Bristol

  • For UK, see England

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media, Oddities

    Ever since Æthelstan became King of the English in 927 CE, some in England – starting with Æthelstan himself – have had difficulty recognising where England ended and the rest of the world began. Indeed Æthelstan meddled so much in the land of the Scots that they allegedly nicknamed him “The Bastard“.

    Given the dominance of England within the Untied Kingdom, this has persisted down through the centuries that separate the present from the days of Ælfred of Wessex‘s grandson.

    The latest manifestation of this Englandshire = the entire UK occurs in yesterday’s online edition of Bristol ‘Live’, the city’s unfortunate newspaper of warped record, which managed to defy both demographics and geography in one awful little puff piece masquerading as “news“.

    A screenshot of the headline of the offending article is offered below.

    Headline - UK's smallest city an hour from Bristol is as charming as York and Canterbury - but has far fewer tourists. Byline - The smallest city in England has plenty to offer visitors and yet it remains off the beaten track.

    Although Wells is described in the piece as “England’s smallest city“, there is no empirical evidence provided of its lack of size. Your ‘umble scribe used a little-known research technique called using a search engine to provide an answer; in this case 5 seconds’ work gave a census population figure of 12,000 for Wells.

    However, Wells is not the Untied Kingdom’s smallest cathedral city. Cymru has two cathedral cities that together have a combined population of well under Wells’ 12,000 souls. First of all there’s Llanelwy/St Asaph (pop. 3,485) and Tyddewi/St Davids (pop. 1,751), which is actually the UK’s smallest cathedral city in terms of number of residents.

    Your correspondent is surprised that today’s ‘journalists’ are not familiar with this research technique he often uses, which is recommended they use as a matter of course. 😀

  • A tidier Barton Hill

    Steve WoodsBristol, Politics, Social Media

    The monthly Barton Hill community litter pick took place yesterday. Eric, Alex and your ‘umble scribe spent just over an hour methodically removing litter from around Ducie, Strawbridge and Avonvale Roads, along with sections of the Urban Park.

    Eric and Alex with the results of the monthly litter pick.

    After picking we all retired to the Wellspring Settlement for a brew and biscuits, as well as to discuss what we were going to do about the group’s award of the Lord Mayor’s Medal. According to the council, the medal “recognises outstanding and innovative unpaid service and support provided to others, especially selfless service to a voluntary body or to our community, or which brings distinction and quality to Bristol life.”

    We were nominated for the award by local ward councillor Yassin Mohamud (we’ll see you at the Mansion House, Yassin!) and are deeply honoured, but at the same time vaguely ambivalent about it as an hour or so a month* is not a great deal of time to give up for our fellow citizens, although we have been turning out to tidy the area every month for either 7 or 8 years.

    * = As organisers, Eric and myself have a bit more work to do, but it’s not really onerous to send out monthly reminders and then contact Bristol Waste’s community engagement team to arrange collection of our full bags, order fresh supplies of rubbish sacks and the like.

    Advance notice: May’s pick will take place on Saturday 3rd May.

  • Bart Nil gets a gong

    Steve WoodsBristol, Politics

    According to the city council’s website: “The Lord Mayor’s Medals are awarded to highlight the local, unpaid community work and achievement that’s helped to improve the lives of Bristol’s citizens.”

    Good news was received this morning that the Barton Hill Litter Group I help organise has been awarded a Lord Mayor’s Medal after being nominated by Lawrence Hill ward councillor Yassin Mohamud. Thanks, Yassin! 😀

    Alex, Steve and Ronit with the fruits of our litter pick
    Alex, Steve and Ronit with the fruits of the March 2025 litter pick. Image courtesy of Eric Green

    We’ve been sent a letter to confirm the award and attend the award ceremony next month at the Lord Mayor’s official residence, the Mansion House.

    The letter from the Lord Mayor’s office is quoted in full below.

