English usage

  • Spending other people’s money

    One Mary Elizabeth Truss has the distinction of being the prime minister of the English Empire (which some still call the United Kingdom. Ed.) with the shortest term of office, staying in post a mere 49 days.

    However, that did not stop her crashing the economy with the budget cooked up by her and her Chancer of the Exchequer Kamikwasi Kwarteng‘s disastrous 2022 mini-budget, as well as being profligate with other people’s – i.e. taxpayers’ – money.

    The Mirror reveals that Truss’ so-called ‘Jenga‘ lectern specially made for her cost the public purse £4,175. That equate to an ependiture of £85 for each of the forty-nine days she served. The Mirror piece reveals that Truss also had a second similar lectern made, but that was paid for by those gullible people who pay membership subscriptions and donate to the Tory Party.

    Truss and the Jenga lectern
    Mary Elizabeth Truss and that lectern. Photo credit: gov.uk

    It wasn’t as if Downing Street had a dearth of lecterns at the time; current alleged prime minister Rishi Sunak never bothered to have a bespoke lectern made and is using a predecessor’s cast-off that “was purchased under a previous administration” at a cost of £3,050. What an absolute bargain the former Goldman Sachs asset is.

    When she was pretending to be the Secretary of State for Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Affairs (FCD), Truss gained quite a reputation for her spendthrift ways. These included using half a million pounds of public funds to hire a private jet for a visit to Australia. At the time Truss was roundly criticised for her reluctance to use a regular, cheaper and faster scheduled service. The most expensive business-class ticket for the former foreign secretary’s entire itinerary on Qantas would have come at a cost of £7,712 to the public purse.

    Mary Elizabeth’s final months as Foreign Secretary were likewise characterised by a similar propensity for spending others’ money, racking up £2m worth of air miles in six months on 20 overseas trips..

    However, it was not just Truss’ love of air travel that drew the media’s attention. Back in September 2022, Sky News reported that Foreign Office expenditure during Truss’ tenure included 2 trips to the hairdresser for her at a cost to the taxpayer of nearly £3,400. Then there was nearly £2,900 spent by her department at the Norwich City online store – £1,318 on 21 October last year and £523.50 on 21 March 2022 by an unknown purchaser for unknown goods. Truss is allegedly the Member of Parliament for South West Norfolk, so that might explain this anomalous FCD expenditure.

  • Headline written by a ten year-old (again!)

    <In his 1946 essay Politics and the English Language, one of George Orwell‘s rules for the judicious use of language includes the following in his five tenets:
    If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
    Even though he was speaking specifically about the language of politics, Orwell’s words are also pertinent to other fields.

    Although his works have been out of copyright for over two years, Orwell does not seem to be very popular reading amongst the hacks kludging together the Bristol (Evening) Post/Bristol Live, if one takes a look at the headline to this article which runs counter to the late great journalist’s advice. Headline reads Every word said during Prince Harry's ITV interview

    Instead of adhering to Orwell’s advice and using the word transcript, the Temple Way Ministry of Truth headline writer has used four separate words and we’re back into the “What I did in my holidays” school of writing that should have been eliminated in primary school, not rewarded with public visibility and a decent salary. 🙁

  • An insult to Welsh history

    In March 1931 Conservative Party leader Stanley Baldwin laid into the press, whose proprietors wanted him ousted as party leader, accusing them of power without responsibility – the prerogative of the harlot throughout the ages.

    Today’s fourth estate is densely populated with irresponsible harlots whether one peruses the national or local press.

    At this point your ‘umble scribe, would refer readers to a piece in today’s Daily Post/North Wales Live, which reviews an Indian restaurant in Corwen and whose headline is shown in the following screenshot. Headline reads The award-winning North Wales curry house which is almost as legendary as Owain Glyndwr

    The first comment below the piece at the time of drafting also uses the insult to describe the flippant use of comparison and hyperbole in it, whilst the other 2 reader comments were similarly dismissive.

    A restaurant winning an award for its food is hardly a match for the feats of Owain Glyndŵr, the last Welsh of Wales proclaimed by popular support, who lead an armed rebellion and 15 years long war of independence against the English colonisers during the late Middle Ages. Amongst his other achievements, he was He also an educated lawyer and formed the first Welsh Parliament (Senedd Cymru), which sat in Machynlleth.

    Owain’s body was famously never found, so his date of death is unknown; he just vanished into the hills, although it is not known whether Welsh curry houses retreat into the uplands when their time is up.

    Anyway, in case any passing restaurant reviewers working for Reach plc’s Welsh titles happen to be reading this, please find below a handy reference guide showing the difference between Welsh heroes and restaurants to avoid further confusion. 😉

    Private Eye style lookalike graphic
  • Festive digital dyslexia from Reach

    It might be the festive season, but the mission of Reach plc titles all over the country to murder the English language and sow confusion instead of enlightenment continues unabated.

