Oddities

  • For British read English?

    Yesterday’s Guardian carried a piece entitled Most of Great Britain’s major rail operators are back in public hands – is it working?.

    At this point it would be easy – and flippant – to refer to Betteridge’s Law of Headlines, but your ‘umble scribe wishes to delve further into the substance of the article without invoking said law and saying no.

    Given that the map handily provided to illustrate the article manages to miss the line to Oban, one might question the accuracy and utility of the entire piece.

    Rail privatisation was a project undertaken with subsequent disastrous results by the Conservative government of John Major. It separated management of the track from the running of rail services of said track. It has resulted in services that no longer serve the travelling public (e.g. no holding a local service if the train from London is running late, especially if they services involved are provided by different operating companies. Ed.).

    Ever since the end of the Covid pandemic some renationalisation has been undertaken. As train operating company franchises have expired, the services themselves have been taken back into public ownership, mainly due to concerns over financial woes and poor performance. This process started under the last Conservative government. In Cymru and Scotland, where transport is a devolved matter, Trafnidiaeth Cymru/Transport for Wales and ScotRail were both nationalised by the Welsh and Scottish devolved governments in 2021 and 2022 respectively, since when the latter abolished peak fares on its services in September 2025.

    Withing England the pace of renationalisation has accelerated under the present Labour government, with three operators appearing in the public books since May: South Western Railway, C2C and Greater Anglia.

    The next stage, according to the Guardian article, is the establishment of a new state-controlled company called Great British Railways, expected next year, which will manage rail infrastructure and services.

    The logo for Great British Railways is a real dog’s dinner, consisting principally of the old British Railawy InterCity logo from 1966, combined with that Bloody Butcher’s Apron that some call the Union Jack.

    The Great British Railways logo

    Given that services are already nationalised in Cymru and Scotland, your ‘umble scribe wonders if what is being proposed is actually applicable to those devolved administrations. Although the information the government has released to date states it is applicable to England, Cymru and Scotland, all the announcements made to date all relate to train services provided solely in England.

    Your correspondent believes this indicative of the centuries-old English colonial attitude to the island of Great Britain and perhaps a more apposite name for the government’s intentions would be English Railways minus the Great (which frequently happens to be grate. Ed.) with the corresponding logo in the colours of the flag of St George.

    Suggested logo for (Grate/Great) English Railways

    If any passing readers can supply more details about the ownership of infrastructure and provision of services in either Scotland or Cymru or how Great British Railways is likely to develop, kindly comment below.

  • Slow news day in Shropshire

    Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines a slow news day as ‘a day with little news to report‘.

    Slow news days are typically when a lot of ‘filler‘ material (like food hygiene ratings if your name is the Bristol Post/Live. Ed.) is published to fill the otherwise empty space in a traditional dead tree publication.

    However, this tendency and the phrase itself seem to have adapted without any trouble to the digital age and online publishing.

    A fine example of this was apparent when your ‘umble scribe visited the Shropshire Star website earlier today and scrolled down the news page as far as the Motors news section.

    Screenshot of Motors  news section of Shropshire Star
    Click on the image for the full size version.

    The observant visitor will notice there is not a tinned, motorised three piece suite in sight in any of today’s stories for petrolheads!

    A return visit at 14.00h revealed the pace of news had picked up: one of the pieces shown above was finally replaced by a motoring article.

  • Hotels and roundabouts

    Commenting on the present intimidatory actions of the far right out in the streets, this still from a well-known scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail currently doing the rounds on social media has been given the meme treatment.

    John Cleese on the battlements in the centre of two block of text. 1) Your mother paints roundabouts. 2) And your father shouts at hotels.

    No further comment is required apart from saying that in the film, Clees and his companions within the castle were all playing forrins, insulting and humiliating Arthur and his knights of the round table.

  • Gourmet baked goods

    The story of baked pastry dough wrapped around is tasty filling is a long one. Sometime before 2000 BCE, a recipe for chicken pie was written on a tablet in Sumer – the earliest known civilisation – in southern Mesopotamia (now south-central Iraq. Ed.), according to Wikipedia.

    Moving forward a couple of millennia, the 1st century Roman cookbook Apicius includes several recipes involving a pie case.

    It would therefore seem evident humans have been munching pastry baked around a filling for at least two millennia.

    Coming right up to date, one of today’s largest producers of baked goods in the Untied Kingdom is Greggs, founded in the Gosforth area of Newcastle upon Tyne in 1939. From the 1970s onwards, Greggs embarked on a string of acquisitions and mergers. In June 2025 the chain had 2,649 outlets and also employs over 33,000 staff. Some items are only sold in particular regions, whilst the company also sells some of its products (e.g. bakes, melts and pasties) through the Iceland supermarket chain.

    As a mass market supplier, Greggs is frequently mocked for being down-market and this brings us neatly to humour and punning, a social media staple.

    Post reads 'What’s the matter babe? You've not even touched
your Gregg’s Benedict.'

    Greggs Benedict?

    Sounds delicious!

    However, there was once – but no longer – an actual Greggs Benedict available under a fine dining ‘experience’:

    For breakfast and brunch, don’t miss out on the “Greggs Benedict” – the Greggs Sausage, Bean and Cheese Melt reimagined with smoked ham, poached Cacklebean eggs and a velvety Hollandaise sauce. Our ‘Full English’ celebrates the icon that is the Greggs Sausage Roll alongside bacon, mushroom, tomato, baked beans and a choice of eggs – scrambled, poached or fried. The dish also comes as a vegetarian and vegan option.