    Dear Barton Hill Litter Group,

    Re: The Lord Mayor of Bristol’s Medal
    As you may be aware, the Lord Mayor of Bristol’s medal is awarded to Bristol’s unsung heroes who serve the people of Bristol through voluntary and community work or charitable acts of work.

    I am writing to inform you that Barton Hill Litter Group have been selected as a recipient.

    The medal will be presented in a very special ceremony on:

    Tuesday 15 April at 3.00pm and will be held at
    The Mansion House, Clifton Down.

    The Lord Mayor would be delighted if you and a guest could join him and other recipients. I will also be writing to the person who nominated you to attend the ceremony.

    I would be grateful if you could confirm your attendance via lordmayor [at] bristol.gov.uk by Wednesday 9 April. If you are unable to attend, please let me know if there is anyone who can represent you on the day?

    Bristol City Council will issue a press release and the press may wish to contact you in advance of the ceremony. Please can you confirm if you are happy to be contacted by the press and for information on your nomination to be released publicly (including social media).

    Yours, etc.

    Congratulations to all our regular and occasional pickers. You’ve done yourselves, us and the district proud. Give yourselves a hearty pat on the back!

  • In your own time, Bristol City Council!

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Media, Politics

    Pedestrian crossing controls
    Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
    The best part of 30 years ago,the late cycle campaigner Chris Hutt of Bristol’s Cyclebag remarked that perhaps the simplest way in which mobility within the city could be improved would be to tweak the timings of pedestrian crossings so that they switched over to the pedestrian green phase within seconds of the button being pushed.

    Fifteen years after Chris’ death it looks like something similar to what he suggested is finally being implemented – albeit half-heartedly – by Bristol City Council.

    Today’s Bristol Post reports that around 100 crossings – i.e. a fraction of those in the city – will be changed as suggested by Chris all that time ago.The change has been described by councillors as a “cost-effective way to get traffic-calming measures” that have already proved popular on some busy roads. The setting, known as “pre-timed max”, will also be installed on new crossings as they are provided.

    In addition, the tweak will only be made to stand-alone pedestrian crossings, not those associated with junctions where they are just as badly needed and could be equally as beneficial.

    Commenting on the scheme, Green Councillor Emma Edwards said: “When people realised what had happened, I got phone calls saying ‘can we have one down here and there, and it would be useful here’. Residents really love them and it’s such a cost-effective way to get traffic calming measures in and to help with things like school routes.”

    What has taken you so long, Bristol City Council?

    Your ‘umble scribe’s best guess is that the idea was filed away in the “not invented here” cabinet combined with the propensity of highways department staff not being able to see beyond the bonnet of their respective motorised tinned three-piece suites.

    Given these shortcomings, your correspondent is only prepared to give the council one extremely grudging cheer.

  • A tidier BS5

    Steve WoodsBristol, Politics

    It’s been a good day for a tidier and hopefully more pleasant and liveable BS5.

    For the second week in a row, Bristol City Council had arranged for skips to be dropped at four sites in Lawrence Hill ward for residents to fill with the rubbish that couldn’t be collected by normal waste rounds. The sites are shown on the following map.

    Location map for skips

    Before providing the skips in Easton last week and this week, St Paul’s residents had previously benefited from their presence on the streets.

    Yesterday morning your ‘umble scribe received an email from a council contact: could I possibly help out at one of the sites?

    I duly did, turning out at 9.00 am for skip delivery. It didn’t actually turn up until nearly 10 am. By 10.45 it was full and your correspondent regretfully had to turn people away or direct them to the other skip sites.

    Man and skip full of rubbish
    The full skip minus ugly old man

    I was very pleased to be relieved by a proper council officer at 11 am.

    While babysitting the skip, I also had one Bristol Waste‘s community engagement officers stop for a chat. She had organised a community litter pick on Stapleton Road for later that morning. I saw them on my way for a late breakfast; they were hard at work and doing a good job near the junction with Easton Way.

    Anyway, well done to Bristol City Council and Bristol Waste for arranging some extra resources for tidying BS5 and the community litter picking team. Your efforts are appreciated. One repeated remark which was made about the skips was can we please have them again, possibly regularly?

