bought the rights to the film for $40m – which reportedly included a considerable sum to the subject of the film (no surprise there! The whole tRump family are high gains grifters. Ed.) – and is spending $35m on a global marketing push. This spend has so far been mostly in the US, with TV spots, billboards and a takeover of Las Vegas’s immersive events venue The Sphere.

    However, the film is not proving popular either with the public or the critics. As regards the latter, this might just be due to the mainstream press not being invited by Amazon the the premiere at the Kennedy Center.

    The exclusion of the Fourth Estate may also explain the dire reviews the film has been receiving, such as the one below ascribed to Variety, although Yahoo News suggests this could be a misattribution.

    Post reads Best review ever. On the Netflix Melania “documentary”: 'If they showed this film on a plane, people would still walk out.' -Variety

    What is more, it’s not just film critics that have been drawing attention to the film’s awfulness. Members of the public reviewing it on IMDb have given it an average score of 1.3 out of ten.

    However, this criticism is quite mild compared with the defaced bus stop poster portrayed below, which prompts ypour ‘umble scribe to ask when exactly will the so-called Epstein Files be released in full?

    Bus stop poster for film with addendum My husband fucks kids

    Update 31/01/2026: Another tranche of the Epstein Files was released yesterday, with at least one wag on social media suggesting the files’ release was intended to distract from from the Melania documentary.

    Post reads Can't believe they released the Epstein files to cover up for the Melania movie.

    Update 03/02/2026: The film continues to get panned, as revealed by this social media post referring to a recent review in The Grauniad.

    Post reads Brutal correction on the Guardian’s review of Melania: “The star rating for this film was corrected on 2 February 2026. A formatting issue led an earlier version to be awarded one star, when the reviewer’s intention was zero”

  • Irish language to have equal status with English during Irish EU presidency

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics

    Ireland coat of armsThe presidency of the Council of Ministers rotates between the European Union’s member states every six months. The presidency is currently occupied by Cyprus until 30th June 2026.

    On 1st June 2026 the presidency switches to Ireland, which has announced that for the first time in its membership of the organisation, the Irish language will have equal status with English during its presidency.

    Irish is recognised by the Constitution of Ireland as the national and first official language of the Republic of Ireland (English being the other official language). However, in spite this, almost all government business and legislative debate is conducted in English.

    According to the Irish Times piece, all official documents, policy programmes and press releases will be in Irish and English, while content on the Irish presidency website will be available in Irish, English and French.

    Furthermore, the Irish government has also given a commitment that content requiring immediate publication, such as European Council decisions, will be published simultaneously in Irish and English where feasible and within a very short period of each other, if not, with the aim of ensuring that Irish has close to equal status to English during the six-month term of the presidency.

    The commitment to the Irish language even extends to encouraging the use of Irish at all formal council meetings in Brussels and Luxembourg and during informal meetings in Ireland.

    The Irish EU presidency will also feature cultural programmes involving Irish language literature, arts and music. This programme will be co-ordinated by Culture Ireland in consultation with the Department of the Gaeltacht.

    Whereas Irish used to be the first language of the majority of Ireland’s population before the 20th century, its usage has since declined considerably. According to Wikipedia, the total number of people (aged 3 and over) in Ireland who declared they could speak Irish in April 2022 was 1,873,997, representing 40% of respondents, but of these, 472,887 said they never spoke it and a further 551,993 said they only spoke it within the education system.Linguistic analyses of Irish speakers are therefore based primarily on the number of daily users in Ireland outside the education system, which in 2022 was 20,261 in the Gaeltacht and 51,707 outside it, totalling 71,968.

  • Reform candidate emulates tRump

    Steve WoodsAI, Language, Politics, Social Media

    On Terry Pratchett’s fictional Discworld, Ankh Morpork local newspaper publisher William de Worde remarks: “Lies could run round the world before the truth could get its boots on” in the novel The Truth.

    That turn of speed definitely applies today to internet memes, whether AI-generated slop or otherwise.

    It hasn’t taken long for the Farage fascist fan club otherwise known as Reform UK (Ltd.) to pick up on some of the latest garbage emanating from the White House (posts passim) and adapt it for their own Z-list candidate for mayor, Laila Cunningham, another Conservative Party defector who, amongst other things, want to dictate what women choose to wear.

    Reform UK reworking of White House AI, but featuring mayoral candidate Laila Cunningham in place of the alleged president and a bloody butcher's apron instead of the stars and stripes. The text on the image reads Choose a new path for London. Laila Cunningham for Mayor. Reform UK
    AI from the hard of thinking. Since when have there mountains on the banks of the Thames? And why are the two figures shown leaving no tracks in the snow?

    Whatever the direction Farage’s Reform is planning on taking the country, those mythical sunlit uplands of politics (© Winston Churchill, July 1940) do not seem to be involved.

  • Security and wearable animals

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Security, Social Media

    A number of years ago, wearable technology looked set to become all the rage.

    Mention of it has declined noticeably in recent years. When, for instance, was the last time you heard of or encountered, say, Google Glass?

    On the other hand, wearable animals – or parts of animals – have a history that extends back into prehistory, in particular that epoch known as the Palaeolithic, the longest period in human history.

