English usage | Steve Woods

Illiteracy or obstinacy?

12/01/2026 Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Politics

The Tenovus charity shop on St Mark’s Road is currently closed for refurbishment.

However, this does not seem to have been noticed by the local members of the Hard of Thinking Club, who are continuing to dump their donations outside the shop’s door.

The operators/owners of the shop have recently decided to post a notice on the shop’s door shutter informing those generous but misguided patrons of the error of their ways.

Let’s ignore the writing on the wall.

Just like other notices in Bristol, e.g. the ones that say no parking, Tenovus’ sign has been ignored.

Is ignoring the notice due to illiteracy or plain, simple bloody-mindedness? Have your say in the comments.

Meanwhile, if you see fly-tipping, any other environmental crime or something that needs fixing, you can report it to Bristol City Council here, otherwise central government’s GOV.UK site has a handy page to find your local authority in England, Scotland and Wales and notify it of such problems.
A message to Donald

09/01/2026 Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Social Media

Your ‘umble scribe is unaware how many times a week – if any – the disgraced former 45th president and current disgraceful 47th president of the United States of America, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat commonly known as Donald John Trump (who is on a mission to Make America Grate Again or something similar. Ed.) catches either a number 77, 87, 196, 452 or N87 from the bus stop at London’s Nine Elms Underground station, but it will do his narcissistic personality disorder no good at all.

The poster below has this week appeared at the bus stop in response to the USA’s attack on Venezuela and kidnapping of its president, Nicolás Maduro, earlier this week.

Of course, having the US military at one’s control does mean that The Donald, as commander-in-chief of the US armed forces, is able to call on their members to indulge in the ultimate ‘look over there‘ tactics when required to distract from his embarrassing local difficulties caused by his long-term friendship with the late American financier, human trafficker, child sex offender and serial rapist Jeffrey Epstein, as the thousands of documents known as the Epstein files slowly make their redacted way into the public domain and which he and his sycophantic subordinates seem very reluctant to release, despite the existence and imperative of the Epstein Files Transparency Act, not to mention the Tango Terrorists campaign trail promise to release the files.

There’s an old adage that says you can tell a man by the company he keeps.

Before we end, a quick translation from EN-GB for any American readers. You will not find the definition of nonce as used above in a standard American dictionary; you’ll need a British one. It’s British prison slang to denote a person who commits a crime involving sex, especially sex with a child. This definition is taken from the Cambridge online English Dictionary.

Which country will tRump invade next as a distraction from his next scandal? Have your say in the comments.
The seven deadly sins in the tech age

02/01/2026 Steve WoodsLanguage, Social Media, Tech

According to the Catholic version of Christianity, there are seven deadly sins, i.e. pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony, and sloth. Although they are not explicitly listed in the Bible, they developed within early Christian theological tradition. Furthermore, Psychology Today speculates that their origins ‘are nebulous and likely trace back to before Hellenistic Greece‘, even though if offers no source for such an assertion. All evidence of their orin tends to point to the early Christian era and more specifically Evagrius Ponticus, a monk in fourth century Egypt.

These seven transgressions are also known as cardinal sins, although whether this alternative naming is derived from the sinning scarlet-garbed clergy committing them is not well documented. This naming is likely derived from the other definition of cardinal, i.e. fundamental, of the greatest importance (think the cardinal points of the compass. Ed.).

Anyway, a new revision of the seven deadly sins has been posted on social media updated for the early 21st century and it bears a distinctly technological character.

Is this an accurate rendition? Have your say below in the comments.
Bristol annexes seaside town in Cymru

27/12/2025 Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media

Bristol ‘Live’, the city’s newspaper of (warped) record, has an unenviable reputation for finding a local Bristolian angle to news stories, whether that be by finding some vaguely connected person who just happens to have a BS postcode or by expanding the city’s boundaries into nearby or more distant local authorities or countries, whether there is any such angle or not.

A prime example of the latter came to light today concerning the sudden appearance of lots of Victorian footwear on the beach at Aberogwr (otherwise known as Ogmore-by-Sea. Ed.) in Morannwg / Glamorgan.

How the story was announced and tagged on the paper’s main page is shown below.

Depending on one’s mode of travel, Bristol is over 100 km from Aberogwr and takes over an hour or even two. There is no way the latter falls within the civic boundaries of the City and County of Bristol, whose closest municipal boundary to Aberogwr extends as far as the low water mark on Ynys Echni / Flat Holm in the middle of the Severn Sea.

Looking at the facts of the story itself, the founder of the beach clean-up group that removed the shoes said the following:

“The strongest theory is that the shoes come from a shipwreck called the Frolic, that hit Tusker Rock about 150 years ago. It was carrying shoes and cargo from Italy. They were washed up the Ogmore River and every now and then they appear, especially when there has been erosion of the riverbank.”

