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  • English imperialism alive and well in Australia

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics, Social Media

    I’m currently in Australia for my niece’s wedding (which was wonderful, by the way. Ed.).

    This is the first time your ‘umble scribe has been to abroad an Anglophone country. Australia has sensibly adopted the metric system of weights and measures, something the Untied Kingdom has yet to do. In the lengthy deliberations about metrication, it was mooted that conversion of the currency to a decimal system was an essential first step. The UK did adopt decimal currency in 1971, a long time after it had first been proposed in 1824 (separately from the introduction of metrication. Ed.).

    Australia shares an alleged head of state, an unelected monarch, with the UK and this is reflected in currency, with coins showing the head of the Mountbatten-Windsor family, as can be seen from an Australian 50 cents piece.

    Australian 50 cents piece showing the profile of someone who called herself Elizabeth the second
    Elizabeth the what?

    Readers will note that Elizabeth is described as the second of that name by the Roman numerals.

    Your correspondent can’t help asking when were the dates for the reign of Elizabeth the first of Australia (hint: there are none. Ed.).

    On social media, your ‘umble scribe has also had it pointed out to him that within the UK, coins also bore the inscription Elizabeth II, even though someone called Elizabeth has never been crowned as ruler of Scotland, which can be regarded as equally insensitive to Scots and their history.

    But whether in Australia or the small group of islands off the western coast of Europe, it is apparent to all with open eyes – and an open mind – that English imperialism – i.e. a system in which a country rules other countries – is alive and well and likely to continue despite the efforts of the likes of Senator Lidia Thorpe.

  • Idiocy in public office

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Politics, Social Media

    There are still over 3 weeks until the disgraced president-elect of the United States, the disgraced former 45th president, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat, one Donald John Trump, (also known as the Felon of the Year. Ed.) is inaugurated for his second term as president of the United States.

    However, that has not stopped the so-called Tangerine Tyrant from upsetting other countries around the world, firstly in respect of trade tariffs and more recently in the field of territorial claims and a revived offer to purchase territory.

    As regards the latter, two instances are prominent: Panama and Greenland.

    As regards the former, Trump is of the opinion that Panama is charging US shipping ridiculous fees to use the Panama Canal, and in his usual bullying and bombastic manner, has threatened to seize control the canal if Panama does not reduce tariffs. Furthermore, he has intimated that China could exert increasing control over the canal. In response, Panama’s president José Raúl Mulino has called the claim of increased Chinese influence ‘nonsense‘.

    Even though the US largely built the canal in 1914 and administered territory – the Panama Canal Zone – either side of the passage for decades, Washington finally handed over full control of the canal to Panama in 1999 under treaties signed two decades earlier by then-US president Jimmy Carter and Panamanian nationalist leader Omar Torrijos.

    When it comes to Greenland, this is a long-term obsession of Trump’s. He first suggested the USA purchase this Danish autonomous territory during his first term pf office and has recently resurrected the idea. The Greenland prime minister has replied by stating categorically that it is not for sale.

    In both his election campaigns, Trump’s leading slogan has been to Make America Grate Again (or something akin thereto. Ed.) and as has been seen above, this has not gone down well outside the 50 states of the Union.

    Moreover, Trump’s bullying tactics have also not gone down well with the more progressive elements of American society, as can be seen by what some individual has done outside the orange one’s eponymous tower in New York.

    Chalk graffito reads Dear Panama and Greenland - Apologies he's an idiot - America

  • Two fingers versus the iron fist

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics

    Yesterday Rachel Reeves, a woman whose start-free talents include doing poor chancellor of the exchequer impressions, announced she would use an “iron fist” to squeeze out waste to achieve expenditure savings of 5% in government departments.

    Lisa 'Two Fingers' Nandy, DCMS Secretary of StateHowever, it appears that Ms Reeves’ iron fist has started to show signs of rust and of being ignored by Whitehall departments as the Department for Digital, Culture and Sports (DCMS) has already stuck two fingers up at the chancellor, as shown by revelations concerning its stationery supplies.

    As reported by Scotland’s National today, the DCMS has recently bought two ministerial folders from luxury leather goods manufacturer Barrow Hepburn & Gale at a cost of £594 each. The government is a regular customer of the company, as is the Mountbatten-Windsor family and its hangers-on.

    Nandy’s folders cost a grand total of £1,118. The National helpfully points out that similar leather-bound document holders are available in the House of Commons shop for just £30. The excuse for spending the amount demanded by Barrow Hepburn & Gale is to “enhance“. This enhancement would appear to be at the root of a well-known old adage: a fool and his money are soon parted.

    In a clear case of government by gaslight, a spokesperson has stated it is “entirely focused on ensuring every pound of spending represents the best value for taxpayers, while also increasing investment in our public services and delivering on key growth projects”.