    Nevertheless, the manners in which animals or their parts have been used have adapted over the millennia in response to technological changes and development.

    A recent example of such an adaptation is shown below. It cropped up in your correspondent’s social media timeline today, although a reverse image search indicates it might have originated a couple of years ago.

    Social media post reads Please ensure you have your identity badger at all times. Below is a photo of a notice worded Security notice - All Employees Must Wear ID Badgers When Entering
    Why Is The First Letter of Each Word Capitalised?

    Are other identity animals available? Comment below.

  • A few corrections from Merriam Webster

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Social Media

    Shamelessly lifted from social media, Merriam-Webster is making an effort to remedy the modern vicious circle (not cycle. Ed.) of misquoted adages.

    Post reads This is coming from a place of love andnsupport, but... It’s ‘shoo-in, not ‘shoe-in? It’s ‘case in point; not ‘case and point’ It’s ‘moot point, not ‘mute point’ It’s ‘hunger pangs, not ‘hunger pains’ It’s ‘jibe with, not ‘jive with.
    One stands corrected

    Merriam-Webster describes itself as “America’s most trusted dictionary“. It’s also the USA’s oldest dictionary publisher, whose presses first started producing reference books in 1843, according to Wikipedia.

    Your ‘umble scribe hopes the company’s efforts are not in vain, as language skills generally seem to be declining. 🙁

  • Illiteracy or obstinacy?

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Politics

    The Tenovus charity shop on St Mark’s Road is currently closed for refurbishment.

    However, this does not seem to have been noticed by the local members of the Hard of Thinking Club, who are continuing to dump their donations outside the shop’s door.

    The operators/owners of the shop have recently decided to post a notice on the shop’s door shutter informing those generous but misguided patrons of the error of their ways.

    Notice reads: If you dump stuff here you are fly-tipping. Please stop. Asked with love and season's greetings from the residents of St Marks.
    Let’s ignore the writing on the wall.

    Just like other notices in Bristol, e.g. the ones that say no parking, Tenovus’ sign has been ignored.

    Is ignoring the notice due to illiteracy or plain, simple bloody-mindedness? Have your say in the comments.

    Meanwhile, if you see fly-tipping, any other environmental crime or something that needs fixing, you can report it to Bristol City Council here, otherwise central government’s GOV.UK site has a handy page to find your local authority in England, Scotland and Wales and notify it of such problems.

  • A message to Donald

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Social Media

    Your ‘umble scribe is unaware how many times a week – if any – the disgraced former 45th president and current disgraceful 47th president of the United States of America, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat commonly known as Donald John Trump (who is on a mission to Make America Grate Again or something similar. Ed.) catches either a number 77, 87, 196, 452 or N87 from the bus stop at London’s Nine Elms Underground station, but it will do his narcissistic personality disorder no good at all.

    The poster below has this week appeared at the bus stop in response to the USA’s attack on Venezuela and kidnapping of its president, Nicolás Maduro, earlier this week.

    Of course, having the US military at one’s control does mean that The Donald, as commander-in-chief of the US armed forces, is able to call on their members to indulge in the ultimate ‘look over there‘ tactics when required to distract from his embarrassing local difficulties caused by his long-term friendship with the late American financier, human trafficker, child sex offender and serial rapist Jeffrey Epstein, as the thousands of documents known as the Epstein files slowly make their redacted way into the public domain and which he and his sycophantic subordinates seem very reluctant to release, despite the existence and imperative of the Epstein Files Transparency Act, not to mention the Tango Terrorists campaign trail promise to release the files.

    Poster reads No matter how many countries you invade, you'll still be a nonce
    There’s an old adage that says you can tell a man by the company he keeps.

    Before we end, a quick translation from EN-GB for any American readers. You will not find the definition of nonce as used above in a standard American dictionary; you’ll need a British one. It’s British prison slang to denote a person who commits a crime involving sex, especially sex with a child. This definition is taken from the Cambridge online English Dictionary.

    Which country will tRump invade next as a distraction from his next scandal? Have your say in the comments.

  • The seven deadly sins in the tech age

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Social Media, Tech

    According to the Catholic version of Christianity, there are seven deadly sins, i.e. pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony, and sloth. Although they are not explicitly listed in the Bible, they developed within early Christian theological tradition. Furthermore, Psychology Today speculates that their origins ‘are nebulous and likely trace back to before Hellenistic Greece‘, even though if offers no source for such an assertion. All evidence of their orin tends to point to the early Christian era and more specifically Evagrius Ponticus, a monk in fourth century Egypt.

    These seven transgressions are also known as cardinal sins, although whether this alternative naming is derived from the sinning scarlet-garbed clergy committing them is not well documented. This naming is likely derived from the other definition of cardinal, i.e. fundamental, of the greatest importance (think the cardinal points of the compass. Ed.).

    Anyway, a new revision of the seven deadly sins has been posted on social media updated for the early 21st century and it bears a distinctly technological character.

    Graphic showing modern tech expressions of the seven deadly sins - Lust by Only Fans, gluttony by Uber Eats, greed by Bitcoin, sloth by Netflix wrath by x/Twitter and envy by Instagram.

    Is this an accurate rendition? Have your say below in the comments.

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