    Bon appétit !

  • Auntie’s hardware malfunction

    Back on 2nd February 2004 singers Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson issued a statement attempting to explain the 38th Super Bowl half-time show controversy, during which Jackson’s right breast was exposed. In that statement the phrase wardrobe malfunction was coined.

    Fast forward to August 2025 and it would appear that the nation’s quasi-state broadcaster has had what can only be described as a hardware malfunction in which the wrong sort of device was exposed.

    Earlier today BBC Breakfast had a long segment about the 30th anniversary of the release of Microsoft’s Windows 95 operating system.

    As this is TV there were some visual props on hand, as shown in the screenshot below.

    Screenshot showing Windows 95 upgrade pack, a pile of floppy disks, MS-DOS 6 installation pack and a Macintosh SE

    Observant readers will have noted that the hardware used is in fact a Macintosh SE, a machine manufactured and sold by Apple between March 1987 and October 1990.

    That’s right! It was discontinued five years before Windows 95 was introduced.

    Furthermore, the Macintosh SE also ran on Apple’s Classic Mac OS, not MS-DOS and Windows.

    In bygone times, the BBC used to brag about the accuracy and trustworthiness of its broadcasting. It still does, but that boasting appears to be on very shaky foundations indeed.

    Who else likes the smell of facepalm in the morning? 😉

  • Public health information

    From your ‘umble scribe’s social media timeline this morning.

    Outside St Thomas’ Hospital in central London at the other end of Westminster Bridge from Halitosis Hall.

    Spoof NHS poster at bus stop entitled know your parasites featuring ticks, worms and billionaires and their treatment.

    One wonders why governments around the world are not at all keen in eradicating the scourge of the ultra-rich, whom the planet can ill afford to accommodate. Just look at the emissions from their private jets, let alone the dubious company they keep (e.g. the inauguration of the disgraced former 45th president and current disgraceful 47th president of the United States of America, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat commonly known as Donald John Trump) and their attempts to buy elections.

    One can only hope that any passing politicians will absorb and act on this valuable health advice.

  • Spot the difference

    From my social media timeline.

    Two road signs both dealing with ice. The Canadian sign warns of frozen water, the US one of the actions of a racist federal government agency

    For those unaware of the actions of the racist US Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency under the less than benign presidency of the disgraced former 45th president and current disgraceful 47th president of the United States of America, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat commonly known as Donald John Trump, the mock-up US road sign is on the right (naturally. Ed.).

    The cruel actions of ICE are all part of The Felon’s chief mission to Make America Grate Again (or something like that. Ed.).

  • BBC exclusive – bronze rusts!

    The BBC loves to boast about the quality of its journalism.

    However, every now and again, it manages to publish an untruth so egregious and also stupid that one wonders how it gained a reputation for high class output in the first place.

    To continue our story, we must travel to Nottinghamshire and the banks of the River Trent.

    In April members of the police Underwater Search Team found a corroded ship’s bell during a routine training exercise and brought it ashore for a closer look, where the name Humber Prince emerged after the item was cleaned.

    The bell was formerly attached to a vessel originally known as the Esso Nottingham, which was built in 1956 and subsequently re-registered as the Humber Prince in 1964 by Hull-based company by John H Whitaker Tankers, which used to ferry hydrocarbons on the river.

    The ship's bell - before and after cleaning
    Photo courtesy of Nottinghamshire Police

    When the BBC published its version of the story, a remarkable thing happened; the bell had turned rusty.

    However, there is no mention of rust or any other metallic corrosion in Nottinghamshire Police’s original press release.

    From the photos on the police press release, it is obvious that the bell is made of brass or bronze, not a ferrous metal such as iron or steel, which typically rusts as it corrodes.

    Wikipedia’s page on the ship’s bell gives full details of the typical materials used.

    The bell itself is usually made of brass or bronze, and normally has the ship’s name engraved or cast on it.

    May I suggest that the BBC’s author writes out 100 times “Iron and steel rust. Other metals corrode!

  • Grammer, AI style

    From your ‘umble scribe’s social media timeline.

    Social media post by @prettybbuckley reading well no over an image featuring the text but truly wasn’t sure how., which Grammarly AI has suggested should be corrected to was trulyn't [sic]

    We all occasionally need help with English grammar, even we pensioners who have spent decades working at linguists, but the above ‘suggestion‘ from Grammarly could be diplomatically described as unhelpful.

    According to Wikipedia, “Grammarly is an American English language writing assistant software tool. It reviews the spelling, grammar, and tone of a piece of writing“, as well as being a tool for detecting plagiarism.

    On its own website, Grammarly is described as ‘Grammarly, the trusted AI assistant for everyday communication‘.

    On the basis of the above howler, your correspondent would not trust it to write out the alphabet in the correct sequence.

  • The Felon’s body double visits France

    From my social media timeline today.

    While the disgraced former 45th president and current disgraceful 47th president of the United States of America, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat commonly known as Donald John Trump has been busy getting the United States military to invade Los Angeles, California, as part of his mission to “Make America Grate Again” (or something like that. Ed.), his body double has been spotted paying a visit to the French capital, Paris.

    Parisian dustbin topped with a cardboard box sporting the distinctive Trump haircut
    Quel horreur !

    It is not known whether the French state has had any official contact with the Dustbin Donny/Président Poubelle or if this visit is a purely private affair.

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