food | Steve Woods

Pizza places to close in two non-existent counties

21/10/2025 Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media, Oddities
According to Wikipedia, “A county is a type of officially recognized geographical division within a modern country, federal state, or province.”

Within England shires were established in the Anglo-Saxon period, shires were established as areas used for the raising of taxes and usually had a fortified town at their centre. This became known as the shire town or later the county town. In many cases, the shires were named after their shire town (for example Bedfordshire).

Middlesex is one of the thirty-nine historic counties of England. Its name is derived from its origin as a homeland for the Middle Saxons in the early Middle Ages, with the county subsequently part of that territory in the ninth or tenth century. As a county it managed to survive for the best part of a millennium, finally being abolished by the London Government Act 1963, which came into force on 1 April 1965.

The cardboard county of Avon has a rather different history to the former shire named after the home of the Middle Saxons. It was a non-metropolitan and ceremonial county in the west of England which existed between 1974 and 1996. Named after the Bristol Avon, it comprised the cities of Bath and Bristol plus parts of south Gloucestershire and Somerset, which formed the other two local authorities – Northavon and Woodspring – within the county. Avon proved to be deeply unpopular, with locals bemoaning in some instances Bristol’s loss of county status in its own right, as well as traditional affiliations to both Gloucestershire and Somerset respectively. In 1996, the county was abolished and its administrative area split between four new unitary authorities: Bath and North East Somerset, Bristol, North Somerset and South Gloucestershire.

Although both Middlesex and Avon have officially been abolished that does not mean their use has been discontinued, usually by the uninformed. There are still organisations out there which believe Bristol is part of Avon and that the county named after the Middle Saxons still exist. One of these is currently in the news.

One of those organisations is Pizza Hut, which has announced a number of closures of its outlets in the Untied Kingdom, as reported by the Bristol Post/Live.

All told, 68 Pizza Hut restaurants will close after the company behind its the US brand’s UK venues entered administration. These include the following five outlets in the aforementioned non-existent counties, as listed by Bristol’s paper of (warped) record:
- Bristol, Avon;
- Cribbs Causeway, Avon;
- Enfield, Middlesex;
- Feltham, Middlesex; and
- Hayes, Middlesex.
A few news outlets, such as the BBC, actually took the trouble to remove the erroneous county labels instead of blindly copying and pasting the list verbatim from the original press release.

For those still in need of a junk food fix, plenty of other pizza outlets are still open to the public in both real and non-existent counties. 😀
Gourmet baked goods

01/09/2025 Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Social Media

The story of baked pastry dough wrapped around is tasty filling is a long one. Sometime before 2000 BCE, a recipe for chicken pie was written on a tablet in Sumer – the earliest known civilisation – in southern Mesopotamia (now south-central Iraq. Ed.), according to Wikipedia.

Moving forward a couple of millennia, the 1st century Roman cookbook Apicius includes several recipes involving a pie case.

It would therefore seem evident humans have been munching pastry baked around a filling for at least two millennia.

Coming right up to date, one of today’s largest producers of baked goods in the Untied Kingdom is Greggs, founded in the Gosforth area of Newcastle upon Tyne in 1939. From the 1970s onwards, Greggs embarked on a string of acquisitions and mergers. In June 2025 the chain had 2,649 outlets and also employs over 33,000 staff. Some items are only sold in particular regions, whilst the company also sells some of its products (e.g. bakes, melts and pasties) through the Iceland supermarket chain.

As a mass market supplier, Greggs is frequently mocked for being down-market and this brings us neatly to humour and punning, a social media staple.

Greggs Benedict?

Sounds delicious!

However, there was once – but no longer – an actual Greggs Benedict available under a fine dining ‘experience’:

For breakfast and brunch, don’t miss out on the “Greggs Benedict” – the Greggs Sausage, Bean and Cheese Melt reimagined with smoked ham, poached Cacklebean eggs and a velvety Hollandaise sauce. Our ‘Full English’ celebrates the icon that is the Greggs Sausage Roll alongside bacon, mushroom, tomato, baked beans and a choice of eggs – scrambled, poached or fried. The dish also comes as a vegetarian and vegan option.

Bon appétit !
Golden Arches anthropophagism?

04/06/2025 Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Social Media

The photograph below popped up in your ‘umble scribe’s social media feed this morning.

Judging by the use of the term restroom, the sign was apparently affixed to the door to the toilets of a fast food outlet somewhere in the USA, allegedly in a branch of junk food giant McDonalds, according to the original social media post.

Note the three exclamation marks at the end of the phrase. One is usually sufficient.

It is not known how long the chain itself – or indeed the United States as a nation – has permitted cannibalism either within or outwith toilet facilities, let alone endorsed the practice.

One pertinent question springs to mind: “Do you want fries with that?

Bon appétit !

Just ignore the smell and the sound of running water…
All day?

06/03/2025 Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Social Media

A crime against the English language appeared in my social media feed today. It loomed out of a photograph of part of the menu from an unidentified McDonald’s drive through somewhere in the United States.