  • Mermaids, volcanism and… Google Translate!

    Steve WoodsBristol, Language, Oddities, Social Media, Tech

    Google Translate, the Mountain View behemoth’s translation service is noted for not being very good on technical terminology, even of the most basic kind. Furthermore, it also struggles with a little thin called context, i.e. the circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea and in terms of which it can be fully understood.

    When Google Translate gets the context wrong and confuses protecting the public with ancient Greek mythological figures, the result is at the very least amusing and at must alarming and downright dangerous, as revealed by the following social media post by Prof. Jenni Barclay of the University of Bristol.

    Post reads In this case of volcanic eruption, you will hear mermaids. Do not ignore the mermaids; they are there for your safety. Perils of Google Translate No. 44a. People seeking greater warning of volcanic eruption want sirens _not_ mermaids. (Spanish: Sirenas).

    Prof. Barclay’s research is the reduction of risk and prevention of disaster in volcanic settings, with a particular focus both on volcanic processes and the social processes that amplify volcanic risk.

    My question for Prof. Barclay is are mermaids a social process? 😉

    Mis-translations definitely are!

  • March litter pick

    Steve WoodsBristol, Politics

    Yesterday saw the regular monthly community litter pick in Bristol’s Barton Hill, which takes place on the first Saturday of each month.

    Alex gets stuck in. Image courtesy of Eric GreenOn a sunny but initially cool morning four of us turned up and spent an hour and a quarter clearing up Ducie Road and its council-owned car park, a regular dumping ground for fly-tippers, as well as a convenient repository for spent catering size nitrous oxide canisters.

    The team dismantled one fly tip and bagged it up for collection by Bristol Waste along with our ‘swag‘, which will be collected – hopefully speedily – by Bristol Waste.

    Steve, Alex and Ronit with the fruits of our litter pick
    Alex, Steve and Ronit with the fruits of our litter pick.
    Image courtesy of Eric Green

    Afterwards we retired to the Wellspring Settlement for light refreshments.

    Thanks to my fellow pickers for tidying BS5.

    See you next month on the 5th!

  • Farewell, Onj (1958-2025)

    Steve WoodsBristol

    Earlier this week, you ‘umble scribe received a text message after 10pm in the evening – never a good sign.

    And so it proved: my old friend André Sparkfield, affectionately known as Onj, had passed away on Monday.

    I first met Onj at a mutual friend’s house party some 30 years ago and was instantly attracted by his generosity and warmth.

    That was before I really knew of his artistic and creative side, which was truly impressive.

    Onj was a stalwart of the party and festivals scenes in the south west, providing decor for the likes of Bearded Fiend, Marcel Mouton, Mutant Dance and Tribe of Frog.

    Onj and myself worked together every year for 15 years on Trinity‘s free annual fireworks party. I lit the bonfire, Onj lit the fireworks, usually by hand (a spectacularly dangerous looking activity, says someone standing next to and tending several cubic metres of flaming wood. Ed.) until he got sophisticated in the latter years and used electronic firing so he could appreciate his handiwork. 😀

    Label on firework reads Fork Handles
    Onj with a humorously-named display firework

    Of those times, Emma has written as follows:

    Onj lit up the night sky at countless gatherings and events; not least through his many incredible free fireworks displays over the years at Trinity. These spectacular shows captured the spirit of creativity, joy and community. Displays that stopped traffic, attracted thousands and served as a cornerstone of what makes a city like Bristol sparkle.

    I can’t better Emma’s words.

    Thank you for being my friend, Onj

    Rest in peace, dear.

    Update 13/03/2025: the celebration of Onj’s life was attended by over 300 people despite the coldness of the day. A great send-off for a great man.

