facepalm | Steve Woods

Standards?

06/10/2022 Steve WoodsBristol, Oddities
The government’s Driver and Vehicle Standards Agency (DVSA) is based in Croydon Street in the Easton area of Bristol. It is based in Berkeley House (not to be confused with its city centre namesake which houses students. Ed.), former headquarters of the Bristol Omnibus Company.

According to its Wikipedia page, the DVSA is responsible for:
- setting the standard for safe and responsible driving and riding;
- carrying out theory and practical driving tests for all types of motor vehicles;
- maintaining the register of approved driving instructors;
- approving training bodies and instructors to provide compulsory basic training and direct access scheme courses for motorcyclists;
- running the tests that allow people to join and stay on the voluntary register of driver trainers who train drivers of car and van fleets;
- setting the standards for the drink-drive rehabilitation scheme, running the scheme and approving the courses that offenders can take;
- conducting annual testing of lorries, buses and trailers through authorised testing facilities (ATFs) and goods vehicle testing stations (GVTS);
- conducting routine and targeted checks on vehicles, drivers and operators ensuring compliance with road safety legislation and environmental standards;
- supervising the MOT scheme so that over 20,000 authorised garages carry out MOT tests to the correct standards;
- providing administrative support to the regional Traffic commissioners in considering and processing applications for licences to operate lorries, buses, coaches and registered bus services;
- conducting post-collision investigations;
- monitoring products for manufacturing or design defects, highlighting safety concerns and monitoring safety recalls;
- providing a range of educational and advisory activities to promote road safety.
However, judging from the present environs of Berkeley House, your correspondent wonders how good a job the DVSA is actually doing.

Firstly, there’s a toppled 20 mph sign at the junction of Lawrence Hill and Croydon Street immediately opposite the DVSA’s premises. The agency’s logo is on the sign behind the pale blue fence in the background to the crash site.

Now let’s move a bit further west down Croydon Street following the site’s blue-painted steel railings…

No further comment is necessary from your ‘umble scribe, except maybe to paraphrase Oscar Wilde’s Lady Bracknell: ‘To crash once Mr Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to crash twice looks like carelessness.’. 😀
Reach Welsh titles’ exclusives: Hurricane Ian drops rain on Wales

30/09/2022 Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Oddities

At the time of writing, Hurricane Ian, the ninth named hurricane of this year’s Atlantic hurricane season, is off the coast of North and South Carolina on the eastern seaboard of the United States. Any remnant of said hurricane, downgraded to a tropical storm by the time it starts crossing the Atlantic, is not expected to dump any of its remaining rain on the shores of Great Britain for many days yet.

The exact location of Hurricane Ian comes courtesy of the USA’s National Hurricane Center, as shown below.

However, this has not stopped both Wales Online and the Daily Post (aka North Wales Live. Ed.), the 2 Reach plc regional news titles covering North and South Wales respectively, from coming up with similar misleading stories (fairy tales surely? Ed.) on today’s pages of their respective ‘news‘ websites. The Daily Post story can be seen here and the Wales Online story here. Note also the use of ‘amid‘ in the Wales Online headline (posts passim).

Which hurricane, Daily Post?

Same question to you, Wales Online.

If the fourth estate cannot even get the names and locations of extreme weather events correct, what else should they not be trusted about?
Shropshire Star journalist gives up after enigmatic byline

19/09/2022 Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Oddities

The screenshot below is the full extent of an article* which has appeared this morning on on the Shropshire Star website.

You’ve got the headline, what more do you want?

Given the modern journalistic tendency of trying squeeze the whole story into the headline, perhaps there was no need to write much more than a tokenistic byline, concerning which your ‘umble scribe would be most grateful if any readers knowing what the gfgfgfg byline signifies could offer their thoughts in the comments below. Thanks! 😀

* = The article has since been removed.
A holiday in Homophone Corner

13/09/2022 Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities

This holiday offer at Llantysilio near Llangollen is not recommended for women of child-bearing age, for obvious reasons.
More poor Reach plc quality control

31/08/2022 Steve WoodsLanguage, Media

Genius (or should that be genious? Ed.) headline writing from today’s Daily Post, alias North Wales Live.

Is the entire editorial team asleep at their desks?

Such a glaring spelling mistake and the obvious lack of quality control remind your ‘umble scribe of a Mark Twain quotation regarding a still extant US newspaper, i.e.

I think the Cincinnati Enquirer must be edited by children.
Counting to three

21/07/2022 Steve WoodsMedia, Politics, Social Media

According to Wikipedia, Tatler is a British magazine published by Condé Nast Publications which is targeted towards the British upper-middle class and upper class and those interested in society events. The topics it covers include fashion and lifestyle, plus high society and politics.

Its coverage of politics cannot be said to be well researched if the following from its Twitter account is to be taken at face value.

Second-ever female PM, Tatler?

Try counting again; and this time engage your brain!

If the Tatler’s staff can’t even count to three, it has to be wondered how accurate the rest its coverage of politics actually is.
The tweet has since been deleted.
Dorries goes to war – again and again and…

24/06/2022 Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Social Media, Tech

In the beginning was World War One (1914-18), then World War 2 (1939-45).