Dies irae* if you roll up at 1.01 pm?

It centres on the use of the word day whose meaning for this context is provided by Merriam-Webster:

“the time of light between one night and the next”.

When combined with the words all and breakfast one would expect the fare proffered to be provided throughout the hours of daylight between sunrise and sunset; or at the very least to be available between the business’ opening and closing times.
Not “ONLY UNTIL 1PM” as the menu shouts loudly.

The picture seems to have been taken some while ago, as the price of eggs in the USA has rocketed due to avian influenza and Walmart is rationing egg purchases. The egg shortage has not gone unnoticed under the golden arches either: Newsweek reports a customer of a McDonald’s in Fairfield, Connecticut was charged $7.29 per Egg McMuffin and complained about it on social media.

* = Day of wrath (usually divine. Ed.).
Two cities, two cuisines, one politics

14/09/2024 Steve WoodsBristol, Oddities, Politics, Social Media

All cultures, countries and regions around the world have their own local cuisines, some indigenous, some introduced by incomers and yet others a mixture of the two.

Also termed food cultures, your correspondent notes that food is often inextricably linked to politics as well as identity, as has been apparent in two separate examples from the cities of Bristol and Chicago.

In your ‘umble scribe’s sixty-something years of existence, food in the Untied Kingdom (mis-spelling deliberate. Ed.) has changed beyond all recognition with dishes and tastes from right around the world become increasingly available. I well remember the curiosity and excitement when the first Chinese takeaway opened in my home town of Market Drayton in North Shropshire all those decades ago.

Since those long gone days, takeaway food has become a staple in the British diet; and with the advent of delivery services such as JustEat and Deliveroo, customers can now order takeaways without having to rise from their sofas.

In this post, your correspondent notes that in two separate cites – Bristol and Chicago.

Bristol

First Bristol and a comment on the ephemeral nature of catering establishments despite everyone’s need for food and delivery services. The subvertising in the following photograph was spotted on the city’s Fishponds Road yesterday afternoon.

Note how the subvertising has got the background colour of the original JustEat sign almost right, as well as matching the original font faithfully.

As regards the phrase ‘Eat The Rich, your ‘umble scribe thought it was a modern phrase arising out of anarchist political thought in response to ever-increasing increasing wealth inequality and food insecurity. However, it actually goes back rather further.

That rather further back takes us to the days of the Terror which followed the French revolution. On 17th October 1793, Pierre Gaspard Chaumette, President of the Paris Commune, gave a speech to the city in which he apocryphally remarked that the philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau said the following:

Quand le peuple n’aura plus rien à manger, il mangera le riche.

In English this translates to the following:

When the people shall have nothing more to eat, they will eat the rich.

Chicago

Next to Chicago and more specifically The Wieners Circle, which describes itself as an ‘iconic hotdog stand on the north side of Chicago serving up high quality street food with a side of insults‘ [sic].

The Chicago eatery has responded in feisty fashion to the unfounded assertion made by the disgraced former president, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat, one Donald John Trump, that immigrants in Springfield, Ohio were eating residents’ pets during his recent televised debate with the Democrats presidential election candidate, Kamala Harris, as shown below.

Politics and food also have a long relationship. Back in 1798, Cartoonist James Gillray published ‘John Bull taking a Luncheon: – or – British Cooks, cramming Old Grumble-Gizzard, with Bonne-Chere‘ shortly after Nelson’s victory over the French at the Battle of the Nile. The strong link continues today as shown not only by these examples from Bristol and Chicago, but also by American Republicans renaming French fries ‘freedom fries‘ after French opposition to the 2003 Iraq war (cheese-eating surrender monkeys anyone? Ed.).

Update 15/09/24: Trump has continued to make unsubstantiated claims about immigrants in Springfield to such an extent that his cult-like followers have targeted the Springfield’s city Hall and other buildings with bomb threats and a side serving of racial hatred.
Food and language

15/03/2024 Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Social Media

Along with water, food is one of the essentials of life.

Another of life’s essentials is language; it’s vital for communication and communal living in a social species such as ourselves.

One of the elements of language is the adage, generally defined as something which people often say and which expresses a general truth about some aspect of life.

In English one well-known adage is there’s many a true word spoken in jest, a propos of which the screenshot below turned up today in my social media feed.
Happy retirement, Lesley!

04/10/2023 Steve WoodsBristol

Regular readers will recall that the lovely community café at St Mark’s Baptist Church in Easton closed at the end of August (posts passim).

Saturday last, 30th September, saw a retirement party for Lesley at the church. This was well attended by a broad range of people from Easton and beyond, all gathered to wish Lesley a happy retirement and partake of Lesley’s excellent cakes over which she’d laboured. These included not just church members, local traders, café users, foodbank volunteers and Abdul Malik from Easton Jamia Masjid, the mosque that faces the church across the street.