  • Da iawn, Sports Direct!

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Oddities

    As spotted on the Sports Direct website.

    Bobble hat featuring wording Cyrmu instead of Cymru

    Needless to say, some parts of the Welsh media have been having a field day with this elementary orthographical error, with Nation.Cymru jesting as follows:

    We can neither confirm or deny that Sports Direct are selling Egnland hats as well!

    It looks like the product has now been withdrawn from sale as it does not come up in search results on the company’s website, as confirmed today (4th Dec.) by Nation.Cymru.

    Update 02/01/2025: Nation.Cymru reported yesterday that the bobble hat has now reappeared with the correct spelling of Cymru.

  • Shropshire news – a century behind

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Oddities, Politics

    The impression is frequently given that these modern times are the era of 24 hour news coverage, but that itself can be very misleading, as can what is and how it is reported.

    Evidence for this comes from today’s Shropshire Star website, which features the following headline under the UK News heading.

    Headline reads Unofficial tallies in Irish election suggest some trouble for big figures

    Whilst it is encouraging to see coverage in the regional press of matters of more than local importance, one has to ask the following question of the Star’s editor: what is this doing under the UK News heading?

    When I was a lot younger, I recall being told in school that news of Nelson’s victory at the Battle of Trafalgar in October 1805 took three months to reach settlements in northern Scotland.

    It seems that news of the Anglo-Irish Treaty of December 1921 and the subsequent foundation of the Irish Free State in December 1922 has yet to reach Hollinswood Road in Telford where Salopia’s Ministry of Truth is situated.

    NB: The paper does have a separate World News section.

    Update: 17.00h, 30/11/24: In a textbook case of (lack of) editorial perspicacity, there is now a second Irish election story filed under the UK News heading.

    Headline of story on extreme right reads: ‘A positive day for us’ – Social Democrats look set to make gains in Dail

    Update: 01/12/24: There seems to be no end to the paper’s political and geographical ignorance as this morning a third story was posted as UK News.

    Headline to Irish election story Counting to resume in Irish election as focus shifts to coalition permutations

    Additional research has since revealed that the Shropshire Star routinely files Irish news under its UK News heading. Neo-colonialism and ignorance are therefore alive and well in the newspaper of record in my home county.

  • Tech meets tasty

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Social Media, Tech

    First came the emoticon – pictorial representation of a facial expression using characters — usually punctuation marks, numbers and letters — as an adjunct to written language to express a person’s feelings, mood or reaction, without needing to describe it in detail. From the start of the 2000s, this was followed by the emoji, a pictogram, logogram, ideogram, or smiley embedded in text and used in electronic messages and web pages, likewise to express feelings, moods or reactions.

    Nowadays emojis are ubiquitous and not necessarily confined to electronic messages and web pages. They can be found on clothing, trinkets and, as your ‘umble scribe’s social media feed revealed at the weekend, baked goods. 😀

    Fruit biscuit with fruit resembling expression of disappointed emoticon/emoji

  • Ovine emissions reduction – update

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Oddities, Social Media

    Along with dogs, sheep are believed to be one of the earliest animals to be domesticated by humans.

    According to Wikipedia, sheep are most likely descended from the wild mouflon of Europe and Asia and their domestication date is estimated to fall between 11,000 and 9000 BCE in Mesopotamia and possibly around 7000 BCE in Mehrgarh in the Indus Valley.

    For some reason, sheep are very popular on the Mastodon social media network and Thursday, 7th November, was peak sheep day, with photos and videos being posted all day, together with the customary hashtags, although these were all Welsh, e.g.#defaidodon (sheep of Mastodon). One very humorous sample is shown below.

    Post reads - One of the last coal-powered sheep. Most sheep are all electric now.

    Picking up on the theme of the post, domestication has involved a long process of selective breeding to arrive at today’s breeds, which bear little resemblance to their wild ancestors. For much of their history, most sheep were powered by charcoal before the Industrial Revolution, but this soon changed to coal due to its higher calorific value. With the climate crisis underway at present, sheep powered by electricity and renewables are now being developed; and there is even talk of fuelling them with biomass. 😉

  • Badenoch talks sh*t

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics

    Kemi Badenoch, official portraitYesterday, newly elected Conservative Party leader Kemi Badenoch took part in her first Prime Minister’s questions in that role.

    However, the session did not necessarily turn out to her advantage and The Guardian’s political sketch writer John Crace took full advantage of her failings to mock her performance unmercifully.

    However, her lack of political guile was not Badenoch’s only failure at the despatch box yesterday. Her failure to understand the English language was also revealed.

    As reported by Sky News, KemiKaze (as Mr Crace terms her. Ed.) challenged Keir Starmer on remarks made by current Foreign Secretary David Lammy in 2018 about the present president-elect of the United States, the disgraced former 45th president, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat, one Donald John Trump.