It’s only when one gets to the mention of Tusker Rock (Cymraeg: Ynys Tysgr. Ed.) that the slightness of the connection becomes apparent: it’s a rock in the Bristol Channel 3.2km west of Aberogwr that’s only visible at low tide, but one that has been the end of many vessels over the centuries.
Hell redefined

21/12/2025 Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Social Media
Does hell exist?

Most dictionaries – including Merriam-Webster – provide several definitions, including the following two which describe places that can be either real or imaginary:
1. a nether world in which the dead continue to exist;
2. a place or state of misery, torment, or wickedness.
The second definition may or may not be connected with the first.

These to have now been joined by a third – the current United States of America – courtesy of social media. Someone known as Vee posted the following on the federated Mastodon network yesterday.

The burning coals background is a neat touch.

Yes, you read that correctly, Vee believes hell on earth has been created by the second term regime (not administration. Ed.) of the disgraceful 47th and disgraced 45th president of the United States, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat commonly known as Donald John Trump.

That is an exhaustive list of calamities that have occurred in the world in the life of your average seventy-something. However, is the perceptive Vee being too hard on disco? Have your say in the comments below.
‘Tis the season to be triggered

12/12/2025 Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Social Media

For some reason beyond the wit of any rational person, a religious festival celebrating the birth two millennia ago of a man who advocated peace and love seems to call forth a wave of hate and bile from those on the right of the political spectrum, who become more than usually scathing, either bleating that the traditional festival has been cancelled or railing against alleged political correctness.

One of those who has taken to social media to vent her anger is one Susan Mary Hall, leader of the Conservative group in the Greater London Authority‘s London Assembly.

Note in particular the use of not one, but three exclamation marks. As for the biscuits being of a male persuasion, I see no evidence of genitalia in their depiction on the packet, Ms Hall!

Neverthless, have a happy Christmas, if you dare allow yourself such a luxury. 😀
Dumb Britain surfaces in Easton

02/12/2025 Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media, Oddities

For many years – longer than your ‘umble scribe chooses to remember – satirical magazine Private Eye has featured a column entitled Dumb Britain, which documents the hilariously wrong and ingorant answers given by contestants on television quiz shows.

However, dumbness in the form of lack of knowledge, intelligence or common-sense is not confined to the small screen; myriad examples may be found in real life, as evidenced by the photograph below taken in St Mark’s Road (note the apostrophe, Bristol City Council! Ed.) in Easton last week when the street was undergoing road works.

Maybe Private Eye should expand the criteria for Dumb Britain.
Advice to an elderly aunt in legal difficulties

11/11/2025 Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics

Panorama is a current affairs documentary news programme broadcast by the BBC. First aired in 1953, it is the world’s longest-running television news magazine programme.

However, Panorama’s longevity has not shielded it from controversy, especially when it has committed a foolish act, as has come to light in the past few days.

A Panorama programme broadcast in Novermber 2024 about one of the runners’ suitability as a candidate for the presidency of the United States touched on the storming of the US Capitol on 6th January 2021 following an inciteful speech given to rioters by the disgraced former 45th president and current disgraceful 47th president of the United States of America, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat commonly known as Donald John Trump, who is on a personal mission to Make America Grate Again (or something similar. Ed.).

Panorama’s great sin was to edit Trump’s speech (a necessity for the sake of coherence in most instances whenever President Felon opens his north and south for more than 10 seconds. Ed.) so it appeared even more inciteful than it already was, even though the hardcore MAGA louts had no intention of peacefully protesting. The editing was criticised in an internal BBC report, which somehow found its way into the hands of the Telegraph. Often regarded as the in-house journal of the Conservative Party, the Telegraph is no great fan of Auntie.

Once the leaked memo’s contents became known the media, media spokespeople and politicians all reacted. In particular, Karoline Leavitt (President Rapist’s Mouth of Sauron. Ed.) characterised the BBC as “100% fake news”.

Heads rolled as a consequence of the subsequent furore, namely those of the Director General Tim Davie and the broadcaster’s head of news, Deborah Turness.

However, that was not the end of the fallout. tRump, a man with a very thin skin and a vindictive lust for vengeance against every perceived slight, has threatened the BBC with a lawsuit for $1 bn. if there is no retraction of the “false, defamatory, disparaging, misleading, and inflammatory statements” allegedly made by Panorama.

The letter from President Golf Cheat’s lawyers state that the demand is being made under Florida Statute § 770.011, which as far as your ‘umble scribe’s limited legal knowledge stretches, is not applicable under the law of England and Wales. If defamation litigation is planned in Florida, it would not stand a chance if the Panorama programme in question – Trump: A Second Chance? – has not been broadcast in Florida itself.

