Steve Woods

Generic carbon-based humanoid life form.

  • Only in the USA?

    What is the hapless US customs officer featured below going to do when he finds out there’s a Paris in France as well as Texas, an Athens in Greece as well as Georgia and Boston is named after a market town in Lincolnshire in the UK?

    tweet detailing conversation with US customs officer who confuses Bayreuth Germany with Beirut Lebanon

    No further comment needed. 😀

  • A rare sight

    Works – the so-called “FourTracking – have been underway for some time on the railway line through east Bristol up Filton Bank between Bristol Temple Meads and Filton Abbey Wood stations.

    The “FourTracking” entails increasing the capacity up Filton Bank by replacing the two sets of tracks that were removed between some 35 and 40 years ago. The route up Filton Bank is used by mainline services to both South Wales and the Midlands, as well as by local rail services.

    On the section of Filton Bank between Dr Day’s Junction and Stapleton Road station, the majority of the current work entails clearing away 3 decades of detritus and refurbishing the infrastructure, including the original drains in the cutting. At Lawrence Hill station, this has included refurbishing a culvert, as I found out looking over the railway bridge the other day.

    culvert works at Lawrence Hill railway station
    A small culvert being refurbished right next to Lawrence Hill railway bridge. What hidden waters does it contain?

    I was intrigued by the slight curvature of the culvert as drains are normally straight. What could this be?

    To find the answer your ‘umble scribe had to search maps dating back to the late 19th century. These are available through Bristol City Council’s Know Your Place website.

    No clues were forthcoming from the 20th century maps and other resources available. However, the 1880 Ordnance Survey mapping for Lawrence Hill revealed what the culvert actually was. It carries the Wain Brook – one of Bristol’s hidden watercourses – under the railway.

    If you examine the image below, it will be noted that Lawrence Hill railway bridge lies between the two sections of the Wain Brook then running above ground – one to the right of the bridge past the “Wainbrook Works” and the other section to the left past open ground (now a park).

    1880 Ordnance Survey map of Lawrence Hill showing the Wain Brook

    Very little information is available online about the Wain Brook itself. Judging from the map evidence its source seems to be in the region of Plummers Hill in St George and in times gone by it flowed across the fields that were to become St George Park. After the park’s creation, the Wain Brook was used to feed its ornamental lake.

    From can be surmised from the sparse clues available, from Lawrence Hill the Wain Brook – still in culvert – flows down Lincoln Street (site of the Wain Brook Elderly Persons Home. Ed.), past Gaunt’s Ham Park and through St Philips and the Dings (where some 200 years ago it flowed through withy beds) to empty into the River Avon at a point near Bristol Temple Meads station.

    The Church Crawler web page for St Luke’s Church in Barton Hill contains the following reference to the Wain Brook.

    In the early 1800s Barton Hill was described as a small rural hamlet comprising mainly of wheat fields and orchards with a stream, The Wain Brook, running through and dominated by two large houses namely, Tilley’s Court and Royal Table House.

    The earliest historical reference to the Wain Brook that my research has turned up dates back to the 13th century, when in the manor of Barton Regis (present-day Barton Hill) there was a meadow belonging to St Mark’s Hospital called ‘Wainbroke’ (after the Wain Brook) that extended between the ‘meadow of the hospital of St Lawrence of Bristol and the meadow formerly of Richard de Pisa’.

    The hospital of St Lawrence of Bristol was Bristol’s medieval leper colony (St Lawrence was the patron saint of lepers and leper colonies were always established beyond the built-up areas of medieval towns and cities. Ed.), which was founded by King John in 1208 when he was Earl of Mortain. The hospital’s establishment gave its name to the whole area. Lawrence Hill roundabout now occupies the vicinity of the site where the hospital is thought to have stood.

    If readers have further information to add about the Wain Brook, please feel free to comment below.

  • Introducing the Stockholm

    In the world of metrology there are standardised and internationally-recognised units of measurement such as the metre for linear distance, gram for weight and litre for liquid measurement.

    In everyday life there are also informal units of measurement used by people to give or gain an idea of the magnitude of a particular phenomenon.

    In terms of surface area, for instance, there’s the football pitch. Imperial Tobacco, my employers many years ago, used to like to boast that the cigarette production hall at W.D. & H.O. Wills’ factory in Hartcliffe, Bristol, (once the largest cigarette factory in Europe. Ed.) had an unobstructed floor area, i.e. free of the pillars supporting the roof structure, equivalent to three football pitches. Another common measurement for surface area is the Wales, particularly for larger items than football pitches.

    Also in common use for informal metrics are the double-decker bus and cricket pitch, both for linear distance.

    This plethora of informal measurements has now been joined by a newcomer, the Stockholm, courtesy of the Bristol Post, the city’s newspaper of warped record.

    Stockholm city views
    Stockholm: once just the capital city of Sweden, now a unit of measurement. Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

    Reporting yesterday on the shameful fact that Bristol, in spite of its huge housing crisis, now has 5,785 empty homes in the city, the Post then goes on to introduce Sweden’s capital as a new unit of measurement specifically for vacant homes, stating:

    Nationally, there are now just short of a million (980,565) properties deemed uninhabited – about the same amount as the entire housing stock of Stockholm.

    There you have it.

    Finally, a word of caution, under no circumstances should the Stockholm as a measurement of empty homes ever be compared with so-called Stockholm syndrome, a psychological condition in which hostages develop a psychological alliance with their captors as a survival strategy during captivity.

    If readers do happen to come across any further undocumented units of measurement, please alert your ‘umble scribe via the comments below.

  • Littered with innuendo

    Yesterday’s Bristol Post reported on the first month of operation of what it’s dubbed the “litter police”, the private contractors brought in by Bristol City Council to take enforcement action on such environmental crimes as dropping cigarette ends, littering, failing to clear up the mess of one’s dog, tagging and spitting.