There have been various conflicts since 1945, but none has qualified being counted as a World War (note capitalisation) and their number has remained stuck firmly on two.

Until today.

Step forward one Nadine Vanessa Dorries, inexplicably elevated way beyond her subterranean ignorance threshold to serve as Secretary of State for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport, concerning whose appointment former Tory Party chairman Chris Patten is on record as saying: “And nobody should ever see the words ‘Nadine Dorries’ and ‘culture secretary’ in the same sentence”.

Following yesterday’s humiliating by-election defeats in Tiverton & Honiton and Wakefield, Nadine fearlessly took to social media as cheerleader in chief for the Cult of the Boris, tweeting the following.

World War 11?

That’s nine more than are acknowledged by the generally accepted historical record.

Whether Nadine was tweeting under the influence of digital dyslexia, innumeracy or something psychoactive has yet to come to light, but remember that part of Nadine’s brief is matters digital and the above tweet shows she cannot even use a mobile phone app – an iPhone Twitter client – competently, which bodes ill for this country.
The tea sock

14/06/2022 Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics

British politicians and their fellow travellers have over the decades had some difficulty with the Irish names for that country’s political offices.

Many years ago, Hansard, the official record of transcript of Parliamentary debates in Britain, once famously mis-recorded the office of Taoiseach or prime minister as the ‘tea shop‘.

However, the Irish prime minister’s association with hot infused beverage establishments is not confined to parliamentary scribes on this side of the Irish Sea, as this Irish Independent report shows.

Hansard has now been jointed by one Elizabeth Mary Truss, improbably promoted to Secretary of State for Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Affairs, with a new variant – the ‘tea sock in one the English Empire’s continuing efforts to break international law, as evidenced by this short video clip from Irish broadcaster RTE.

Just in case Ms Truss happens upon this post, for her benefit, here’s a brief video pronunciation lesson for the basics of Irish politics. 😀
Common touch? Out of touch

09/05/2022 Steve WoodsPolitics, Social Media

It has long been a source of amusement when high-ranking politicians try to show they have the common touch and end up making fools of themselves.

Such an instance happened yesterday when the death of actor Dennis Waterman was announced.

Step forward Nadhim ‘Stable Genius’ Zahawi, the Downright Dishonourable Member of Parliament for Stratford Upon Avon and current Secretary of State for Education, who clearly showed why education is not safe in his hands, taking to Twitter and expressing his condolences as follows with no style at all.

RIP Pete. A great actor, grew up watching minder.

Zahawi had clearly confused 2 Watermans in the public eye, namely Pete Waterman, purveyor of pop tunes for the likes of Kylie Minogue and the late Dennis.

Pete Waterman
Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Dennis Waterman
Image courtesy of Garry Knight

Zahawi’s foul-up did not go unnoticed and is being widely mocked on social media, of which the following is an example.

Pete Waterman and Harry Cole really made Minder the hit it was. Shame they’re both dead now.

Some while later Zahawi noticed his mistake and tweeted the following.

Made a mistake, RIP Denis Waterman
Note finally Zahawi did not have to the good grace to include an apology for his earlier error as any normal mortal would have done.
Christmas cancelled?

05/12/2021 Steve WoodsBristol, Oddities, Politics

It’s that time of year again, when the rumour circulates that Christmas has been cancelled to avoid upsetting members of other faiths.
This is of course pure nonsense whipped up by fearful and over-sensitive right-wing commentators in the media and has been debunked every time it’s been mentioned.
Who’s to say that adherents of other religions don’t enjoy the Christmas celebrations as much as followers of Christ? Jesus was after all born Jewish and under the name of Isa, is regarded as one of the twenty-five prophets of Islam

As proof that this year’s Christmas has not been cancelled by the anonymous PC Brigade, here’s a shot taken of the window of my nearest butcher in Roman Road, Easton. Please supply your own stuffing and cranberry sauce. 😀

Cancelling Christmas has a long history in this country, stretching back to the mid-17th century when, following the English Civil War, the the Commonwealth of England was governed by a parliament dominated by Puritans, who objected to certain practices they viewed as unbiblical, including the long-established feast of Christmas. In 1647, the English Parliament banned the celebration of Christmas, replacing it with a day of fasting and considering it “a popish festival with no biblical justification“, as well as a time of wasteful and immoral behaviour. Protests followed: pro-Christmas rioting broke out in several cities and for weeks Canterbury was controlled by rioters, who decorated doorways with holly and indulged in other practices bound to annoy the killjoys who have been with us ever since.

All of which brings us to the infamous Winterval. Frequently cited as the ultimate Cancel Christmas event, Winterval was nothing of the sort, but a mere two events held in successive winters in November and December 1997 and 1998 to encourage people to return to the newly rejuvenated city centre. These featured secular and religious events marking religious and other occasions, including Christmas, during those two months. Winterval has since become popular shorthand for misrepresented events to “rebrand” Christmas so as not to exclude non-Christians.

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