Furthermore, if the case were held in England and Wales under the applicable law, there’s a further snag: a term limiting litigation for libel cases. The Independent notes that when interviewed by the BBC, British media lawyer Mark Stephens explained as follows:

The UK defamation claim is now out of time. He had one year from Monday October 28, 2024, when Panorama aired so he is 14 days out of time or so in the UK.

President Business Fraud’s lawyers’ letter to the BBC merits a reply, of course. Your correspondent’s opinion is that Auntie’s legal advisers should reply along the lines of the 1971 Arkell vs. Pressdram case. Pressdram is the proprietor of the satirical magazine Private Eye and its reply in this matter was as follows.

We acknowledge your letter of 29th April referring to Mr J. Arkell. We note that Mr Arkell’s attitude to damages will be governed by the nature of our reply and would therefore be grateful if you would inform us what his attitude to damages would be, were he to learn that the nature of our reply is as follows: fuck off.

The case was subsequently dropped.
Australia initiates consumer protection proceedings against Microsoft

02/11/2025 Steve WoodsLanguage, Tech
The Australian Competition & Consumer Commission, which is responsible for ensuring individuals and businesses comply with Australian competition and consumer protection laws has announced that it has initiated proceedings in the Federal Court against Microsoft Australia and its parent company Microsoft Corporation for allegedly misleading approximately 2.7 million Australian customers when giving notice of subscription options and price increases after it integrated its Copilot AI assistant into Microsoft 365 subscription plans.

The ACCC alleges that since 31st October 2024, Microsoft has told Microsoft 365 Personal and Family plan subscribers with auto-renewal enabled that to maintain their subscription, they must accept the integration of Copilot and pay higher prices for their plan, or else cancel their subscriptions.

Following the integration of Copilot, the annual subscription price of the Microsoft 365 Personal plan increased by an eye-watering 45% from $109 to $159. In contrast, the annual subscription price for the Microsoft 365 Family plan increased by a mere 29% from $139 to $179.

Microsoft’s communications with subscribers did not refer to the existence of the “Classic” plans without Copilot integration and the only way subscribers could access them was to begin the process of cancelling their subscriptions. This involved accessing the subscriptions section of their Microsoft account and selecting “Cancel subscription”. It was only on the following page that subscribers were given the option to move to the Classic plan instead.

Click on the image for the full-sized version

Maximum penalties

Should Microsoft lose the case, the maximum penalty for each breach of the Australian Consumer Law is the greater of the following three options:
- $50 million;
- three times the total benefits that have been obtained and are reasonably attributable; or
- if the total value of the benefits cannot be determined, 30 per cent of the corporation’s adjusted turnover during the breach turnover period.
For Microsoft Australia, not to mention its parent company, the emphasis in the word consumer is firmly on its first three-letter syllable.
High gains grifter

29/10/2025 Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics, Social Media

In the May 2024 general election, the constituency of Clacton returned a member of parliament to the House of Commons, not just an ordinary MP, but a party leader, in this instance one Nigel Paul Farage, head honcho of Reform UK, the latest incarnation of the Farage Fascist Fan Club (see also UKIP and the Brexit Party. Ed.).

During his days as a member of the European Parliament, Farage was not the most regular attendee in the debating chamber, although he was more than prepared to take the parliament’s generous salary and allowances, even misusing the latter for his own ends rather than those for which they were intended.

Anyway, enough of past history, let’s come up to the present. Since being elected to the green leather benches, Farage has had difficulty finding the Palace of Westminster to do the job he’s supposed to do for the good burghers of Clacton. Furthermore, he’s also had problems finding Clacton, although his partner has bought a house in the constituency, although the source of the funds for the deal is unsure.

However, just because he’s happy to take his MP’s salary of nearly £94,000 per year for the work he is expected to do for his electorate and mostly manages to avoid, this does not mean Farage is workshy. Indeed, one glance at his Register of Financial Interests (which runs to two pages. Ed.) reveals the Reform leader is earning over £1m from sources other than the largesse he receives courtesy of the taxpayer.

This has prompted the Led By Donkeys collective (posts passim) to film a video of his extra-parliamentary earnings and trundle it around the streets of Clacton, as well as its being circulated on social media.

This latest activity has not escaped the attention of the local media, including the Clacton Gazette, which prefers to refer to Farage’s income declared in the parliamentary register as a claim from Led By Donkeys. This places the Clacton Gazette in clear breach of article 1 – accuracy – of the IPSO guidelines. The Gazette claims (their word. Ed.) to be regulated by IPSO, another of the UK’s regulators, all of whom seem to come with rubber teeth as standard equipment.

Furthermore, in the comments below the piece most of the constituents of Nigle, as some call their dishonourable member, seem to believe he can do no wrong.

Maximum penalties

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