    The prime minister and the foreign secretary met him [Mr Trump] in September.

    Did the foreign secretary take that opportunity to apologise for making derogatory and scatological references, including, and I quote, ‘Trump is not only a woman-hating Neo-Nazi sympathising sociopath, he is also a profound threat to the international order’, and if he did not apologise, will the Prime Minister do so now on his behalf?
    The remarks in question by Mr Lammy appeared in Time magazine in the year in question under the headline I’m a British Lawmaker. Here’s Why I’m Protesting Trump’s Visit to the U.K.
    Donald Trump balloon in Parliament Square protest in 2018
    Donald Trump balloon in Parliament Square protest in 2018

    Whilst Mr Lammy’s remarks could be regarded as derogatory if one’s politics tend towards the (extreme) right, like Ms Badenoch’s, there is nothing your ‘umble scribe could find in what Lammy wrote for Time that could in any way be described as scatalogical, as per her question from the despatch box.

    Is it possible Kemi Badenoch does not understand the definition and usage of that particular adjective?

    Your correspondent believes this is definitely the case. As anyone with access to a dictionary – be it online or analogue – will confirm, the adjective scatalogical has two meanings, i.e.:

    1. characterised by obscenity or preoccupation with obscenity, especially in the form of references to excrement; and
    2. of or relating to the scientific study of excrement.

    Whilst Mr Lammy condemns Trump in the strongest terms for his racism, misogyny, religious bigotry and other shortcomings, the language used is not peppered with obscenities relating to bodily functions or faeces, so how Ms Badenoch can characterise Lammy’s language as derogatory (it was honest. Ed.) let alone scatalogical is beyond the mental abilities of your ‘umble scribe, unless as intimated in the title to this post, she was using her anus as her major organ of speech. which only serves to emphasise her ignorance.

  • Susie’s quiet comment

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Media, Politics, Social Media

    Susie Dent is a lexicographer and etymologist who has appeared in “Dictionary Corner” on the Channel 4 game show Countdown since 1992.

    Susie also has a presence on man-baby Elon Musk’s Twitter/X social media platform and usually posts her own chosen word of the day, which is frequently influenced by that particular day’s news agenda.

    Here is her contribution for today, 6th November 2024, following on from the news that disgraced former president, insurrectionist, convicted felon, adjudicated sexual predator, business fraudster, congenital liar and golf cheat Donald John Trump has been elected the 47th president of the USA.

    Post reads: Word of the day is ‘recrudescence’ (17th century): the return of something terrible after a time of reprieve.

    All your ‘umble scribe will say is that the US was faced with an IQ test yesterday: and failed it; abysmally.

  • Cymru, politics and the English Home Counties

    Steve WoodsLanguage, Politics

    Some would argue that Wales has been an English colony for centuries, especially since Henry Tudor II’s two acts of union of 1535 and 1542.

    In more modern times the development of the British state has resulted in the creation of a colonial administrator in Whitehall in the shape of the Secretary of State for Wales, as well as a corresponding position in the official opposition’s shadow cabinet..

    Where possible these positions have usually been filled by someone of Welsh origins or having at least some tangible or imagined connection to Cymru; the current Secretary of State is Jo Stephens, who was born in Abertawe (aka as Swansea by monoglots. Ed.)and brought up in Mynydd Isa . However, this is not always possible.

    At the July general election, the governing Conservatives lost all their seats in Wales to other parties – Plaid Cymru, the LibDems and the victorious Labour Party. Overall, the Blue Team’s parliamentary representation was reduced from 344 to a rump of 121.

    Such a collapse has implications for the depth and extent of any talent pool – never a very deep or extensive body of water to begin with – available to the party leader when forming the shadow cabinet, as the Blue Team’s new leader Kemi Badenoch has discovered.

    Official portrait of Mims DaviesWith not a single Tory MP from a Welsh constituency to choose, Ms Badenoch has had to resort to picking an English MP, and has alighted on Mims Davies, the member for East Grinstead and Uckfield in Sussex, as reported by Wales Online which helpfully points out that Ms Davies' constituency is 200 miles away from Cymru's administrative capital of Caerdydd/Cardiff.

    What about that tenuous Welsh connection? It would appear that apart from having a Welsh surname, Ms Davies’ only link to Cymru is that she just happened to study politics and international relations at university in Abertawe, according to her Wikipedia entry.

    Ms Davies’ affinity to the Home Counties reminds your ‘umble scribe of the appointment of another Tory Home Counties dishonourable member to the post of actual Secretary of State for Wales – one John Redwood, who served for the best part of two years in that capacity and whose most memorable act in all that time was not know the words of Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau and attempting to mime them, a scene that was captured in video (he’s no Jeff Astle! Ed.).

    Enjoy! 😀

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