    They’ve had a busy first month, issuing 1,368 fixed penalty notices with a total value of nearly £70,000.

    Whilst this long overdue enhanced enforcement against the untidy is welcome (as a founder of Tidy BS5 I wholeheartedly support their engagement by BCC. Ed.), it’s not the numbers that interest me, but the Post’s choice of language, particularly at the top of the article, which is reproduced below.

    sub-heading under headline reads the civil enforcement officers had a busy first few weeks on the job

    Look between the headline and the byline and you’ll see the following sentence: “The civil enforcement officers had a busy first few weeks on the job“.

    All you Brits can stop sniggering.

    Now!

    On the job” in the sense of something related to work is, to the best of my knowledge, an import from American English that has in recent decades started appearing increasingly in British corporate jargon. During my youth over 4 decades ago, the phrase had only one meaning and that had salacious connotations.

    Collins Dictionary gives the following definitions for the phrase in British English:

    • actively engaged in one’s employment;
    • (taboo) engaged in sexual intercourse.

    As regards the first definition, this could cover tuition given during employment (e.g. on the job training): no further explanation is required for the second.

  • “Brexity”

    Today’s Times has discovered a new word being used by younger people in the UK, i.e. “Brexity“.

    It turns up in a comment piece by Janice Turner admonishing those outward-looking folk who voted to remain in the EU in that disastrous referendum for continuing to criticise the isolationist Little Englanders who voted to undo 4 decades of European integration and dragging a partly reluctant UK into a more modern era.

    Ms Turner’s piece gives a couple of examples of the usage of “Brexity“. For instance, concerning places: “It was this horrible Brexity little town“; and food: “He ate this disgusting Brexity pasty“.

    According to Ms Turner, it denotes something low-grade, provincial, unsophisticated; enjoyed or frequented by the old, the white working class.

    Brexit Monstrosity float in Manchester
    Brexit Monstrosity float in Manchester. Image by Robert Mandel courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

    Commenting on a reference to the Times comment piece, Twitter user Fish in a hat has pointed out the following:

    I understand it is now coined freely in youth slang to mean trashy & tawdry. The young have a good eye, but are cruel. OTOH it is their future that is being trashed & were denied a vote. They have the right to complain. I am sure they will rejoin as soon as they are old enough to.

    Quite. Those under 18 have even greater grounds for being upset as they were denied a vote in the referendum, unlike the 2014 Scottish independence referendum when all Scots over 16 years of age were given a say.

    Getting rather old and coming from white working class stock, your correspondent hopes his readers won’t find him and his attitudes too Brexity. 😀

  • Sexy shellfish?

    Many press organisations have sacked sub-editors and dispensed with proofreading in recent years as a means of saving money.

    Alabama’s Times Daily in the USA seems to have been part of this movement, as is apparent from the following photo of its front page today on the unfolding story of former Alabama state judge and Republican politician Roy Moore‘s past sexual indiscretions.

    Headline reads party divided over sex clams

    If one were dining out, what would be the right wine to accompany sex clams? 😉

    Hat tip: Dr Ray Schestowitz.

  • LibreOffice 5.4.3 released

    Yesterday The Document Foundation (TDF) announced the release of LibreOffice 5.4.3, the third minor release of LibreOffice 5.4 family, which includes some 50 bug and regression fixes.

    LibreOffice 5.4.3 represents this free and open source office suite’s very latest in terms of features and is therefore targeted at technology enthusiasts and early adopters.

    TDF recommends that more conservative users and companies deploy LibreOffice 5.3.7, as well as seeking support from certified professionals.

    LibreOffice 5.4.3.2 running on the author's laptop
    LibreOffice 5.4.3.2 running on the author’s laptop

    Download LibreOffice

    LibreOffice 5.4.3 is available for immediate download for all major operating systems – Linux, MacOS and Windows.

    Your ‘umble scribe has now downloaded and installed the latest release and it works beautifully.

    Donate to LibreOffice

    LibreOffice users, free software advocates and community members can support The Document Foundation with a donation. Donations help TDF to maintain its infrastructure, share knowledge and organise events such as the Month of LibreOffice, which has last week and will be active until the end of November (https://blog.documentfoundation.org/).

    Finally, several companies sitting in TDF’s Advisory Board provide either value-added long-term support (LTS) versions of LibreOffice or consultancy services for migrations and training.

  • Fork handles

    Last weekend once again saw your ‘umble scribe and his friend André helping out (posts passim) with the 2 major elements – bonfire and fireworks respectively – of the Trinity Centre‘s Bonfire Night event, which was recast this year as a “Festival of Light“.

    While setting up, André showed me one of the fireworks he would be setting off. It’s shown in the picture below.

    Label on firework reads Fork Handles

    As he remarked at the time, it’s good to know firework manufacturers have a sense of humour, let alone one that harks back to a classic of British TV comedy dating from 1976 originally written by one Gerald Wiley.

    Once again, my thanks to the good folks at Trinity for a great event.

  • Modern oxymoron in East Bristol

    Spotted on Devon House in Whitehall Road, Bristol, this morning.

    Sign in photo reads Supported Independence, Devon House

    This fine old building, which has a Georgian core, is currently being refurbished for some sort of supported or sheltered housing scheme.

    However, whoever thought up the “Supported Independence” text on the sign doesn’t really understand English and probably couldn’t even begin to say what constitutes an oxymoron, i.e. an epigrammatic effect, by which contradictory terms are used in conjunction. .

    Dictionary.com defines independence as follows (NB: emphasis added):

    1. Also, independency. the state or quality of being independent.

    2. freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.

    I rest my case.

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