    Christmas Eve saw the publication of the piece shown in the screenshot below where the person responsible for the headline seems oblivious to the fact that there are differences in meaning between chances and changes and doesn’t have the nous to check their copy after drafting

    . Headline reads Rise in fly-tipping in Carmarthenshire feared when recycling chances come in

    I wonder if the ‘journalist‘ responsible will be tucking into roast turnkey this Christmas Day lunchtime. 😀

  • Digital soup

    On a trip to town in recent days, your ‘umble scribe was intrigued by the digital soup spotted in a shop display window,

    Digital soup maker on display in shop window

    My initial thought was “What is digital soup?

    Is it made of fingers? Or are ones and zeroes involved? Is the digital a defiant gesture to all soup makers marketed before?

    As it turns out, ones and zeroes are indeed involved and the digital part of the apparatus refers to the device’s digital control panel, as depicted below.

    Soup maker digital control panel
  • Ball games signage ‘band’

    Today’s South Wales Argus reports that Caerphilly County Borough Council in South Wales has been grappling with the matter of ballgames[sic], leading to them being “band

    Headline reads Caerphilly council band 'no ballgames here' signs

    After her compulsory period of exile in Homophone Corner, Local Democracy Reporter Rhiannon James (or the Argus’ headline writer, if different. Ed.) also ought to ask bosses for a keyboard with a working space bar and/or a functioning spellchecker. 😀

  • Brides to stay

    Judging by the home page of today’s Reach plc Daily Post/North Wales Live title, one could be led to believe that human trafficking and forced marriage are alive and well in Talybont north of Abermaw/Barmouth in Gwynedd.

    Headline reads Holiday park so popular people have offered brides to stay is named the best in Wales

    However, it is only when one reads the article that it is revealed that brown envelopes of cash have been proffered, not marriageable women.

    The front page has since been amended.

  • COP27 – a laugh from the past

    The world’s top greenwashing event COP27 is currently taking place in Sharm El-Sheikh in Egypt.

    To give an idea of the under-achievement of previous UN conferences on climate change, it’s worth pointing out that activist Greta Thunberg is boycotting the event, stating that it will be an opportunity for “greenwashing, lying and cheating“. Greta is famously critical of politicians as her “blah, blah, blah” speech showed.

    Anyway, in anticipation of a lack of any serious commitments and outcomes from the world’s political elite allegedly having a conferenceshores of the Red Sea, here’s a reminder from the past, in the shape of Ronnie Barker’s Ministry of Pollution sketch from the second season of The Two Ronnies, first aired in 1972.

  • Badly raised boys

    Official portrait of over-promoted fireplace salesman Gavin WilliamsonYour ‘umble scribe likes to think he was properly brought up: polite, courteous, not swearing people, particularly women, and such like. As regards swearing, his sister has more than once revealed that when she and my late father were on a bus once, he admonished fellow passengers for swearing because women were present.

    As regards swearing, step forward over-promoted former fireplace salesman “Sir” Gavin Alexander Williamson CBE MP, the dishonourable member for South Staffordshire who has been inexplicably elevated to cabinet rank (again!) as Minister of State without Portfolio, who appears to have been taught and abide by completely different standards of social conduct to those of your correspondent.

    News has emerged over the weekend that Williamson sent ‘expletive-laden’ text messages to the then Conservative chief whip Wendy Morton all moaning about not being invited to attend the late queen’s funeral.

    The right dishonourable Oliver DowdenAccording to the messages published by today’s Sunday Times, Williamson accused Morton of exploiting the Queen’s death for political purposes, particularly as he was out of favour at the time with the English Empire’s shortest serving ever prime minister, one Elizabeth Mary Truss, now safely removed from high office and returned to the back benches.

    The actual words quoted by the press reveal that Williamson has a fine command of monosyllabic swear words having their roots in Old English (which some still call Anglo-Saxon. Ed.), particularly ones beginning with f and s.

    Not only did Williamson use foul language towards a woman, but this morning his cabinet colleague Oliver Dowden (also inexplicably honoured with a CBE like Williamson. Ed.)defended Williamson on Sky News’s Sophy Ridge on Sunday programme, claiming Williamson’s offensive text messages were sent ‘in the heat of the moment‘.

    I blame both of their sets of parents.

  • Heron on the Danny

    On a walk into town on Sunday in bright sunshine, you ‘umble scribe encountered a visitor to the River Frome in the inner city (where it’s also known at the Danny. Ed.) near the Peel Street bridge – a juvenile grey heron.

    Heron in the Frome, BS5

    According to the RSPB, grey herons can be seen around any kind of water – garden ponds, lakes, rivers and even on estuaries.

    The one pictured above was seen in close proximity to a stretch of the Danny frequented by a small shoal of roach, so perhaps it was after one (or more) of them.

    In addition to fish, grey herons will also consume small birds such as ducklings, small mammals like voles and amphibians.

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