Lesley with Abdul Malik the church’s close neighbour, Easton Jamia Masjid.
After a question and answer session with Lesley that covered the whole history of the café from its inception up to its closure in August, various people were invited out to the front, given a microphone and said a few words about the café, Lesley and so on. Abdul paid a great tribute (from what I could see wholly unscripted. Ed.) to Lesley and the collaboration between the chapel and mosque, particularly on large community events such as the Grand Iftar at the end of Ramadan.
One of those invited to address the assembled throng was your ‘umble scribe, who was asked to read out his above-mentioned blog post, which was composed on the café’s final day and was received with general approbation.

Lesley did drop some very serious hints that even though the café had now closed, that did not mean the end of catering activities for the community. Your correspondent will keep his ear to the ground and relay any information that comes to light.

In the meantime, have a happy retirement, Lesley; and don’t be afraid to use your bus pass! 😉
A sad day in BS5

25/08/2023 Steve WoodsBristol, Media, Politics

Friday 25th August 2023 marked the end of an era and a sad day for Easton in Bristol. After 14 years of serving the public St Mark’s Community Café based at St Mark’s Baptist Church opened for the very last time after 14 years.

Of the local media outlets, only the BBC appears to have covered this event, but gave it a very sympathetic write-up.

Your ‘umble scribe has been going there 2 or 3 times a week for the past few years to enjoy baked potatoes, good cooking and the undisputed best cakes in all BS5, the latter baked by the remarkable Lesley, whose baking skills put my own late mother’s to shame (and that’s saying a lot, coming from a loyal eldest son!). My own particular favourites amongst her regular baked wares were farmhouse fruit, barra brith and anything with gooseberries or ginger. Furthermore, all the food served and the ingredients used to prepare it were ethically and locally sourced wherever possible.

However, this was a café with a difference: paying customers like your correspondent meant that the homeless could eat there for free. Below is a short video with interviews of both customers and café staff/volunteers to give an idea of what has now entered the annals of local history.

Although I’ll miss you all terribly, here’s wishing Lesley a happy retirement and I’d like to express my thanks to you, Nettie and all the café volunteers for keeping me fed over the years and being such wonderful people.
Qu’ils mangent des navets

24/02/2023 Steve WoodsMedia, Politics

Thérèse Coffey, the alleged Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, has advised consumers to opt for turnips as tomato and cucumber supplies dwindle, owing to shortages.

This instantly reminds your correspondent of that phrase attributed to Marie Antoinette, supposedly uttered by her during the French Revolution: “Qu’ils mangent de la brioche“, usually translated into English as “Let them eat cake“.

However, there is no there is absolutely no historical evidence that Marie-Antoinette ever said “Qu’ils mangent de la brioche” or anything like it, although folklore scholars have found similar tales in other parts of the world.

Anyway, back to Coffey, a minister devoid of humanity and compassion, but richly endowed with incompetence, callousness and that all-important can’t-do attitude.

Coffey has stated that shortages of salad and other vegetables in UK supermarkets could last up to a month. However, critics have accused the government of bringing the problem on itself by failing to support local growers and through Brexit policies.

Speaking in the House of Commons, Coffey told MPs British consumers should “cherish” home-grown produce, whilst castigating the latter for wanting “a year-round choice“.

In her own words:

“It’s important to make sure that we cherish the specialisms that we have in this country. A lot of people would be eating turnips right now rather than thinking necessarily about aspects of lettuce and tomatoes and similar.”

Finally, so that Coffey can indulge in ‘cherished‘ home-grown produce, your ‘umble scribe will perform a public duty by providing a link – should the alleged Secretary of State happen to be reading this post, to a recipe for cream of potato and turnip soup.

Enjoy! 😉

Update 25/02/23. One consequence of Ms Coffey’s advocacy of “cherishing” this humble root vegetable is that supermarkets are reported as running of turnips. Your correspondent could find none at his local Lidl yesterday, although swedes (the Swedish turnip) are plentiful.

As a final postscript, your ‘umble scribe notes from The Guardian today that its political sketch writer John Crace has written:

Four years ago I tweeted, “Let them eat turnips”. It was meant to be a joke about Brexit. Now it’s government policy. Satire comes at you fast these days.
Campbells responds to bigot

23/02/2023 Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Social Media

One disadvantage of social media is it allows hard-of-thinking bigots a platform to express their prejudices.

However, this might not always work to the advantage of the prejudiced, as the exchange below between a Tennessee redneck and Customer Service for the Campbell Soup Company re homophobia illustrates.

According to Wikipedia, chicken soup – with or without noodles – ‘has long been touted as a form of folk medicine to treat symptoms of the common cold and related conditions. In 2000, scientists at the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha studied the effect of chicken soup on the inflammatory response in vitro. They found that some components of the chicken soup inhibit neutrophil migration, which may have an anti-inflammatory effect that could hypothetically lead to temporary ease from symptoms of illness’.

No research has yet been conducted into the curative properties of chicken soup on prejudice and homophobia.

However, Campbells could be onto something. In the words of the French chef and culinary writer Auguste Escoffier:

Soup puts the heart at ease, calms down the violence of hunger, eliminates the tension of the day, and awakens and refines the appetite.

Bon appétit, bigot! 😀

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