  • Councillor-sized bins in BS5

    Steve WoodsBristol, Politics

    Yesterday your ‘umble scribe was invited to take part in a site visit to Stapleton Road for councillors on the city council’s Environment & Sustainability Committee. Also in attendance were senior council officers, including the head of the Neighbourhood Enforcement Team, representatives of Bristol Waste Company (BWC) and Easton ward councillor Jenny Bartle. Unfortunately, only two of the members of the committee showed up, although one of those was its chair. 🙁

    House clearance fly-tip outside former Concorde Cinema on Stapleton RoadWe took the best part of an hour to wander up and down a half kilometre section of Stapleton Road, during which some all-too familiar and depressing sights were seen, such as house clearances (right) and piles of trade waste outside closed down shops.

    Both your ‘umble scribe and officers present pointed out that the area was afflicted by many interrelated problems, e.g. pavement parking by selfish motorists combined with fly-tipping makes using the footways impossible in places, particularly for those such as parent with prams and buggies, or the disabled.

    However, BWC’s community engagement team used the opportunity to plan future visits and actions to help residents present their waste and recycling properly. We were also informed how fly-tips were ranked by priority for removal, as well as the special bag collection arrangements along Stapleton Road.

    We also noted changes to the local street furniture, including the installation of councillor-sized bins to cope with the litter!

    Cllr. Jenny Bartle and a litter bin at the junction of Stapleton Road and Oxford Place, Bristol.

    The new bins have appeared at junctions close to where takeaway food shops are concentrated on this section of Stapleton Road and it appears to be part of wider efforts to replace/upgrade litter bin provision across Bristol’s Easton and Lawrence Hill wards.

  • When saying sorry is too hard

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Social Media

    The last week has seen the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting (Chogm) held in Apia in Samoa. However, the meeting did not necessarily turn out in favour of the British state and its representatives, one Charles Philip Arthur George Mountbatten-Windsor, who some believe is its legitimate head of state, and ‘Sir’ Keir Rodney Starmer, head of government and leader of an allegedly Labour administration.

    The main point of contention was one of the many crimes against humanity committed by the English/British during their centuries-long invasion, colonisation and exploitation of vast areas of the world’s land surface – chattel slavery.

    The Caribbean members of the Commonwealth, under the umbrella of Caricom, have been demanding reparations for slavery for some time. Their reasoning is based on the fact that when slavery was abolished within the British Empire in 1833 (the slave trade as abolished in 1807. Ed.), the owners were compensated for their loss of ‘property‘ in the form of 700,000 enslaved persons This amounted to £20m and accounted for nearly one-quarter of the government’s budget in the year that it was paid. The emancipated slaves and their descendants were never compensated. Indeed to add further a insult to their suffering, the freed slaves were expected to work for free for the people who had already exploited them and were being handsomely rewarded for their inhumanity.

    Mr Windsor, whose ancestor Charles Stuart II granted the Royal African Company (RAC) a monopoly on all English trade with Africa, had particular difficulty in apologising for the harm his family and his state have done to Africa and the Caribbean. The RAC’s initial purpose was to trade in gold, but quickly moved on to trading in captured human beings, which became its main activity. The so-called royal family also invested in the slave trade: William of Orange (the King Billy so beloved of certain people in Ireland’s occupied six counties) bought shares in the RAC off one Edward Colston, whose statue in Bristol was toppled a few years ago and taken for a bath in the city docks. Despite his own family having blood on its hands from the slave trade, the best Charlie boy could manage was to call slavery the “most painful aspects of our past continue to resonate. according to the BBC.

    As for Starmer, he has ruled out any talk of reparation, but has indicated he is open to non-financial reparations, as The Guardian reports I don’t somehow think the Caribbean governments of Caricom will be persuaded by offers of mirrors, glass beads and other trinkets for supplying two centuries of free labour for Britain and its elite.

    Beside slavery being discussed slavery, the transatlantic slave trade and reparatory justice have all made their way into the meeting’s final communiqué (PDF) in its paragraphs 21 and 22.

    Finally, here’s a little song about saying sorry especially for Charles and Keir., which your ‘umble scribe hopes they will enjoy.

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